Alex Gaskarth Is My Best Friend

I had brought this new boy Zack purely to make Alexander mad. He invited this whore type over and I had brought a cute type over. It just didn’t make sense, we were cuddling and kissing and declaring ourselves, now he was watching the up and down motion of ‘Remy’s’ breasts. When I thought he quite adored mine.

I mentally slapped myself for thinking such dumb things. It’s not like I wasn’t attracted to Zach but I just had already put my heart into Alex and there wasn’t any turning back.

She was throwing herself all over him and that how it was for weeks until Alex took the first step in breaking my heart, he asked Remy out.

---
Senior year.

I was barely around Alex anymore, but I was in love with him from a far. I’d rarely given any guy another chance. Zach had moved on to a cute petite girl I had become close with named Jessica. And Jack was simply Jack. Rian was still with Kara and I just knew they were gonna marry each other. I was always with them still, Alex would say hi every once and a while and look at my sometimes with those same eyes that I loved, but once Remy entered the room, I didn’t exist.

I noticed when I talked to most guys Alex would start to talk to me and get more involved, I hoped he still could love me like I loved him. 2 years ago I imagined Alex and I losing our virginity together and loving eachother and I would be his Remy, but I already over heard him talking to the guys about how good she was and her body and experience and everything. Honestly, my heart was barely beating. I didn’t know where my Alex went. Remy took him into her slut ridden heart.

It was Alex’s 18 birthday party. My party had already passed in September, Alex was out of town on my birthday with Remy, staying with his parents up in New York for something. I wasn’t invited like I would of been. His mother still adored me and wanted us together just as much as I did, she actually hated Remy but wouldn’t tell Alex. Alex had gotten me a sweater from store in New York, I honestly thought he had forgotten.

I always got Alex something I knew he would love. This year, I got him a blink-182 guitar strap and all the blink albums on Vinyl record, because his parents had got him a record player which he’d been wanting for a couple years. I wasn’t sure Remy gave him, probably a good blow job. I shuddered at the thought. It made me physically sick thinking of them together.

Alex’s parents were letting him have a party and they were leaving. Remy invited all of her whore friends and they were talking and drinking and putting on music that I didn’t even consider music, I knew Alex didn’t either. Jack was playing beer pong. Kara and Rian on the couch holding eachother talking softly over the music and Zach was just being normal and socializing with his girl in his hand. I felt so alone and out of place. I stepped outside and endured the cold. I had come across the terrible habit of smoking, it gave me relief. No one really knew I had become addicted, no one really cared enough to know.

I pulled one out of my trench coat and light it, inhaling and watching the white end, blacken and turn orange. I released the cloud of smoke and allowed the nicotine and other poisons clear my mind and relax my muscles. I sipped my beer and looked up at the stars. Some how each one reminded me of Alex. I shook my head and took another drag. I heard the sliding glass door open, but I didn’t bother to turn around.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it Capri?” I knew that voice, better than anything. I was in love with that voice. I turned to see Alex next to me. He was wearing a beanie which allowed his chocolate hair to peak through sloppily. His hands were buried deep in his jean pockets and his zip hoodie hung loosely around his body. He exhaled and I could see his breath, It wasn’t warm.

I returned the cigarette back to my mouth and inhaled again, trying to keep myself calm.

“What the hell is that?” He said, slightly outraged.

“A cigarette.” I replied simply. Oh now he cared.

“Since when have you become a smoker?”

“Since a while, I mean if you bothered to acknowledge me as your so called best friend, you would know.” I shrugged my shoulders and finished the cigarette, craving another quickly after.

I was about to pull out another one when Alex stood in front of me and stopped me.
He looked into my eyes and I could feel myself forgetting why I could ever be mad at someone so beautiful. His honey eyes were the best things I’ve ever seen. I felt privileged to look into.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been what you need.” He said softly, he really wasn’t drunk, which surprised me. The only time he talked to me at parties was if he wanted someone to get him another drink and I was the closest English speaking body.
I wanted to tell him what I need was him back in love with me. I needed him to save me from the brink of depression, I was losing myself without my best friend and no one could tell.

“You’ve been since that whore came into your life.” I said angrily.

“Hey, don’t call her that.” He said sternly removing his hands from me. I immediately regretted my harsh words, I craved his touch.

“I’m sorry. I’m just upset.” I mumbled. Not really sorry just wanting Alex.

“I know, but things are different now.”

“Why.”

“Because....I....dunno.” He finished looking down. I grabbed his face between my hands, I felt his stubble between my soft hands and I couldn’t help but smile.

“I miss you.” I gave into him, I just wanted him back, my pride wasn’t the most important thing anymore, our relationship was.

“I miss you too C.” He said sweetly and placed his hands upon mine. But only to remove my hands from his face. My mouth opened slightly.

“You can’t do things like that, Remy will get upset.”

“Just go back to her then!” I yelled stepping back from him.

“Shh!” he said coming closer again. It’s not like anyone could hear us over the dull roar of talking and the noise of the music.

“Just stop pretending like you care. Why’d you even fucking come out here?” I was afraid tears might fall.

“I wanted to be alone, and here you were.” He said, his voice said.

“Why’d you wanna be alone on your birthday?” I was sniffing and I turned away from Alex.

“Remy was bothering me.” He admitted.

“Oh, I thought she was perfect.” I mumbled.

No response. It was quiet for a while. And I heard his feet shuffling away.

“Happy birthday Alex.” I said just loud enough for him to hear.

“Thanks.” I could tell he was upset but he was the one choosing to leave. I took another cigarette out and allowed the tears to fall. I was use to being alone.

---

I walked inside and most of the girls and boys were passed out and it smelled of sweat, vomit and alcohol. I was exhausted and freezing. I walked upstairs and heard the sound of the bed creaking. Moans were escaping the four walls and I knew it was Remy. But I had seen Alex asleep on the couch moments ago.

I had already seen Remy cheating on Alex, I tried to tell him once but he just said I was jealous and that years ago when they first had started dating. I never tried again, that was the first day Alex hadn’t believed me, when he first started slipping away.

I ran down stairs and woke Alex up. I didn’t know what had over taken me. I just needed Alex back so badly my body ached. I felt like I would disappear completely if I didn’t have him back. I felt like a bitch for doing this but I needed him to see. In a way I wanted to break his heart, like he had broken mine. Mines shattered nearly everyday, but slowly loosing a little piece each time he ignored me, or each time he kissed Remy.

“What?” He asked angrily, wide awake now. I pulled him upstairs and let him listen to through the door. His eyes widened and he kicked the door open. Remy was naked and two hands cupped her breasts, her head turned around and she stared.

“ALEX!” she shouted, jumping out of bed fully naked. Underneath was the town’s quarterback who looked un-phased.

“What in the fuck is this!?”

“I...I...I...I” She muttered on and I had to stop myself from laughing. I didn’t call her a whore for no reason.