Jizz In My Pants

Jack led Anna to Rian’s bedroom in search of some clothes for her to wear. Going through Rian’s drawers, he found a pair of basketball shorts and a white V-neck. “Here you go!” He tossed them to Anna.

“Thanks!” She slipped the clothes on top of her undergarments and took Jack’s hand in her own. "Now, shall we get back to the party? I hear a beer pong table beckoning us onward.”

Jack giggled and was about to walk out of the room with Anna, but then Rian came in the door. “Oh, hey dude.” Noticing Rian’s slightly off balance gate, Jack made the assumption that he was severely inebriated. “Oh shit, you’re hammered!”

As a response, Rian spewed chunks all over Anna and Jack. Then, he passed out on the floor. “… Well these aren’t my clothes anyways so…” Anna bluntly stripped of her clothing, landing her right back in only her underwear. “Back to square one.” Jack audibly gulped at the sight of her almost-nakedness. She laughed and grabbed Rian by the shirt. “We should probably clean him up. He’s a hot mess right now.”

“Agreed.” Jack helped Anna drag Rian to the bathroom. He propped him up near the toilet. Then, looking shyly to Anna, he asked her to leave. “I’m sorry, I need to change out of these clothes and into some new ones.”

Biting her lip, Anna strode over to Jack with a sly smile. “What’s the point of putting on clothes again when we’re only going to take them off in about two seconds?”

Jack immediately shut the bathroom door and turned around. Then, as seductive as he could, he waltzed over to Anna, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Well, you’re almost already taken care of, so…” Taking his cue, Anna bent down slowly and unbuttoned Jack’s pants, noticing that he was already hard. Even slower, she started to pull down his pants.

“HOLD MY HAIR!” Rian grabbed onto Jack’s whitey tighties and pulled him down to his height. With no other choice, he grabbed the mop that was Rian’s hair and lifted it up. He had his share of bad luck with the ladies, but this was definitely a new low, even for Jack. Never had he expected to get pulled away from almost-sex by his drunk friend puking his brains out.

“Rian, you cock blocking son of a bitch.” Jack shook his head slowly as he continued to hold Rian’s hair. Eventually, Rian passed out again with his head in the toilet, hair drenched in fresh vomit. “Really now? What was the point in me holding your hair if you just get puke all over it anyway! FUCK YOU!” Anna started to laugh hysterically and fell into the bath tub. Jack just stood there. “You think this is funny?”

“Hell yes I do! “

“Do you mind if we pick up where we left off somewhere else? I don’t feel like engaging in sexual intercourse next to my passed out friend.”

“Okay, let’s piss him off and screw on his bed.” Giggling from this evil plan, both of them ran across the hallway and into Rian’s empty bedroom. It took all of two seconds for their lips to attach and for them to crash on the bed.

Right in the middle of Anna and Jack’s “activities”, Alex knocked on the door and came right in. “Yo, Jack, do you know where Rian went? I can’t find him.”

Still on top of Anna, Jack didn’t stop to answer Alex’s question. In between breaths and moans, he tried to form coherent sentences. “C-can’t you, ugh, see that, oh god, I’m busy right now! Fuck!”

“Any room for one more?” His face lit up as he strode over to the bed.

Jack happily accepted his request. “Sure, buddy!”

Anna objected. “Uhm, NO! I'm not having sex with him!” She glared at Alex and stuck out her tongue.

Frowning, Jack looked to Anna with pleading eyes. “Please? You never finished me!”

“You can finish with Alex. I’m gonna get some Doritos and watch ‘Jackass.’” Anna casually got up from Rian’s bed, got a bag of Doritos from the mini fridge, and turned on the TV to Jackass.

As Alex shed his cloths and jumped into bed with Jack, he laughed. “That’s ironic, because we’re about to bum-sex. Jackass..."

Anna completely ignored the moans and screams coming from the boys behind her. She was too focused on Steve-O launching himself on a rocket. Again, there was a knock on the door. Zack came in. “Hey, does the mini fridge have- Holy shit! Alex? Jack? What in god’s name are you doing!”

Having mastered the art of carrying out conversation while sexing, Alex simply replied, “Bum-sex. And yes, there is Red Bull in the fridge, if that’s what you were wondering.”

Zack shook his head and grabbed two energy drinks. Just as he was about to walk out the door, Jack hollered, “Why two drinks? Who’s the other one for? Jesus, Alex! Slow down a bit! I’m trying to have conversation!”

“Uhm, ahh, uhhh…. I’M NOT GAY!” Zack slammed the door shut and ran out of the room. All activities that were occurring in Rian’s room resumed and peace was restored throughout the land. (WTF?)