Was I The Only One?

“Mom?” I shouted through the house as I bounded down the stairs.

“Yes, sweetie?” She called back, letting me know that she was in the front room.

I made my way in there and sat down next to her. “Mom, do you think Joe and I will be together forever?”

She looked slightly taken back by my questioning. “Well, that’s a very sweeping statement.” I chuckled, “Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, but if you want my honest opinion... I had little or no doubts that Joe will be my son-in-law some day.”

“What makes you think that?” I chimed.

My mom just shrugged, “The love you have for each other isn’t just some teenager sweet hearts love, it’s in your bones and being, the way you look at each other... it’s more than something temporary. You two actually remind me of your dad and me when we were about 2 years into our relationship. He’d get me so angry, but then it would be as if he’d never done anything wrong in the world only thirty minutes later. He just had a way of calming me.”

“Did you have that effect on him too?”

“Yes.” She giggled. “He could never be mad at me. I’d just batter my eye lashes and he’d give up his argument like that.” She snapped her fingers.

I played with the ends of my hair nervously. “Do you think dad would be happy I’m dating Joe?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?” I just shrugged, “Honey, your dad wanted nothing more for you than to be happy. Joe makes you happy, doesn’t he?” I bit my lip and nodded. “Well then.”

“He can be a prick sometimes though.” I murmured making my mom laugh.

“All men are!” She exclaimed, rubbing my leg with her hand. “Dear me, they aren’t the smartest creatures on earth but we love em’.”

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” I mused.

“And never were truer words spoken my love.” She sighed, “But as the French say, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

“Do you think Joe and I are two young for marriage?” She raised and eye brow at me, “We aren’t engaged! I’m just curious!”

She offered me a loving smile, “I think that you and Joe are both very responsible adults, you know how to handle each other and know what you want from each other. But I would hope it’s not just because of that purity ring.”

I shook my head, “No, no, no! It doesn’t even bother me at all, him... I don’t know.”

“Joe knows his limits I would hope.”

“I know his limits too, don’t worry.” I assured her, she just chuckled and kissed my forehead.

I sat in my empty bedroom surrounded by dull boxes and bare walls, I hadn’t seen my bedroom like this since we moved to Los Angeles. It was kind of surreal. I just sat looking at everything, my humming echoing around the room slightly. I ran my finger tips against the bed sheets I sat on, glancing at the clock that was still pulled into the wall and on top of my dresser. The taunting red lights flashed ’22:33’ once again reminding me that I was without my boyfriend the night before I would leave him.

I watched the minutes tick by as I lay on my bed...

22:39

22:56

23:08

23:26

23:47

00:00

00:13

I’d fallen asleep by the time it hit eleven thirty, I was tired from packing and as the room grew dark and I relaxed more into my soft mattress my eyes just grew sleepier and sleepier. Plus, the knowledge that I was going to be flying tomorrow sent me to sleep too. I knew I needed some sort of rest and I’d waited nearly two hours for him to come.

But, there was one thing Joe had forgotten... I was a very light sleeper. So when he opened the door to my bedroom and kicked one of the cardboard boxes in my bedroom my eyes shot open. I groaned as I pulled my limp body upright. Joe cursed when he saw that he had waked me up and switched the light on. My eyes felt uncomfortable with the sudden shock of light, I covered them with my arms and heard Joe curse again.

I pushed the cover off of my and crossed my legs under me. “Ow.” I whispered letting my eyes adjust.

“I am so, so sorry.” I heard him waffle as he shot over to me, kneeling down beside my bed. “I didn’t know that filming would run over then I had to go home and change and get food. I should’ve called—”

I pushed my finger against his lips, squinting my eyes. “Shhh.” I demanded, “Sleep.”

“You’re not mad?” His soft voice asked. I just closed my eyes and dropped myself back onto the bed.

I listened to him manoeuvre through my room to switch of the light then follow the path he had made back to the bed. I could sense my eyes just thanking him for turning off the light, I was way too tired to even talk to him. I just needed and wanted to go to sleep, I didn’t know how I felt about him being that late and not even calling me. But I’d let it slide, I wasn’t going to be the picky and annoying girlfriend. Though I did have my reasons to be.

Joe kicked off his shoes, then I listened to the sound of denim rubbing together as he pulled down his jeans and the small sound of him pulling off his shirt. I resisted complaining when he climbed over me and pulled the cover from me, letting the cold air bite my skin.

Joe soon warmed me up. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, but I wanted to cuddle into him. I twisted around in his strong arms and looked up to his face, Joe did look very tired, maybe even more tired than I was. I touched his tired eyes watching them close as he felt my finger tips on his skin, I trailed them gently across his face mapping it out with my fingers. A smile crept onto his lips as I smoothed them with my fingers. His arm snaked under my torso and pulled me into him, I held my breath when his large hand grasped my leg and pulled it over his body. My nerves tingled delightfully under his touch and my heart throbbed with desire for him. His fingers traced a love heart on my thigh making a smile creep to my face, then he traced his name with his finger; he’d done that since we were little so that I knew I was always going to be his.

Then his fingers worked their magic as he slowly tickled my skin sending me off into a deep and relaxed sleep in the comfort of his arms.

I woke up the next morning with the expectation of having breakfast with Joe before I left, but obviously my expectations were not lived up to. He was already gone by the time I had woken up, my heart sunk with sadness but a part of me hoped he would meet me at the airport to say goodbye.

One thing that did warm my heart was the note he left stuck to my bathroom mirror.

I was slightly confused when I caught sight of the piece of paper donned with black sharpie stuck to my mirror as I passed my bathroom door but soon became intrigued. I shuffled in there without a second thought and observed the two pieces of paper stuck to my mirror. On one he had written out one of my all time favourite poems in his messy yet adorable script.

‘The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours
And yours...’

And then, on a smaller piece of paper underneath it he had simply written...

‘I love you’

Then, just like that, he was forgiven and I was wrapped around his finger just like I had been for so long. It was at that point, standing in front of my mirror looking at the notes he had left me that I realized that no matter what happened or what had already happened, there was no one that I could love more than Joe. The love in my heart for him was never ending and it didn’t matter what life had in store for us because I knew there was no one in the world that could or would love me the way he loved me. The kind of love we had was a one that invaded every part of my being, one that was never off of my mind and one that was the most important thing to me. It was precious, raw, passionate and irreplaceable.

It was ours.