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Celebrity Crush
Chapter 65
December 31, 2009 New Year’s Eve
It’s safe to say my New Year’s Eve is officially ruined. The night couldn’t possibly get any worse. I couldn’t find anything to wear in my overly conservative pile of clothing. I called Annie a couple of hours after my breakdown over Robert.
“I have something I think will fit you. If it won’t we’ll find you something. You can’t wear heels, right?”
I sighed, “I would prefer not to wear heels since I’ll most likely be standing most of the night.”
I can practically hear her nod her head, “Okay, I’ll come over and get you. Bring some flats with you because all I have is heels.”
“Okay, sure thing.”
I hung up the phone not knowing what I was getting myself into.
Annie’s idea at clothing for me was “making feel uncomfortable.” The dress she had showed too much cleavage for my taste but since Angel had come with her showing his pick out of her clothes he had chosen something that fit me better than Annie’s pick.
It was a one piece suit type thing with a red shirt connected to a black skirt that would come to my knee. It was conservative but also somewhat sexy. The belt was completely around my waist and the shirt opened far enough down to show the right amount of cleavage without overdoing it. It was perfect no matter how much Annie despised the outfit.
Annie told me we would be getting read in her room. Angel and Annie pulled me from my apartment walking down to the elevator. I was so thankful we hadn’t run into Sarah, Mom, or dare I say it, Robert. I didn’t know what to say to Annie about the breakup. The truth of the matter was if Sarah hadn’t revealed herself I would have stayed Robert’s closet girl until I left for college but I had to make sure he was safe. I didn’t care how much I was hurt by breaking things the only thing that mattered was Robert’s safety.
I didn’t have any idea how to approach the subject to Annie. She could give me one look and I would tell her the truth. I wasn’t going to risk Annie’s safety by telling her the truth though.
We stepped into the elevator Annie hitting the lobby before I could hit the button.
“We are going to a party before the ball drop.”
I sigh, “Okay.”
I wasn’t really up for a party. I started thinking about the positives of a party and it being a holiday. I could finally drink even though I wasn’t of age, no one would say anything because of the day it was. Getting drunk just might help me forget everything if just for one night or a few hours.
I had made up my mind, I was going to get drunk and forget, no matter how much I missed and craved Robert.
**
Annie’s hotel room was a mess when we arrived. All the men were banned from the room as Annie and I stepped inside the room.
“Excuse the mess.”
When she said that I just thought she meant the food containers. Since I had been gone to the apartment Annie had ruined her room. There were clothes scattered everywhere, hoes lining the dresser against the wall, the bathroom a mess of make-up cases and hair pieces.
“Annie, did a transvestite take over your room or something?”
She laughed, “No, just Angel and I apparently.”
I shook my head, “I should have known you used that boy for help.”
She giggled moving to her opened upside down suitcase on the floor. She grabbed the top flipping it over, “I swear this is the last time I ask that boy for any help.”
It was my turn to giggle. She grabbed a few things from her suitcase, “Okay the party doesn’t start until nightfall so we have a few hours. I know you will want to go to the ball drop with Angel and Scott. They will probably leave the party for the ball drop at eleven.”
I nodded looking around the room, “What are doing until then?”
She smirked, “Well we will be getting ready. Trust me when I say that we are going to need all the time we can get.”
I sighed, “Can I shower first?”
She nodded, “Go right ahead.”
I grabbed my bag and moved into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and turned the lock, “I’m locking this door, Annie,” I called out.
“Wait; let me get a few things out of there first.”
I sighed turning the lock to unlock the door. I dropped my bag on the sink counter as she came bustling into the bathroom. She looked around the counter grabbing bags of make-up and hair curlers.
“Try not to be in there long, Laura. I need to shower and then I’m going to do both of our hair.”
I nod as she carries all her things into the room. I lock the door once again and then I hear her turn on a radio. Pink’s song “Sober” fills the room and I sigh.
(Pink’s Sober lyrics)
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
Ah, the sun is blindin' I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That that's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?
Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
I, I am fallin' And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober
When it's good then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had I have heard myself cry, "Never again"
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
How do I feel this good sober?
I move to stand in front of the mirror. A girl with brown hair and brown hollow eyes stares back at me. The girl doesn’t really look like me. Her eyes are dark and lifeless just the way I feel. I close my eyes feeling the sadness trying to take its toll on my body once again. I can still hear the music from outside the door and I pull off my clothes getting ready for a nice relaxing shower.
*
Twisting pulling and turning around is what Annie’s been doing to me hair for the past hour and a half. She made me put the outfit on while she was in the shower and now she wants to do my hair and make-up before she does her own.
I sigh groaning as she pulls my hair again, “Sorry! You should have told me you were this damn tender headed.”
I bark a sarcastic laugh, “I did but you weren’t listening.”
She stays quiet. She pulls on my hair a few more times before she claims she’s done. She removes the blindfold from my face and I look to see a girl that used to look like me. Her hair is now curled and pulled back in a small pony tail so it doesn’t get in my face too much. There are a couple strands of hair to the side hanging down.
“I did a pony tail because you are always hiding behind your hair. It’s time to see that pretty face of yours.”
I nod my head and then she moves to the make-up case. She applies blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, and lip gloss. I refused to wear lipstick and get it all over the place when I eat or drink something. I like the way lip gloss makes my lips shinny.
“Okay, now, I have to get ready.”
She’s already dressed in dark red dress that stops just above her knee. I feel average when I stand next to her.
I move into the room while she starts to get ready. I grab my black toe studded flats from the floor and stuff my stocking covered feet inside. They fit fine even though with stockings they tend to slip off more than usual.
I sigh, my mind wondering toward Robert once again. I didn’t realize before I broke things off that my mind always wandered toward what Robert was doing at that moment. Now doubt probably getting ready for some extravagant party with mom.
I pull my phone from my bag to check my messages. I had sent Sarah a message about breaking things off with Robert after my breakdown. I check my messages to find a new one from Kimi.
I smile opening the message.
Hope New Year’s Eve is great. Remember to give Robert a New Year kiss for me!!
My eyes begin to water. Most people tend to kiss their significant other at the moment the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve.
My fingers move across the keypad before I can really think about what I’m going to say.
Ha, I wish. Bad news, I broke things off with Robert. I won’t be his closet girl anymore. Spending New Year’s Eve with Annie and friends.
I hit the send button and turn off my phone. No doubt she will be trying to call me to get the scoop on exactly what happened.
Suddenly there’s knocking at the door.
“Please get that, Laura. It’s probably just Angel and Scott, everyone else has left already.”
I nod walking toward the door pulling it open to stop their constant pounding on the door. Scott and Angel’s eye widen, “Damn, too bad I’m gay or else I would so tap that,” answers Angel before stepping around me.
I giggle before walking back into the room.
**
10:30pm The Party
I sigh taking another sip of the Bud Light someone had handed to me. Annie’s, I guess people call it, dancing but it looks like she’s practically having sex on the dance floor as she grinds on her dance partner.
My eyes move around the room and I find Angel and Scott in a corner making out furiously. My eyes take in a guy, probably older than me in his twenties, eyeing me on the couch. This sort of party isn’t really my thing considering I’m not drunk or buzzed like Annie.
Angel and Scott are both sober since they want to attend the ball drop. My mind wonders off toward Robert once again and I groan, a frown coming to my face once again.
Suddenly a song I know and love comes on through the stereo system, Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi.
(Lady GaGa Paparazzi Lyrics)
We are the crowd, we're c-coming out
Got my flash on it's true, need that picture of you
It's so magical,
We'd be so fantastical
Leather and jeans,
Garage glamorous
not sure what it means but this photo of us
It don't have a price, ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby, I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
I'll be your girl backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars, yeah 'Cause you're my rockstar
in between the sets,
Eyeliner and cigarettes
Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and we turn
My lashes are dry, purple teardrops I cry
It don't have a price, loving you is cherry pie
'Cause you know that baby, I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Real good, we dance in the studio
Snap snap, to that shit on the radio
Don't stop for anyone
We're plastic but we still have fun!
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Annie suddenly comes from the crowd of sweaty dancing bodies and finds me on the couch.
“Come on, girl. Let’s dance.”
My eyes widen and I shake my head quickly causing her to giggle at me. She grabs my arm pulling me to my feet toward the dance floor. I can feel my anxiety start to creep in and the idea of dancing in front of a bunch of drunks doesn’t sound really appealing.
Annie pushes the beer back in my face, “Drink up. When you’re buzzed you won’t care who sees you.”
I sigh taking the can and pushes my head back. The beer burned going down my throat but with the pain in my heart it felt sort of like a bee sting.
I could feel the beer taking effect suddenly as my head felt really heavy and all I wanted to do was lie down. Annie pulled me in the middle of the dance floor along beside her and we both started moving to the music. I couldn’t really concentrate on anything in particular so my body was dancing along to the music since the beat was loud in my ears.
Annie was laughing with a huge grin on her face while she danced. I felt like I shouldn’t be here, something in the back of my mind was telling me that I should be sitting in the corner somewhere crying my eyes out. Unfortunately my mind was clouded by the alcohol and anything that seemed too difficult to think about was pushed to the far reaches of my mind.
Annie grabbed my hands and we danced like those movies would show drunk girl dancing together holding hands like men and women do when they are dancing.
I was half aware of the song changing and people moving around the room. Annie grabbed my hands bringing us to a stop. Another Lady Gaga song was playing now, “Bad Romance.”
(Bad Romance by Lady Gaga lyrics)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
(2x)
I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it's free
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand (hey)
I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love)
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad, bad romance
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
I want your horror
I want your design
'Cause you're a criminal
As long as you're mine
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love....uuhh)
I want your psycho
Your vertigo shtick
Want you in my rear window
Baby you're sick
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love)
You know that I want you
('Cause I'm a free bitch, baby!)
And you know that I need you
I want a bad, bad romance
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk passion baby
Work it,
I'm a free bitch, baby
I want your love and
I want your revenge
I want your love
I don't wanna be friends
J'veux ton amour
et je veux ta revanche
J'adore l'amour
I don't wanna be friends (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) I don't wanna be friends
(Caught in a bad romance)
I don't wanna be friends (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
A few couples had entered the dance floor and it was then that I noticed Scott and Angel moving toward us.
“Well, I can see both of you have had enough drinks for the night,” answered Scott taking the beer bottle of Annie’s hand. My can must have fallen to the floor because I was no longer holding it in my hand any longer.
Angel grabbed my hand, “Laura?” he asked looking right into my eyes, “Do you still want to watch the ball drop?”
My eyes widened and I nodded remembering the ball drop. He grinned back at me grabbing my hand and pulling us toward the door. I looked back to see Scott trying to get Annie to come with us. The girl was already drunk off her ass.
Scott finally got a good grip on her arm and started pulling her toward us. Angel pushed my coat into my arms and Scott pushed us all out the door.
The party were at was lucky enough to be on the bottom floor. They didn’t want to deal with drunken people falling off the railings at the top, I guess.
Annie and I stumbled outside behind a sober Angel and Scott. My mind started to uncloud one we got outside. The colder air blew past my ears and flew my hair up around my face. The pony tail was trying to come back down.
I felt my face flush from the embarrassment I just suffered through from inside. My mind shuffled through many different things since there was still some alcohol in my system. The two things that my mind registered were Robert, of course, but the last one caught me off guard, Alex.
I hadn’t really even thought about him that much lately. Robert had taken over every part of my mind, clouding every other thing that had taken place in the last few months.
My legs walked behind Angel, Scott, and Annie, but my mind was a million miles away. How could I be enjoying tonight when Alex was gone and buried in the ground? That thought brought on memories of Alex and what he would tell me.
“Laura, don’t worry about me. You go have fun because we both know you never let yourself go and have fun.”
It was like I could hear him in my head it was so clear. I giggled under my breath causing Annie to look over her shoulder. She started to give me a smile but something about my face must have caused her to stop.
She stopped walking allowing Angel and Scott walk ahead of us and so she could walk with me. I could tell that the cold air had helped her drunken brain for the moment until she got ahold of some more.
“What’s up, Laura?”
I shrugged, “Nothing, Annie.”
She sighed and I thought she had dropped it when she muttered, “Alex?”
I stopped walking feeling my eyes fill with tears and I just nodded. She sighed putting her arm around my shoulders and walking ahead.
“Don’t worry about them. You know neither Blake nor Alex would want us to feel bad for them.”
I chuckled, “Yeah, I know. It’s just the holidays that I miss him the most. During Christmas he would always call to tell me Merry Christmas. New Year’s was different. He was always hung over from the party his family held so he would call New Year’s Eve telling me Happy New Years. It’s those little things that I miss, that I never thought I would miss.”
Annie nodded her head, “Yeah, I know what you mean. Blake never really liked staying home for Christmas so I never saw him until New Years. We always went with mom to family’s house. Blake would run off with friends and stay gone for days. Mom never said anything because Blake was her favorite. Blake and I were the ones that made it tradition when I turned fifteen to come to New York for New Year’s Eve and day. Mom never had enough money for us to go so during the entire year we would both save. I got to come this year because of my friends chipping in and Blake left me his stash of cash.”
I sniffed hugging Annie back when she started to get sad. Suddenly I could hear “21 Guns” by Green Day playing outside up ahead.
(21 Guns Green Day lyrics)
Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Annie chuckled, “We’re getting closer.”
We started walking faster having lost Angel and Scott already. We past the corner and that’s when I saw the huge crowd. Times Square was full of so many people and not to mention the stage that was constructed for “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve Bash” that was aired on CBS.
No doubt Kimi would be watching the show from her grandmother’s house with her mom sitting right beside her drinking hot coco. I suddenly felt bad about not calling Kimi enough over the holidays. I wasn’t being such a great friend to anyone lately. Even the ones that were still alive were getting ignored because of my obsession with Robert.
Annie grabbed my hand, “Come on, I can see Angel and Scott. They’re looking for us!”
She pulled me toward the huge crowd pushing past people toward where Angel stood finally spotting us.
“There you tow are. I was beginning to think you two were past drunk and passed out somewhere.”
Annie and I both rolled our eyes but Annie was the one to reply, “I was plenty drunk until you dimwits brought me outside. Scott knew I didn’t want to come to see the ball drop but he dragged me out here anyway.”
Suddenly Katy Perry’s “Waking Up in Vegas” started playing extra loud pumping up the crowd.
Katy Perry-Waking Up in Vegas lyrics
You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke
I lost my fake ID
But you lost the motel key
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks now don't blame me
You want to cash out
And get the hell out of town
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Why are these lights so bright
Did we get hitched last night
Dressed up like Elvis,
Why am I wearing your class ring?
Don't call your mother
'Cause now we're partners in crime
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
You got me into this
Information overload, situation lost control
Send out an S.O.S.
And get some cash out
We're gonna tear up the town
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Remember what you told me
Remember what you told me
Told me, you told me, told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is (Ooooooooohhhhhh)
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get baby
Shake the glitter, shake, shake, shake the glitter, c'mon!
Give me some cash out baby
Give me some cash out, baby
Angel sighed to Annie’s comment, “You know why he pulled you out here. Blake would want you to enjoy this even though he’s not here.”
My eyes widen and then Scott joined us bringing his arms around Angel’s waist.
“What? She didn’t tell you, did she?” asked Angel.
I turned my head to the side showing I was confused. Scott and Angel looked over at Annie but she was busy trying to look anywhere else but their faces.
Scott sighed turning to look at me, “What did she tell you was the reason she wouldn’t come to see the ball drop?”
I was really confused now, “She said that watching the ball drop was boring since she’s seen it so much. She preferred to just stay at the party.”
Angel let out a sarcastic laugh, “That’s a lie, honey. The only reason she refused to come watch the ball drop was because Blake’s dead. She told you about them always coming to New York for New Year’s, right?”
I nodded my head, “She just told me while we were walking here.”
Scott picked up from where Angel left off, “Well watching the ball drop was Blake’s favorite thing. It was something both Annie and Blake did together.”
My eyes widen and I turned to look at Annie but she was glaring Scott and Angel. I could see her eyes flickering toward the ball every few minutes and each time her eyes seemed to fill with even more tears.
I walked to her and took her hand, “You know they’re right. Blake would want to you enjoy this time even though he’s not here. How about we change this time to a friend thing? We are all more like family anyway and we could even remember the good times of Blake and Alex.”
Angel chuckled, “Yeah let’s remember the time Blake and Alex caught Annie making out with some dude in her room. Blake complained us for days about that.”
I watched Annie giggle and the tears fall from her eyes.
“I love you guys. Let’s get closer.”
Annie grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to the front of the gate that was wrapped around the crowd of people. She was grinning like she won the lottery as she gripped the railing in front of her. Angel and Scott showed up beside us minutes later holding each other in front of the railing.
Gazing at them I remembered about the midnight kiss. I sighed, thinking of Robert once again. Really how many times did he run across my mind in a single hour?
I really had no idea the hold he had on me. I looked over at Annie to see her face terrifically happy. Her eyes wide and her mouth holding the biggest smile I had ever seen. I smiled thinking of Alex. There was something I had never told anyone about Alex and I’ relationship.
Something that even Kimi didn’t know. I remember the first New Year’s that I was friends with Alex for, he showed up at my house at ten o’clock. I was alone in the house, Kimi couldn’t call because she was sick some stomach flu.
Alex showed up telling me that friends don’t let friends spend New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day alone. Safe to say we were up watching the ball drop and getting high off of sodas. We didn’t fall asleep until three in the morning. New Year’s Day we spent in town going through shops in the mall. That was the best New Year’s besides this one that I would always remember.
Whenever Alex was in town for holiday’s we continued that tradition even including Kimi but she never understood the reasoning behind it.
Suddenly the band Linkin Park comes on the small black stage for “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve Party.”
The music starts playing and I instantly recognize the song, “New Divide.”
(Linkin Park New Divide lyrics)
I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash, as time began to blur
Like a startling sign, that fate had finally found me
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies, across this new divide
There was nothing in sight, but memories left abandoned
There was no where to hide, the ashes fell like snow
and the ground caved in between where we were standing
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes, across this new divide
(Solo)
In every loss, in every lie,
In every truth that you deny,
and each regret and each goodbye, was a mistake too great to hide
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies, across this new divide
Across this new divide
Across this new divide
During the song Annie, Angel, Scott, and I all sing along. I can feel the small amount of alcohol still in my system making me feel woozy but I feel great. Being at the New Year’s party is so much better than watching it from the TV.
Suddenly a huge camera spreads across the crowd and people are moving and jumping to get in the camera’s view. The camera moves across Annie, me, Angel, and Scott causing all of us to grin widely and wave at the camera. I can already sense that Kimi’s watching me on the screen and cussing me out from her side of the TV.
I know what she sees without seeing it for myself. Fake smile plastered to my face, reddening cheeks, and a wave that looks sarcastic. She’s the only one I’ve told about Robert so she could point out all the fake things about my expression.
Annie suddenly grabs my hands and I can see her grinning, “They’re about to start the countdown.”
Annie grips my hand and I look at Angel and Scott. They are staring into each other’s eyes totally lost in their own world.
“They always get like that during this.”
I smile, “I wish I had that.”
Annie sighs, “Don’t we all. Angel and Scott have found that once in a lifetime love. I can’t even begin to describe how many times I’ve tried finding that. Some of us are just destined to be alone, I guess."
Before I could even think about what I was going to say I spoke, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
Annie’s head whipped toward me and her eyes were wide, “Wha-What happened, Laura?”
I shrugged and replied right before the countdown started, “I broke things of with Robert, I refused to be his closet girl any longer.”
Then the crowd started the countdown and we joined in.
“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!”
The Black Eyes Peas song “I Got a Feeling” started playing out in the street.
(Black Eye Peas-I Got A Feeling Lyrics)
I gotta feeling
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
I feel
Tonight's the night night
Let's live it up
I got my money
Let's spend it UP
Go out and smash it
Like "Oh my God"
Jump off that sofa
Let's KICK IT off
I know that we'll have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just lose it all
I feel
Stressed and I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And losing all control
Fill up my cup
Mazel tov
Look at her dancing
Just take it off
Let's paint the town
We'll shut it down
Let's burn the roof
And then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
And do it, and do it.
Let's LIVE IT UP...
Do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
Cause I gotta feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
I feel
Tonight's the night (Hey!)
Let's live it up (Let's live it up!)
I got my money (My pay)
Let's spend it all (Let's spend it all!)
Go out and smash it (Smash it!)
Like "oh my God" (Like "Oh my God"!)
Jump off that sofa (Come on!)
Let's KICK IT off (Pump it!)
Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mazel tov (La' chaim)
Look at her dancing (Move it, move it)
Just take it off (Pump it!)
Let's paint the town (Paint the town!)
We'll shut it down (Shut it down!)
Let's burn the roof
And then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
And do it, and do it.
Let's LIVE IT UP...
Do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, do it, do it, do it.
Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock (Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock)
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top (Top, top, top, top, top, top)
Feel the shot
Body rock
Rock it don't stop (Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop)
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock (Clock, clock, clock, clock, clock, clock)
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday and Thursday
Friday, Saturday
Saturday AND Sunday
Get, get, get, get, get, get with us
You know what we say, say
Party every day
Pa-pa-pa-party every day
And I'm feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
Woo-hoo-
The ball dropped and a huge grin came over my face. Annie’s eyes were wide as she looked at me and then my eyes looked over the crowd of kissing people and suddenly I realized just how alone I really felt.
It’s safe to say my New Year’s Eve is officially ruined. The night couldn’t possibly get any worse. I couldn’t find anything to wear in my overly conservative pile of clothing. I called Annie a couple of hours after my breakdown over Robert.
“I have something I think will fit you. If it won’t we’ll find you something. You can’t wear heels, right?”
I sighed, “I would prefer not to wear heels since I’ll most likely be standing most of the night.”
I can practically hear her nod her head, “Okay, I’ll come over and get you. Bring some flats with you because all I have is heels.”
“Okay, sure thing.”
I hung up the phone not knowing what I was getting myself into.
Annie’s idea at clothing for me was “making feel uncomfortable.” The dress she had showed too much cleavage for my taste but since Angel had come with her showing his pick out of her clothes he had chosen something that fit me better than Annie’s pick.
It was a one piece suit type thing with a red shirt connected to a black skirt that would come to my knee. It was conservative but also somewhat sexy. The belt was completely around my waist and the shirt opened far enough down to show the right amount of cleavage without overdoing it. It was perfect no matter how much Annie despised the outfit.
Annie told me we would be getting read in her room. Angel and Annie pulled me from my apartment walking down to the elevator. I was so thankful we hadn’t run into Sarah, Mom, or dare I say it, Robert. I didn’t know what to say to Annie about the breakup. The truth of the matter was if Sarah hadn’t revealed herself I would have stayed Robert’s closet girl until I left for college but I had to make sure he was safe. I didn’t care how much I was hurt by breaking things the only thing that mattered was Robert’s safety.
I didn’t have any idea how to approach the subject to Annie. She could give me one look and I would tell her the truth. I wasn’t going to risk Annie’s safety by telling her the truth though.
We stepped into the elevator Annie hitting the lobby before I could hit the button.
“We are going to a party before the ball drop.”
I sigh, “Okay.”
I wasn’t really up for a party. I started thinking about the positives of a party and it being a holiday. I could finally drink even though I wasn’t of age, no one would say anything because of the day it was. Getting drunk just might help me forget everything if just for one night or a few hours.
I had made up my mind, I was going to get drunk and forget, no matter how much I missed and craved Robert.
**
Annie’s hotel room was a mess when we arrived. All the men were banned from the room as Annie and I stepped inside the room.
“Excuse the mess.”
When she said that I just thought she meant the food containers. Since I had been gone to the apartment Annie had ruined her room. There were clothes scattered everywhere, hoes lining the dresser against the wall, the bathroom a mess of make-up cases and hair pieces.
“Annie, did a transvestite take over your room or something?”
She laughed, “No, just Angel and I apparently.”
I shook my head, “I should have known you used that boy for help.”
She giggled moving to her opened upside down suitcase on the floor. She grabbed the top flipping it over, “I swear this is the last time I ask that boy for any help.”
It was my turn to giggle. She grabbed a few things from her suitcase, “Okay the party doesn’t start until nightfall so we have a few hours. I know you will want to go to the ball drop with Angel and Scott. They will probably leave the party for the ball drop at eleven.”
I nodded looking around the room, “What are doing until then?”
She smirked, “Well we will be getting ready. Trust me when I say that we are going to need all the time we can get.”
I sighed, “Can I shower first?”
She nodded, “Go right ahead.”
I grabbed my bag and moved into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and turned the lock, “I’m locking this door, Annie,” I called out.
“Wait; let me get a few things out of there first.”
I sighed turning the lock to unlock the door. I dropped my bag on the sink counter as she came bustling into the bathroom. She looked around the counter grabbing bags of make-up and hair curlers.
“Try not to be in there long, Laura. I need to shower and then I’m going to do both of our hair.”
I nod as she carries all her things into the room. I lock the door once again and then I hear her turn on a radio. Pink’s song “Sober” fills the room and I sigh.
(Pink’s Sober lyrics)
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
Ah, the sun is blindin' I stayed up again
Oh, I am findin'
That that's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
'Cause I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?
Ah, the night is callin'
And it whispers to me softly, "Come and play"
I, I am fallin' And if I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
I'm lookin' for myself, sober
Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down
Spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round, spinnin' 'round
Lookin' for myself, sober
When it's good then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had I have heard myself cry, "Never again"
Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain inside, you're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
How do I feel this good sober?
I move to stand in front of the mirror. A girl with brown hair and brown hollow eyes stares back at me. The girl doesn’t really look like me. Her eyes are dark and lifeless just the way I feel. I close my eyes feeling the sadness trying to take its toll on my body once again. I can still hear the music from outside the door and I pull off my clothes getting ready for a nice relaxing shower.
*
Twisting pulling and turning around is what Annie’s been doing to me hair for the past hour and a half. She made me put the outfit on while she was in the shower and now she wants to do my hair and make-up before she does her own.
I sigh groaning as she pulls my hair again, “Sorry! You should have told me you were this damn tender headed.”
I bark a sarcastic laugh, “I did but you weren’t listening.”
She stays quiet. She pulls on my hair a few more times before she claims she’s done. She removes the blindfold from my face and I look to see a girl that used to look like me. Her hair is now curled and pulled back in a small pony tail so it doesn’t get in my face too much. There are a couple strands of hair to the side hanging down.
“I did a pony tail because you are always hiding behind your hair. It’s time to see that pretty face of yours.”
I nod my head and then she moves to the make-up case. She applies blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, and lip gloss. I refused to wear lipstick and get it all over the place when I eat or drink something. I like the way lip gloss makes my lips shinny.
“Okay, now, I have to get ready.”
She’s already dressed in dark red dress that stops just above her knee. I feel average when I stand next to her.
I move into the room while she starts to get ready. I grab my black toe studded flats from the floor and stuff my stocking covered feet inside. They fit fine even though with stockings they tend to slip off more than usual.
I sigh, my mind wondering toward Robert once again. I didn’t realize before I broke things off that my mind always wandered toward what Robert was doing at that moment. Now doubt probably getting ready for some extravagant party with mom.
I pull my phone from my bag to check my messages. I had sent Sarah a message about breaking things off with Robert after my breakdown. I check my messages to find a new one from Kimi.
I smile opening the message.
Hope New Year’s Eve is great. Remember to give Robert a New Year kiss for me!!
My eyes begin to water. Most people tend to kiss their significant other at the moment the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve.
My fingers move across the keypad before I can really think about what I’m going to say.
Ha, I wish. Bad news, I broke things off with Robert. I won’t be his closet girl anymore. Spending New Year’s Eve with Annie and friends.
I hit the send button and turn off my phone. No doubt she will be trying to call me to get the scoop on exactly what happened.
Suddenly there’s knocking at the door.
“Please get that, Laura. It’s probably just Angel and Scott, everyone else has left already.”
I nod walking toward the door pulling it open to stop their constant pounding on the door. Scott and Angel’s eye widen, “Damn, too bad I’m gay or else I would so tap that,” answers Angel before stepping around me.
I giggle before walking back into the room.
**
10:30pm The Party
I sigh taking another sip of the Bud Light someone had handed to me. Annie’s, I guess people call it, dancing but it looks like she’s practically having sex on the dance floor as she grinds on her dance partner.
My eyes move around the room and I find Angel and Scott in a corner making out furiously. My eyes take in a guy, probably older than me in his twenties, eyeing me on the couch. This sort of party isn’t really my thing considering I’m not drunk or buzzed like Annie.
Angel and Scott are both sober since they want to attend the ball drop. My mind wonders off toward Robert once again and I groan, a frown coming to my face once again.
Suddenly a song I know and love comes on through the stereo system, Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi.
(Lady GaGa Paparazzi Lyrics)
We are the crowd, we're c-coming out
Got my flash on it's true, need that picture of you
It's so magical,
We'd be so fantastical
Leather and jeans,
Garage glamorous
not sure what it means but this photo of us
It don't have a price, ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby, I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind, but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
I'll be your girl backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars, yeah 'Cause you're my rockstar
in between the sets,
Eyeliner and cigarettes
Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and we turn
My lashes are dry, purple teardrops I cry
It don't have a price, loving you is cherry pie
'Cause you know that baby, I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Real good, we dance in the studio
Snap snap, to that shit on the radio
Don't stop for anyone
We're plastic but we still have fun!
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
you know that I'll be your
Papa-paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind but I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Annie suddenly comes from the crowd of sweaty dancing bodies and finds me on the couch.
“Come on, girl. Let’s dance.”
My eyes widen and I shake my head quickly causing her to giggle at me. She grabs my arm pulling me to my feet toward the dance floor. I can feel my anxiety start to creep in and the idea of dancing in front of a bunch of drunks doesn’t sound really appealing.
Annie pushes the beer back in my face, “Drink up. When you’re buzzed you won’t care who sees you.”
I sigh taking the can and pushes my head back. The beer burned going down my throat but with the pain in my heart it felt sort of like a bee sting.
I could feel the beer taking effect suddenly as my head felt really heavy and all I wanted to do was lie down. Annie pulled me in the middle of the dance floor along beside her and we both started moving to the music. I couldn’t really concentrate on anything in particular so my body was dancing along to the music since the beat was loud in my ears.
Annie was laughing with a huge grin on her face while she danced. I felt like I shouldn’t be here, something in the back of my mind was telling me that I should be sitting in the corner somewhere crying my eyes out. Unfortunately my mind was clouded by the alcohol and anything that seemed too difficult to think about was pushed to the far reaches of my mind.
Annie grabbed my hands and we danced like those movies would show drunk girl dancing together holding hands like men and women do when they are dancing.
I was half aware of the song changing and people moving around the room. Annie grabbed my hands bringing us to a stop. Another Lady Gaga song was playing now, “Bad Romance.”
(Bad Romance by Lady Gaga lyrics)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
(2x)
I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it's free
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand (hey)
I want your leather-studded kiss in the sand
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love)
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad, bad romance
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
I want your horror
I want your design
'Cause you're a criminal
As long as you're mine
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love....uuhh)
I want your psycho
Your vertigo shtick
Want you in my rear window
Baby you're sick
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love
(Love love love I want your love)
You know that I want you
('Cause I'm a free bitch, baby!)
And you know that I need you
I want a bad, bad romance
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Caught in a bad romance
(2x)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk fashion baby
Work it, move that bitch crazy
Walk, walk passion baby
Work it,
I'm a free bitch, baby
I want your love and
I want your revenge
I want your love
I don't wanna be friends
J'veux ton amour
et je veux ta revanche
J'adore l'amour
I don't wanna be friends (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) I don't wanna be friends
(Caught in a bad romance)
I don't wanna be friends (Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!
I want your love and
I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
I want your love and
All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Want your bad romance!
(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh) Want your bad romance!
(Caught in a bad romance)
Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah-ah
Roma-roma-ma-a
Gaga
Oo-la-la-a
Want your bad romance
A few couples had entered the dance floor and it was then that I noticed Scott and Angel moving toward us.
“Well, I can see both of you have had enough drinks for the night,” answered Scott taking the beer bottle of Annie’s hand. My can must have fallen to the floor because I was no longer holding it in my hand any longer.
Angel grabbed my hand, “Laura?” he asked looking right into my eyes, “Do you still want to watch the ball drop?”
My eyes widened and I nodded remembering the ball drop. He grinned back at me grabbing my hand and pulling us toward the door. I looked back to see Scott trying to get Annie to come with us. The girl was already drunk off her ass.
Scott finally got a good grip on her arm and started pulling her toward us. Angel pushed my coat into my arms and Scott pushed us all out the door.
The party were at was lucky enough to be on the bottom floor. They didn’t want to deal with drunken people falling off the railings at the top, I guess.
Annie and I stumbled outside behind a sober Angel and Scott. My mind started to uncloud one we got outside. The colder air blew past my ears and flew my hair up around my face. The pony tail was trying to come back down.
I felt my face flush from the embarrassment I just suffered through from inside. My mind shuffled through many different things since there was still some alcohol in my system. The two things that my mind registered were Robert, of course, but the last one caught me off guard, Alex.
I hadn’t really even thought about him that much lately. Robert had taken over every part of my mind, clouding every other thing that had taken place in the last few months.
My legs walked behind Angel, Scott, and Annie, but my mind was a million miles away. How could I be enjoying tonight when Alex was gone and buried in the ground? That thought brought on memories of Alex and what he would tell me.
“Laura, don’t worry about me. You go have fun because we both know you never let yourself go and have fun.”
It was like I could hear him in my head it was so clear. I giggled under my breath causing Annie to look over her shoulder. She started to give me a smile but something about my face must have caused her to stop.
She stopped walking allowing Angel and Scott walk ahead of us and so she could walk with me. I could tell that the cold air had helped her drunken brain for the moment until she got ahold of some more.
“What’s up, Laura?”
I shrugged, “Nothing, Annie.”
She sighed and I thought she had dropped it when she muttered, “Alex?”
I stopped walking feeling my eyes fill with tears and I just nodded. She sighed putting her arm around my shoulders and walking ahead.
“Don’t worry about them. You know neither Blake nor Alex would want us to feel bad for them.”
I chuckled, “Yeah, I know. It’s just the holidays that I miss him the most. During Christmas he would always call to tell me Merry Christmas. New Year’s was different. He was always hung over from the party his family held so he would call New Year’s Eve telling me Happy New Years. It’s those little things that I miss, that I never thought I would miss.”
Annie nodded her head, “Yeah, I know what you mean. Blake never really liked staying home for Christmas so I never saw him until New Years. We always went with mom to family’s house. Blake would run off with friends and stay gone for days. Mom never said anything because Blake was her favorite. Blake and I were the ones that made it tradition when I turned fifteen to come to New York for New Year’s Eve and day. Mom never had enough money for us to go so during the entire year we would both save. I got to come this year because of my friends chipping in and Blake left me his stash of cash.”
I sniffed hugging Annie back when she started to get sad. Suddenly I could hear “21 Guns” by Green Day playing outside up ahead.
(21 Guns Green Day lyrics)
Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I
Annie chuckled, “We’re getting closer.”
We started walking faster having lost Angel and Scott already. We past the corner and that’s when I saw the huge crowd. Times Square was full of so many people and not to mention the stage that was constructed for “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve Bash” that was aired on CBS.
No doubt Kimi would be watching the show from her grandmother’s house with her mom sitting right beside her drinking hot coco. I suddenly felt bad about not calling Kimi enough over the holidays. I wasn’t being such a great friend to anyone lately. Even the ones that were still alive were getting ignored because of my obsession with Robert.
Annie grabbed my hand, “Come on, I can see Angel and Scott. They’re looking for us!”
She pulled me toward the huge crowd pushing past people toward where Angel stood finally spotting us.
“There you tow are. I was beginning to think you two were past drunk and passed out somewhere.”
Annie and I both rolled our eyes but Annie was the one to reply, “I was plenty drunk until you dimwits brought me outside. Scott knew I didn’t want to come to see the ball drop but he dragged me out here anyway.”
Suddenly Katy Perry’s “Waking Up in Vegas” started playing extra loud pumping up the crowd.
Katy Perry-Waking Up in Vegas lyrics
You gotta help me out
It's all a blur last night
We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm broke
I lost my fake ID
But you lost the motel key
Spare me your freakin' dirty looks now don't blame me
You want to cash out
And get the hell out of town
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Why are these lights so bright
Did we get hitched last night
Dressed up like Elvis,
Why am I wearing your class ring?
Don't call your mother
'Cause now we're partners in crime
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
You got me into this
Information overload, situation lost control
Send out an S.O.S.
And get some cash out
We're gonna tear up the town
Don't be a baby
Remember what you told me
Remember what you told me
Remember what you told me
Told me, you told me, told me
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is (Ooooooooohhhhhh)
That's what you get for waking up in Vegas
Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes, now
That's what you get baby
Shake the glitter, shake, shake, shake the glitter, c'mon!
Give me some cash out baby
Give me some cash out, baby
Angel sighed to Annie’s comment, “You know why he pulled you out here. Blake would want you to enjoy this even though he’s not here.”
My eyes widen and then Scott joined us bringing his arms around Angel’s waist.
“What? She didn’t tell you, did she?” asked Angel.
I turned my head to the side showing I was confused. Scott and Angel looked over at Annie but she was busy trying to look anywhere else but their faces.
Scott sighed turning to look at me, “What did she tell you was the reason she wouldn’t come to see the ball drop?”
I was really confused now, “She said that watching the ball drop was boring since she’s seen it so much. She preferred to just stay at the party.”
Angel let out a sarcastic laugh, “That’s a lie, honey. The only reason she refused to come watch the ball drop was because Blake’s dead. She told you about them always coming to New York for New Year’s, right?”
I nodded my head, “She just told me while we were walking here.”
Scott picked up from where Angel left off, “Well watching the ball drop was Blake’s favorite thing. It was something both Annie and Blake did together.”
My eyes widen and I turned to look at Annie but she was glaring Scott and Angel. I could see her eyes flickering toward the ball every few minutes and each time her eyes seemed to fill with even more tears.
I walked to her and took her hand, “You know they’re right. Blake would want to you enjoy this time even though he’s not here. How about we change this time to a friend thing? We are all more like family anyway and we could even remember the good times of Blake and Alex.”
Angel chuckled, “Yeah let’s remember the time Blake and Alex caught Annie making out with some dude in her room. Blake complained us for days about that.”
I watched Annie giggle and the tears fall from her eyes.
“I love you guys. Let’s get closer.”
Annie grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to the front of the gate that was wrapped around the crowd of people. She was grinning like she won the lottery as she gripped the railing in front of her. Angel and Scott showed up beside us minutes later holding each other in front of the railing.
Gazing at them I remembered about the midnight kiss. I sighed, thinking of Robert once again. Really how many times did he run across my mind in a single hour?
I really had no idea the hold he had on me. I looked over at Annie to see her face terrifically happy. Her eyes wide and her mouth holding the biggest smile I had ever seen. I smiled thinking of Alex. There was something I had never told anyone about Alex and I’ relationship.
Something that even Kimi didn’t know. I remember the first New Year’s that I was friends with Alex for, he showed up at my house at ten o’clock. I was alone in the house, Kimi couldn’t call because she was sick some stomach flu.
Alex showed up telling me that friends don’t let friends spend New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day alone. Safe to say we were up watching the ball drop and getting high off of sodas. We didn’t fall asleep until three in the morning. New Year’s Day we spent in town going through shops in the mall. That was the best New Year’s besides this one that I would always remember.
Whenever Alex was in town for holiday’s we continued that tradition even including Kimi but she never understood the reasoning behind it.
Suddenly the band Linkin Park comes on the small black stage for “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve Party.”
The music starts playing and I instantly recognize the song, “New Divide.”
(Linkin Park New Divide lyrics)
I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash, as time began to blur
Like a startling sign, that fate had finally found me
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies, across this new divide
There was nothing in sight, but memories left abandoned
There was no where to hide, the ashes fell like snow
and the ground caved in between where we were standing
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes, across this new divide
(Solo)
In every loss, in every lie,
In every truth that you deny,
and each regret and each goodbye, was a mistake too great to hide
and your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve
So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies, across this new divide
Across this new divide
Across this new divide
During the song Annie, Angel, Scott, and I all sing along. I can feel the small amount of alcohol still in my system making me feel woozy but I feel great. Being at the New Year’s party is so much better than watching it from the TV.
Suddenly a huge camera spreads across the crowd and people are moving and jumping to get in the camera’s view. The camera moves across Annie, me, Angel, and Scott causing all of us to grin widely and wave at the camera. I can already sense that Kimi’s watching me on the screen and cussing me out from her side of the TV.
I know what she sees without seeing it for myself. Fake smile plastered to my face, reddening cheeks, and a wave that looks sarcastic. She’s the only one I’ve told about Robert so she could point out all the fake things about my expression.
Annie suddenly grabs my hands and I can see her grinning, “They’re about to start the countdown.”
Annie grips my hand and I look at Angel and Scott. They are staring into each other’s eyes totally lost in their own world.
“They always get like that during this.”
I smile, “I wish I had that.”
Annie sighs, “Don’t we all. Angel and Scott have found that once in a lifetime love. I can’t even begin to describe how many times I’ve tried finding that. Some of us are just destined to be alone, I guess."
Before I could even think about what I was going to say I spoke, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
Annie’s head whipped toward me and her eyes were wide, “Wha-What happened, Laura?”
I shrugged and replied right before the countdown started, “I broke things of with Robert, I refused to be his closet girl any longer.”
Then the crowd started the countdown and we joined in.
“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!”
The Black Eyes Peas song “I Got a Feeling” started playing out in the street.
(Black Eye Peas-I Got A Feeling Lyrics)
I gotta feeling
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
I feel
Tonight's the night night
Let's live it up
I got my money
Let's spend it UP
Go out and smash it
Like "Oh my God"
Jump off that sofa
Let's KICK IT off
I know that we'll have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just lose it all
I feel
Stressed and I wanna let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And losing all control
Fill up my cup
Mazel tov
Look at her dancing
Just take it off
Let's paint the town
We'll shut it down
Let's burn the roof
And then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
And do it, and do it.
Let's LIVE IT UP...
Do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
Cause I gotta feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
I feel
Tonight's the night (Hey!)
Let's live it up (Let's live it up!)
I got my money (My pay)
Let's spend it all (Let's spend it all!)
Go out and smash it (Smash it!)
Like "oh my God" (Like "Oh my God"!)
Jump off that sofa (Come on!)
Let's KICK IT off (Pump it!)
Fill up my cup (Drink)
Mazel tov (La' chaim)
Look at her dancing (Move it, move it)
Just take it off (Pump it!)
Let's paint the town (Paint the town!)
We'll shut it down (Shut it down!)
Let's burn the roof
And then we'll do it again
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.
And do it, and do it.
Let's LIVE IT UP...
Do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it, do it, do it, do it.
Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock (Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock)
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top (Top, top, top, top, top, top)
Feel the shot
Body rock
Rock it don't stop (Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop)
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock (Clock, clock, clock, clock, clock, clock)
Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday and Thursday
Friday, Saturday
Saturday AND Sunday
Get, get, get, get, get, get with us
You know what we say, say
Party every day
Pa-pa-pa-party every day
And I'm feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
A feeling (Woo-hoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night
Woo-hoo-
The ball dropped and a huge grin came over my face. Annie’s eyes were wide as she looked at me and then my eyes looked over the crowd of kissing people and suddenly I realized just how alone I really felt.