I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

It was really late so Frankie convinced me to just go to bed.

I convinced him to stay with me.

I woke up and realized I was in his arms. He woke up a second later and flinched, about to move his arms away, but his warmth was so comforting I snuggled closer to him. He tightened his hold.

“I think I’m gonna get up.” I said after a while.

“Okay.”

I entered the room and was startled by a figure sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Baby?” Gerard turned to look up at me. His hair and clothes were disheveled and his eyes were red, “Baby, I’m-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.” He sat looking at me for a response.

“I know.” I assured him.

He stood and quickly pulled me close.

“I, just, I don’t know what the FUCK I was doing. I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“I know, I know. None of it matters. I love you.”

“I love you so much.” He gripped me tight as he finished, "Run away with me. Right now. We'll go to... to California. I'll meet your mom and-"

“Gerard. We've had this talk before. I'm not letting you leave everything behind."

"You are my everything."

I laughed his words off, "Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked him after thinking for a minute.

“I don’t know. You looked so happy with Frank asleep, and I knew he was being the better friend right then, so I left you alone.”

“What happened to your lip, baby?” I reached out to him.

He put his hand to a dark purple line on his lower lip, “Uuhh, I fell down drunk. But, you know that I’m sorry and that I’m just stupid, right?”

“Yes! And yet I still love you and world still rotates, Gerard,” I put my thumb to his face and stroked his lip, “I’ll always love you no matter what you manage to do.”

“Okay.”

I put my hands at his sides, “You want some coffee?”

He didn’t reply, but leaned down and kissed me.

“How do you always know when to kiss me?” I asked, because he had pretty much read my mind.

“You wanna know?”

I nodded.

“You put your thumbs on my hip bones and rub them in circles. I don’t know how I know that that’s your sign for kissing, but it just is.”

I giggled and hugged him.

“And, yes, coffee would be nice.”

Frank joined us a while later and we spent the morning watching cartoons.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
I had to go to work for the day. While I was at Eyeball, My Chem had plans to meet with Brian and Jack about upcoming tour dates.

When we all met up later, Gerard told me that they were going to go on tour with a band called The Used in Europe.

“Europe? Like, Europe, Europe. As in across the fucking ocean Europe?”

“Um... yeah.”

“Fuck,” I paused in amazement.

“Yep. Crazy, huh?”

“Crazy?! Baby, this is AMAZING. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” He blushed, “I think it’ll be amazing, too.”

“When?”

“About two weeks from now.”

I nodded, “I’m excited for you guys. My Chem is doing great. How many records have you sold?”

“A couple thousand.”

The number was very impressive back in the day for a band with no scene on an indie label.

“Cool,” I was afraid to ask, “For how long?”

“Three or four weeks I think...”

My heart sunk, but I nodded and inhaled with false understanding. Him leaving on a tour didn’t end so well last time, and now that Brian is in the mix, who knows where... you know... is.

On a girlfriend level, I didn’t understand why he had to leave, but on a manager’s level, I knew. Going overseas is exactly where they needed to go to grow.

I decided to let my head take control over my heart, if just for the time being.
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Gerard and I were packing his stuff for the European tour when the telephone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, darling, is Gerard there?”

“Oh, hi, Helen. Yeah, he’s right here.” I handed the phone over to Gerard and returned to folding some sweatshirts.

“Grandma? Hi ... I’m good, how are you? ... You’re where?... Well, are you okay? ... What do you mean? ... How come no one told me? Never mind, I’m coming.”

Gerard hung up and just looked at the phone, stunned.

“Babe, what happened?” I asked.

“Grandma’s in the hospital.”