Worth The Wait

CH 15

It was a bittersweet morning for Sid as he woke up next to Phoebe. Ordinarily it was a feeling he couldn’t describe, holding her in his arms, watching her sleep so peacefully curled up into him. Today was different. He was leaving and when he came back she might be gone. He was leaving with the intentions of being with her. She was leaving with the intentions of fleeing from him. He knew it meant something that when he woke up they were spooning, that his back was to her and she was snuggled up into him. He felt peace feeling her arm tightly wrapped around his waist and folded up under his arm. He slowly rolled over and took a good look at her. He appreciated the way she slowly inhaled indicating that she felt safe and secure in his arms. He took in the way her hair looked like a hot mess in the morning, yet she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon. He chuckled as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, waking her from her slumber.

“Good morning,” he smiled down at her.

“Good morning,” she purred back at him. Still in a daze from her heavy sleep she didn’t really let herself keep her guard up. She was happy to be in his arms and the way she looked at him gave it away.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked with a grin spreading across his face. She nodded still contently smiling. “You look so adorable in the morning,” the words fell out of his mouth, his feelings for her growing stronger with each passing morning.

Phoebe looked up at him flickering her eyelashes. She had already run her hand up his side and to the back of his neck. She couldn’t explain the feeling that swept over her even if she wanted to and without thinking she pulled his head to meet hers and brought their lips together. Sid easily wrapped his arm around her and swiftly mounted himself on top of her. Their clothes were on the ground quicker than they could get them off. Sid let his hand roam down her body and between her legs to make sure that she was wet enough for him. After massaging her briefly he slid into her and felt the butterflies inside him erupt every time she let out a moan. It felt so damn good to hold her and be inside her. Look into her eyes and feel her legs wrap around him as they made love that Sid was completely coming undone. Everything was on the table for him. His heart was at its most vulnerable.

Phoebe was in a state of complete satisfaction. Not just sexually but emotionally as well. Despite the fact that she was leaving for Philly in a week, engaged to another man and broken over seeing Sidney in the arms of another girl, nothing mattered at this moment. Making love to Sid was the most intimate she’d ever been with another person. Her heart was pounding. She couldn’t keep from running her hands over his muscular body. She didn’t want their mouths to be apart for too long.

Her legs were wrapped around his back and they were moving their bodies in sync, he was kissing her collarbone and running his hands up and down her legs. She was digging her fingers into his back, nibbling at his neck. She couldn’t keep it in anymore, “I love you,” she panted in a whisper that was barely audible, but Sid heard it. His heart stopped for a brief moment, not sure he believed what he just heard. He’d been praying to hear those words for as long as he’d known her. He pulled back just enough so that he could look her in the eyes. “I love you,” he panted back. The intensity of their lovemaking was binding them together in such a way that was stronger than anything either one of them was ready for.

Sex had never felt even remotely as intimate with anyone else other than each other. Sid had been with his share of women, but he’d never been as satisfied or happy. Phoebe had her share of sex with Mike, but it never felt this way before. It was so different. They both knew it the first night they had sex, they could tell just from the little moments they had together- holding hands, stealing glances- and the first night they fell asleep in each others arms before they had sex they both felt their hearts meshing together in an unstoppable way.

When Sid pulled out of her, drained emotionally and physically, he kissed her and immediately laid down next to her and pulled her close to his body. She was still tingling being pressed against his naked chest and inhaled him. It didn’t take long for panic to set in. She had royally messed up again, she felt so guilty. The longer she stayed with Sid the harder it was for her to think clearly. This was why she was going to Philadelphia; this was what terrified her to the core. She loved him more than she had ever loved Mike, but again she felt like she proved to Sid that she was untrustworthy. She didn’t want to be with him and lose him. That, she thought, would be the most unbearable thing in the world.

“Phoebe,” Sid said her name so tenderly that it softened her confused heart. She didn’t want to look into his eyes but she couldn’t help it. “Did you mean what you said?”

She didn’t need to waste time or play stupid. She knew exactly what he was asking her. He wanted to know if she meant it when she said she loved him or if she were merely caught up in the moment. She wanted to lie to him and save him from anymore hurt but looking into the eyes of the man she loved made it impossible for her to tell him otherwise. “More than you could possibly know,” she said meekly.

Sid breathed out in relief and kissed her passionately through his uncontainable smile. “You mean everything to me,” he said in between kisses. “I’ve messed up in my life and I know I caused you unimaginable pain the other night and thinking of me being the one to hurt you kills me. I don’t…want to lose you,” his tone was serious and sincere. “I can deal with a lot of things, but that isn’t one of them.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I know I’ve made things complicated in both our lives to say the least, and I’m sorry.”

Sid immediately felt his body tensing. He was bracing himself for her to recant the sentiments she expressed to him.

“If Mike weren’t in my life this would be so much simpler. I can’t pretend like I don’t love you anymore, I tried, but I just can’t. I’ve slept with you…it isn’t deniable. I just…I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I don’t think it would be a good thing if we were together.”

“What are you talking about?!” his voice was elevating.

“Listen to me,” she gently placed her hand on his cheek. “I’m only going to say this one time. I love you, but, I don’t think we could be together because of what I’ve done and how I’ve handled everything. I’ve made love to you while being engaged to someone else. Seriously Sid, what would keep you from thinking in the back of your mind that I wouldn’t do that to you as well? I never thought I was the type of girl to cheat on someone, I never have in the past and I hate myself for it. I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you, I’m saying that I couldn’t risk being with you and losing you somewhere down the road.”

“Why do you think I would give up on you so easily?”

“Because I’ve made it so easy for you to do so.”

“No you haven’t,” he was in disbelief. “You’ve done the exact opposite. Phoebe, don’t you realize by now that I know you better than you know? Don’t you think I know that about you? Do you think I’d be fighting so hard for you if I thought you were a skanky cheater? I know the only reason that we can’t keep away from each other is because we belong together.”

She closed her eyes and tried to compose herself. “Sid…” she was feeling herself begin to get tired of fighting her feelings. “What am I going to do with Mike then? Just leave him after everything we’ve been through?”

Sid was feeling the anger in him rise. He was frustrated. “Do you love him?”

“What?” she wasn’t prepared to answer that question.

“It’s really simple Pheebs. Do you love Richards?”

“What does that matter?”

“It matters to everything. It matters because if you do then you should get out of this bed, leave me, go to Philly and never come back, but if you don’t, and if you’re finally ready to be honest, you should go there and break it off with him, come back and marry me.”

Her eyes widened and her body became numb. Marry? He wanted to marry her? He thought she was loveable enough to marry? “What did you just say?”

Sid didn’t care that he let the words he just spoke fall out of his mouth so decidedly. She needed to hear it. “I said you should go whip the meaningless ring he gave you at his head and come back here so that I can give you two new ones.”

“You’re serious?” she asked bewildered.

He swallowed in fear of rejection. “I am.”

Sid held his breath waiting for her response. “You’re certain of this? I mean…we, we haven’t known each other very long-“

He quickly pressed his lips to hers. “I don’t care,” he pulled away looking her in the eyes. “I’ve known since the first day I met you. I need to know you feel the same way.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved Mike the way I love you.” Her statement wrapped itself around his heart.

“So you’re going to break it off then?”

“I’m going to go to Philly and deal with him on my own. And just so you know, everything you just said to me…I’ve never wanted anything more.”

*****************************************************************************
Those words and that morning were things that kept Sidney holding on when she was in Philadelphia. He spent everyday waiting for her to come home to him, waiting for her to have the official freedom to be his. It was also what he thought about when Jordan turned on the NHL network and saw Richards ugly-ass face plastered on it. He looked at Jordan with pure confusion and a little resentment as to why he would shove an interview with Richards in his face. Then his world shattered.

“Yeah, the season’s had its up’s and down’s but everything’s coming together,” Richards answered the interviewee’s questions. “Yeah, I’m thrilled about being elected to the Olympic Team… and I’ll finally be marrying my longtime girl around that time so I couldn’t be happier with my life right now.” His fake persona shot directly through Sidney. He thought back to the last morning he saw Phoebe and everything they’d said to each other. Of all the things he expected, this was the last. And the worst part was that he knew the only reason Richards said anything was so that he could hurt him. He looked at Jordan and back at the television, his jaw hanging open. “What the fuck!”