My Heart Is Yours

Wednesday’s pov

I couldn’t explain how much it killed me to have to tell Max that I wasn’t in love him anymore. It tore me from the core of my soul and I tried hard to keep my voice from breaking. It helped that I didn’t have to see his face when I told him that. But at the same time, it wasn’t helping anything. I was about to just die right now, and I was glad that he couldn’t see me tearing myself up.

I had tears pouring down my face and I had to fight back against my shaking harder than I’d ever had to fight against something before. It was like trying to fight and win against a UFC fighter as I am now. Pretty much the hardest damn thing on the face of the planet.

When he told me he still loved me, I almost lost it one hundred percent. I turned numb and felt my legs wobble. I could not loose my composure in front of him. It just could not happen. So I did the only thing that I really knew how to do well. I pushed him away.

“Good bye, Max…” I said, keeping my eyes clenched tight and my breathing to a deep minimum.

“By, Wendy…”

And with that, he left me. I waited for a few moments after the door closed behind him before I collapsed on the living room floor, arms wrapped around my stomach as I hugged myself and tried to keep the hole that had just been torn through me from completely tearing me apart.

I could not believe how stupid I had been… I had absolutely no right to invite Max back into mine and Lily’s lives. Especially with Alex now in it. But that was the thing about it all… I knew, deep down, that Max should have known his daughter a long time ago. I wondered if, had I let him back into my life earlier, if things would have ended up as they are now. With me curled into a ball on my living room floor crying my eyes out and filled with so much regret that I couldn’t stand myself.

But it was worth it, seeing him with his daughter. He looked so…happy with her. And then I had to go and completely kill that and throw everything away. But if he hadn’t have kissed me, I never would have had to tell him anything. But he just had tog o and do that.

I’ll admit, that kiss was amazing. I couldn’t believe how much I had missed him in the six years that I had kept myself away from him. I probably should have realized, but I was so stuck keeping all my emotions and feelings for him away so that it would be fair to Alex…

Alex…

Well, now I suppose that I was completely screwed in that aspect. Lovely. I was completely unsure what to tell him. But I knew that I was going to have to tell him everything when he came home tomorrow afternoon. Mostly because Lily would probably be the one to let the cat out of the bag if I didn’t. But I wasn’t exactly sure that I could bear having to tell him that I was still in love with Max. That it wasn’t fair that I was in a relationship with him when I couldn’t love him…

It wasn’t fair that I had ever agreed to start this relationship when I knew that I would never be able to love him like I should. It’s been a year and I still haven’t been able to deal with the fact that Alex loved me and I…well, see that’s where things got complicated. I loved Alex, I really did. But he was a friend to me. No one could open up that bottomless pit of love that I’d had for Max. There was simply no replacing him in my heart.

God. Things had just gotten a lot more complicated than I had ever wanted them to be. Wonderful. Absolutely freaking wonderful.

I stayed curled up into myself on the floor for a while. I honestly didn’t really deserve anything right now…

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Alex’s pov

Yesterday and all of last night was pretty amazing. Mayday Parade got to open for Hey Monday and All Time Low up in Atlanta. We had left yesterday morning so that we could practice all day and perfect everything. It would have been better if Wednesday and Lily had come with, but she refused. I kind of feel bad that she doesn’t really seem to like my career of choice. I really haven’t ever understood why, either, which is what really kind of upsets me over the whole thing.

I mean, she’s happy for me, I know that much. But she’s never explained fully why it is she won’t come to our shows or anything like that…

“Dude, Alex, you there? Or did you fall asleep too?” Derek’s voice penetrated my thoughts and pulled me out of them. I looked up from my lap and over at him as he switched between watching me in the rearview mirror and watching the road we were driving on. We had all been stuffed into our van for the last hour or so as we drove back to Tallahassee

“Nah, I’m awake. Sorry, man. Just thinking about Wednesday.”

“Ah, I see. How is she? I never see her anymore…”

“She’s good. Better than she has been, I think. I almost think she’s over Green.”

“That’s good. Don’t get your hopes up though, man. You know how good she is at faking it…”

“Yeah…I know…” It was true, though. She was really good at faking like she was happy. I really hoped that she’d still be happy when I came back. Correction. I hoped that this time she was actually happy.

“Get some sleep, dude. I’ll wake you up when we get to the gas station.”

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I actually didn’t wake up until Derek shook me awake, telling me that they were outside my house and to get my ass out of the van so that he could get home himself. Everyone else had, amazingly enough, managed to sneak out of the van without my notice. Damn. I must have been really fucking tired to sleep through everyone else getting dropped off…

I nodded and stretched my stiff muscles. A yawn escaped my lips as I unbuckled. Derek handed me my duffel bag and my guitar before closing the door behind me and climbing back into the driver’s seat and leaving me standing there, still half asleep, on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building. I stood there for a few more seconds, trying to wake myself up, before I turned around and made my way around the building to where the door to our apartment sat.

I walked in to find Wednesday curled up on the couch, back facing the door. Lily was playing in the living room floor with the television on some retarded reality show on VH1. Lily looked up and grinned at me as I closed the door behind me. She jumped up and ran over to me, throwing her little arms around my legs in an excited hug. I grinned and hugged her back after putting my stuff down.

“Hey, Lily!” I told the little girl, grinning at her. Wednesday was watching us from over the back of the couch. As soon as I saw her, I felt worry overcome me. Her eyes were red and puffy and I could tell she’d been crying. A lot.

I frowned at her, and she sighed, looking away from me and back towards the television. I released her daughter and stood, grabbing my stuff off of the floor and carrying it into the back bedroom that Wednesday and I now shared.

I would talk to Wednesday a little bit later. I could tell she wanted to stay silent for a while longer. I’d wait until Lily went to bed.

In the middle of my unpacking my bag, I saw movement in the doorway from the corner of my eyes. “Alex…” her voice sounded broken and as I looked up at her with a smile, she looked like she was on the verge of tears. “We need…to talk…” My heart began racing in silent worry as I nodded. She stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, leaning against it and watching me quietly for a few moments.

Oh great. I wasn’t sure if I was liking the way that this seemed to be headed…