Well Thought Out Twinkles

I woke to a cold quiet house. I threw the blankets back and got out of bed.

"Ville?" I asked as I ran my hand through my hair. No answer.

I walked into the hallway, looked both directions; nothing.

"Ali?" I called, to no avail; no answer.

I walked into the nursery, Jacob was gone. I ran through the house looking for Ville. He sat in the living room, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Where is Jacob?!" I demanded. Ville sighed.

"He's with your mom."

"Why?!" I screamed.

--

She lunged at me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. She sobbed into my shoulder.

"It's okay, baby." I whispered.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She cried.

"I forgive you."

It was harder than anything to see the most solid person I knew, the one who was always there for everyone else in her life actually need someone. She needed me now, to be her rock.

--

5:25 AM - We sat on the balcony, watching the sun rise. Her blonde hair blew gently in the wind, watching her expression spike then fall struck that same chord in my heart. I remember watching her writhing in my arms like she was this morning only it was her aching to hurt someone not her running from a disease wanting to hurt her.

She held her head in her hands and sighed, "I'd never regretted something or someone that much before."

I smoothed her hair down, "He didn't ask for this, we really didn't either. I love that little boy. He's the best parts of me and you thrown together in one tiny package."

She smiled. Her cheeks dimpled and I felt sure I'd fixed it. Then she started again; crying, sobbing, wailing.

"Alice, calm down."

She looked up at me. For the first time since I've known her, crazy ex-boyfriends and all, I saw no hope in her eyes. She was running on empty, every ounce of her sanity, faith, hope and love were gone. Spread out paper thin across the ocean.

"No, Ville. I can't. I brought this child into a world where there's no hope for anyone, except to get washed away in everyday and forget about the corrupt governments, the drugs and alcohol or the sex frenzy everyone seems so into." Her eyes were glassy and blank.

I wrapped my arms around her and sighed. There was nothing else I could do. She was right. All hope is gone. If we look at it that way.

"I know all this, I thought of all this. But we can teach him to appreciate the little things. All these things that we don't like about the world we have a chance to change through him. We'll teach him to know better."

She sniffled then kissed my neck, "I miss the way you taste."

I smiled and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my waist. I lifted her onto the brick wall. Her legs wrapped around me.

I love this girl more than anything in the entire world and I was determined to fix her.

Something in the way she moves...