Worth The Wait

CH 12

When they walked through the door leading into her apartment both Sidney and Phoebe appreciated the warmth they were in. They could see their breath the entire way home, yet neither of them cared about the cold, they barely even noticed it- as funny as it sounds. They were happy just being together.

“Gosh, I didn’t realize how cold it was,” Phoebe took of her coat and unwrapped her scarf from around her neck, still shivering.

“I know what you mean,” Sid chuckled. He was in fewer clothes than her, his hoodie wasn’t as protective from the piercing cold Pittsburgh night, but he simply didn’t care.

“My gosh,” she said startled. “You must be just freezing!”

“I’m alright,” he walked over to her and briskly rubbed her arms in an attempt to warm her up. “Are you?”

She smiled up at him, “yeah, I really am right now.” She rested her hands on his waist and lightly dug her fingers into him. She was struggling not to pull him closer to her and he was fighting it harder than she was. Their touches were like fire on each other’s skin and as she continued to look up into his eyes she actually felt nervous. His breathing got heavier and his hands had fallen from her arms to her waist. He knew that if he didn’t do something quickly then he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He dug his fingers into her back and pulled her close to him in a hug. Her immediate reaction was to pull her arms from his back and run them up his sides and around her neck, her elevating on her tiptoes and nuzzling her head into the crease of his neck. She could feel him swallow and knew that he was just as nervous as she was.

Phoebe lifted her head and caught Sid off guard by pushing the tip of her nose against his. The two of them still embraced, she swallowed, looked him in the eyes, “I’m so sorry for hurting you.” Her voice was tortured and sincere and neither one of them needed to elaborate on what she was apologizing for. What she wanted to say was that she was sorry for letting Mike have his way with her and that she wished she could change what happened. Though she technically didn’t do anything wrong since she was engaged to Mike, it was also becoming more obvious to the two of them that she was engaged to someone out of obligation but in love with the man she had in her arms.

“Let’s go to bed,” Sid’s voice was raspy. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to contain himself much longer. If he didn’t get out of this situation something was going to happen and he feared that it would scare her away afterwards. He started his way towards her bedroom, grabbing her hand and dragging her behind him. She took in a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She’d had sex with Mike practically the entire time he was there, well, at least it felt that way anyway, but the way she felt with Sid completely beat out any of the feelings she had when she were with Mike. Ever.
He sat on her bed and she threw the sweatpants he grew accustomed to sleeping in at him. She didn’t bother to go into the bathroom, she undressed slowly and slipped into a pair of satin pajamas knowing she had Sid’s attention even if he was trying to be polite and keep his gaze off of her. He couldn’t help but stare at her silhouette as the moonlight scattered through the window and the way the light reflected subtly off her skin made him want her more. In an effort to compose himself, Sid went into the bathroom so that he wouldn’t be tempted to wrap his arms around her and slip off the fabric that clung loosely off her body.

Phoebe sighed in slight frustration. She didn’t know what she exactly was trying to accomplish but she knew whatever it was required Sidney to be in bed with her. As she slowly walked to the side of the bed she usually slept on, which was the side closer to the bathroom, Sidney walked out. She sat on the side of the bed and Sidney stopped in front of her, her heart pounding because she could feel the tension between them. Sid swallowed, afraid to move. Phoebe gently and carefully lifted her arms and placed her hands on Sid’s waist, looking up at him seductively. Sidney took deep breaths and felt his body going numb. Without thinking he instinctively brought his hands to her hips and lifted her up just enough to push her back on the bed. He crawled in between her legs so that he was lying on top of her and she bent them so that he could position himself better. They both knew that their relationship had completely passed the lines of appropriate and there was no turning back. She wanted so desperately to do the right thing and not cheat on Mike, and she never would have, but she never felt for Mike the way she felt for and with Sidney. She wanted him to kiss her and finally feel all of him.

Their breathing was labored and their eyes were glued together. Sid brought his hand under the rim of her shirt and ran it up her side, stopping right before reaching her bare breast, which he could feel just grazing the top of his hand. She trembled at his touch and found herself frozen in anticipation for what he was going to do next.

Sid could feel her body tremble beneath him and with the last ounce of sensibility he had left he forced himself to pull away from her. He stood in front of her bed and rubbed the back of his neck in agony. Phoebe was still trembling on the bed, her chest rapidly rising and falling from her breathing.

“I respect you too much to do this,” he whispered heavily. He didn’t know what to do because he felt like if something happened she would regret it in the morning. He wanted her to be his and the thought of her regretting being with him would be more than he could handle.

Phoebe didn’t say anything to him. She took a deep breath and slowly climbed off her bed. Sid did his best not to make eye contact with her but she placed her hand on his cheek and gently forced him to look at her. “Phoebe…” his voice was raspy and tortured. Once Phoebe got Sid’s eyes to penetrate hers, she ran her fingers lightly down the side of his face.

Sidney couldn’t take it anymore. She was standing in front of him practically begging him to make a move. He put one hand on her waist to hold her to him and the other behind her neck, right under her hairline. He delicately closed the small gap between them and kissed her passionately. When he felt her lips on his he didn’t know how to explain the feeling of what was going through him. His body relaxed because nothing had ever felt more right, but it was also exploding and begging for more. Their kissing intensified and Sid brought his hands to the front of her button down pajama top, slowly unbuttoning each one until he could slide the material off her body. He pushed her back on the bed and as he did Phoebe lifted the shirt off over his head.

Everything about this was what Sidney had been waiting for his entire life. He loved her, he knew that much, and making love to her was what he wanted to do since the moment he met her. Feeling her cling to him and hearing her moan made it easier for him to pull the remaining items of clothing off her body. He took a second to appreciate how beautiful she looked and grazed his hands up her sides. He found it impossible to keep his hands off of her. This was what he wanted for the rest of his life.

Phoebe couldn’t give herself to him enough. She wanted to be with him and feel him inside her. She easily guided the sweatpants he had on down his legs and kicked them onto the floor. She was wet and more than ready for him to enter her. When he finally pushed into her she closed her eyes and took in how good it felt to have him inside her.

Sidney had never felt this way with any other girl. Being in love with her made it so much more amazing and he couldn’t stop at this point. She moaned and whispered his name which excited him even more and the feeling she gave him when she ran her hands along his arms and back, digging into him with her fingernails giving him confirmation that she was enjoying herself, made it feel even better.

Sid couldn’t go deep enough for her. She wanted to feel as much of him inside of her as possible. Never had sex been as intimate or amazing as it was with Sid. She’d never felt this satisfied with Mike. Sid actually took the time to please her, he wanted to please her and she knew he loved her. He pulled out and sat up, grabbing her hand and pulling her close to him. She slowly sat down on him, rocking back and forth and up and down, both of them nearing climax. He buried his face in her breasts, grabbing them and toying with her nipples. He ran his tongue along her neck as his trail of kisses left fire on her skin. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, grabbing at the short, shaved hair on the back on his neck. She cried out when she felt herself going over the edge and kissed him as she settled back down- lingering kisses that, coupled with her satisfaction, made him instantaneously cum inside of her. He held onto her tightly and she continued to move her body in a way that made him enjoy it longer.

When both of their heads came back down from in the clouds he kissed her and looked her in the eyes. He wanted to desperately tell her how much he loved her but surprisingly he couldn’t find the words. She was just too beautiful for him to break the silence and for the first time, she was his. He brought her lips to his again and curled up with her, holding onto to her tightly as they aligned their bodies perfectly together.

“I…I didn’t mean to pressure you,” her voice was so soft Sid barely heard her. She felt guilty, like she had thrown herself at him and immediately started to regret it. Not because she didn’t want to be with him or because she loved Mike. It was because she felt like she gave him the impression that she was a whore who couldn’t be trusted. She loved Sidney, and she knew that she loved him more than she ever thought she loved Mike, but she didn’t know if she was being fair to him and she didn’t want to hurt him. The thought of him ever thinking she was untrustworthy, anything that would hinder him from loving her drove her crazy.

“Are you kidding?” he kissed the back of her head and placed his lips on her ear. “Phoebe…I’d been wishing for this since the moment since I met you.”

Feeling the tickle of his breath on her ear and the soft words he was whispering to her drove her mad. “I know what you mean,” she smiled.

He wanted her to tell him that she loved him, but how could he expect that when he hadn’t told her yet? It dawned on him that she still technically had a fiancé and immediately wondered what she was going to do about it. Those questions were for tomorrow though. Tonight he was going to enjoy holding her in his arms and the feeling he got when she would sporadically bend her head to kiss the arm that was wrapped around her or the hand that held onto hers.

When Phoebe woke up in the morning she delicately removed herself from Sid’s grasp and quietly got dressed so that she would be on time for class. He looked so peaceful that she felt guilty waking him up. Instead she kissed him on the forehead and snuck out of the apartment. She was secretly relieved that she didn’t have to face him. She was embarrassed. She felt unlovable, like she didn’t deserve for Sidney to ever love her. Had she not just cheated on her fiancé in the worst of ways then she wouldn’t have felt that way, but she did and all she felt like she accomplished was that she convinced Sid she couldn’t be trusted.

Sid woke up and went to reach for Phoebe but she wasn’t in bed with him anymore. He flickered his eyes open and searched the room for her but she was gone. He figured that she had gone to class. He had a basic idea of her schedule since he talked to her whenever he wasn’t with her, but he couldn’t understand why she didn’t wake him up. He knew she would never want to inconvenience him but seeing her first thing in the morning was what he looked forward to. He immediately got knots in him stomach thinking that she was running away from him, that she regretted everything that happened last night. He figured she would. He knew her. He knew how her mind worked, and truthfully he felt a little guilty about what happened because he didn’t tell her that he loved her…he didn’t tell her the one thing he’d been trying to find the right words for since she came into his life.

He decided that since he was leaving for a road trip in two days that he would have to muster up the courage to tell her. The thing was he wasn’t afraid of being honest with her. He was afraid of how it would come out and how she would react. If Richards weren’t in the picture than everything would be so much less complicated. He was going to tell her when he saw her, he was overwhelmed with anxiety and the only way he would be able to concentrate on anything would be if he told her.

When he tried calling her she didn’t answer but he figured it was because she was in class so he tried to send her a text. Thinking about last night gave him butterflies; he couldn’t
wipe the smile off his face. When she didn’t answer yet again he started to suspect that she was avoiding him, which would mean his biggest fears would be confirmed.

He had to go to practice, though he didn’t want to. He would have rather he got in touch with Phoebe and spent all day caressing her in bed but he had to leave. When he got to the rink and laced up he was approached by Jordan.

“What’s up man?” he nodded at him. “Still being driven crazy by Richards?”

“No.” It was a simple answer that said more than it should have to Jordan. He looked at his friend. “What do you mean, ‘no’? What happened? Usually you’d be all quiet or weird. You seem fine, just way too short of an answer.”

“Nothing Jord.” Sid looked down and smiled as went to skate away but Jordan pulled him back. “What the hell happened?” Jordan knew it couldn’t have been anything bad he just didn’t get why his buddy was acting so weird. It might have been imperceptible to anyone else, but he knew him well and he knew something was going on.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m going to find out one way or another. So you might as well run your mouth now so that neither one of us has to act all faggy and weird later.”

“Everything’s great Jord. For once, I think everything’s perfect.”

“You banged her didn’t you?”

Sid shook his head. “No man. It wasn’t like that. I never knew it could be that way with someone.”

Jordan rolled his eyes. “Whatever. That’s great. So does that mean she dumped Richards?”

“Um,” Sid fidgeted a little. “I don’t know.”

Jordan sighed. “Are you serious? You couldn’t wait for her to be single? Dude, Richards is going to freak the fuck out.”

“It wasn’t like I planned on it. Cut me some slack. I love her.”

“She knows that?”

“Well, no-“

“So you get in her but don’t tell her that you love her? She might think-“

He didn’t have to continue. Sid didn’t need to hear it. “I know. I’m going to tell her, I wanted to tell her I just couldn’t find the words. She was just so beautiful and I was in shock that I was actually the lucky bastard who got to hold her…”

“Alright with the mushy shit. Just tell her and figure out where you stand…preferably before Richards finds out.”

“I know. I have to tell her before we leave.”

“Good luck man.”

When Sid was done with practice he thought he might’ve missed her but when he checked his phone he still had nothing. He’d gone through his day and still didn’t hear back from her, not a text, not a return phone call, not even a missed call. Nothing. The longer he went without hearing from her the more paranoid he became. His thoughts were driving him crazy. He couldn’t sit still. He immediately drove over to her place and ran up to her apartment, waiting for the words to finally fall out of his mouth.

When she opened the door he barged right in. She turned towards him reluctantly and was hesitant to make eye contact with him. “Just come right in,” she mumbled and rolled her eyes.

“Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you all day.” He spun around to face her.

“I’m fine.” Sid may never felt the way for another girl how he felt for Phoebe, but he knew one thing. When a girl said she was fine, she definitely was anything but.

“You don’t sound fine. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. What’s up? What brings you here?”

“I have to talk to you.” He walked closer to her. “I’ve been trying to fight it and I know it complicates everything, but I just can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

Phoebe shook her head frustrated and confused. “What are you-“ she didn’t get the chance to continue talking, Sid’s lips crashing down onto hers interrupted her. It made her knees weak and took any words she would have used right out of her mouth. He slowly pulled his face far enough away from hers where he could speak, yet their noses were touching, he was cradling her face in his hands and his eyes were piercing hers. “I love you Phoebe. I love you so much it hurts me.” He was so relieved to finally tell her. It didn’t terrify him, it felt so right. He felt like he should’ve been saying this to her all along.

Phoebe wanted to do so many things with his confession. Instead of telling him that she loved him too she panicked and felt the tears start forming in her eyes.

Sid swallowed, nervous by her lack of responsiveness. “Now would be a great time to say something…”

“I-I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” she fumbled with the words.

“What? That’s your answer?” he was completely baffled.

“No, I just-I don’t understand how you can love me. I’m engaged to someone else and I slept with you.”

“So what I was a fling to you? You want to go back to being the way we were? You think we could go on that way? You have a fiancé and I’m the guy you fuck when he’s gone?”

“See! That’s exactly my point!” she screamed. “How could you ever trust me now? I ruined everything! How could you be with me and trust that I wouldn’t cheat on you? I mean, I never would, but you’d never believe it! Because I did it to Mike you’d assume I’d do it with you,” she was starting to fall apart.

“No, Pheebs… no! I don’t think that. I know you. I know everything about you. I love you and I know that you don’t love him. I know how he treats you…I know that at the end of the day we’re supposed to be together because you’re it for me.”

She wanted to jump into his arms and drag him into the bedroom. She wanted him to know she fell in love with him the moment his hand first touched hers and that being in his arms at night was more satisfying to her than any of the years she’d spent with Mike.

“I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be hearing this. Regardless of what’s going on between me and Mike and even if he cheats on me, I swore I’d never do that. And I did. And now you can’t trust me.”

“Phoebe come on. Don’t do this, you’re only doing this because you’re afraid—and you KNOW me! You know me and you know I love you, I’d give up my life for you, and guess what? I know you feel the same way. I’m not him. You’d never have a reason to pay attention to anyone else.”

He was totally and completely right. Everything he was saying was true but she couldn’t understand why he would fall for her. She didn’t want to admit to it and get hurt when he cheated on her in the future or he didn’t trust her because of what happened with Mike.

“I can’t Sid.” She couldn’t even make eye contact with him because she knew he’d see right through her.

His stomach was in knots. “You’re telling me that you don’t love me? You’re willing to just give up what we have?”

“I’m sorry,” she struggled to whisper out.

Sid was numb with disbelief. He angrily spun around and walked out the door, slamming her front door behind him. He walked to his car rapidly, leaving a trail of the pieces from his broken heart behind him. He was angry and embarrassed but he mostly felt shattered. He was crazy in love with this girl and he put everything on the line for her, he knew that she loved him too—at least he thought she did, and now nothing made sense. Jordan was right, and he sped to his house with one thing on his mind.

He was focused on nothing but forgetting what had just happened. He hurried passed everyone at Jordan’s and looked around for the first easy target he could find. It took him mere seconds but he saw the perfect distraction, she was in a top as low cut as it could go and caked on make up like a Barbie. She had long brown her that must’ve taken her hours to perfectly coif and her thong rode just above the rim of her jeans. “Yes,” he thought. “Couldn’t make it any easier if she tried.”

He hungrily approached her, not because he thought she was hot or because he was horny, it was because his heart was scattered on the ground from Jordan’s place to hers, and he couldn’t stand thinking about it anymore. “Hey,” he said in a low tone. She turned around and looked at him biting her lip, satisfied by whose attention she captured.

“Hey,” she purred at him seductively.

Sid winced at how slutty she was—he just couldn’t bring himself to find that merely attractive anymore, but she was there and he was hurting. He placed his hands on her hips, “you wanna go upstairs?” he put the offer right on the table.

Still biting at her lower lip she looked at him seductively. “Sure, I’d love to.”

……………………………………………………………………………………

Phoebe was still having a hard time catching her breath. Everything Sid told her was what she’d secretly been longing to hear. The truth was she loved him too. She hated herself for lying to him, she hated herself for pushing him away. All she wanted to do the right thing but she wasn’t sure what that was anymore.

It took her about five minutes after he rushed out the door, heartbroken, for her to realize she was making the biggest mistake of her life. She’d been with Mike since she was seventeen, but he never treated her the way Sid treated her, he never made her feel special; like they knew everything about each other and were made to be together.

Before she knew what she was doing, she tearfully grabbed her keys and found herself rushing to Jordan’s. She knew Sid was there and she wanted to get to him and tell him that she loved him. She felt the anticipation inside her growing, the tears falling down her cheeks and the guilt setting into her body. When she pulled up to Jordan’s she ran inside amidst the sea of people. She stopped in the living room and searched frantically for the tall, handsome, brown wavy haired boy. She instead saw Jordan and ran to him, her long sweater flying open revealing the tank top she had underneath as she quickly did.

“Jordan!” she screamed and he turned to look at her.

“Hey Pheebs, what’s going on?” he looked at her confused; he could see the anxiety on her face.

“Where’s Sid? I…I need to talk to him,” she stammered out.

“Uh, I-I don’t know,” he tried to react. “I haven’t seen him, I guess he’s upstairs.”

Before he could say anything more she disappeared and ran upstairs. She stopped once she reached the top of the stairs and threw her head from side to side trying to figure out which door he was behind. She noticed that there were only a few shut doors and they were towards the end of the hall, so she quietly made her way down the hallway and very lightly tapped on the first door. When she didn’t hear anything she felt comfortable enough to open it, and when she did she gasped in shock.

Sid was standing there shirtless, his perfect abdomen being caressed by the brunette he found downstairs. His jeans were unbuttoned and his boxers were peaking through his open zipper. The girl’s shirt was off and their lips were locked, it wasn’t hard to know where this was about to lead. Frozen in hopelessness, Phoebe closed her eyes wishing the image in front of her to disappear but when she opened them she realized it wasn’t going anywhere.

Sid saw someone through the corner of his eye and pulled his mouth away from the girl long enough to look up and see Phoebe standing there with heartbreak plastered on her face and tears falling down her cheeks. In that moment he wanted to die, everything inside him began to hurt because he knew exactly why she was there.

“Shit!” he yelled, pushing himself away from the girl.

“No,” Phoebe stammered. “No, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have come here,” and with that she turned to run, her face swollen from crying.

Sidney tried to get his clothes back on quick enough to catch her before she left. “Son of a bitch!” he screamed on the top of his lungs. “Phoebe! Wait!” he pleaded with her to give him the chance to explain, but there was no explanation needed.

He sprinted, jumped, and tripped his way down the stairs after her and got to her just as she was about to slam the front door behind her. He spun her around and searched her eyes for any sign of hope. “NO!” she screamed, pulling herself away from his grasp. “Just don’t touch me! I shouldn’t have come, it’s my fault really,” she repeated. She laughed at herself in embarrassment. “Ya know, you tried to convince me that Mike wasn’t right for me and that you would never treat me the way he does. Well, guess what Crosby? You just did. You’re exactly the same as he is. Go back to your whore,” her voice shook as she was about to burst into sobs and she pulled away from him and ran to her car.

Sid stood there in shock knowing he just screwed up everything beyond repair. He felt the tears slide down his cheeks and he tugged on his hair in agony. He didn’t talk to anyone he just went home and tried to figure out what he was going to do.