You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Billie Joe was anxious. Everyone ( especially Adrienne ) had told him he needed to take better care of himself, those anxiety attacks were no fucking joke. Today he had nothing but echoed warnings running through his head and no one to blame but himself.

Billie was sitting at the airport gates, waiting with a persistently shaking foot; Adrienne was coming to visit. Normally, that put him in a pretty good mood. He'd missed her, of course. They did everything together, worked on Adeline, raised the kids...She'd been the one from the very beginning, his soul mate. Until he had to go and get all ass over tea kettle crazy for Ava. Now the wife was going to come stay with him while the girlfriend was hanging out in the bus parked ten feet away. The very volatile, eccentric at best, girlfriend.

As he watched his foot shaking against the speckled linoleum tile, a shadow loomed over him. He looked up slowly and innately grinned at the site of Adrienne standing over him, suitcase at her feet and jacket slung over her arm. She was beautiful, as always. Her hair and makeup had been displaced and smudged by the long flight, but he still thought she looked good.

“Hey, you,” He said quietly, standing up to greet her at full height, just tall enough so that he had to tilt his head to look down at her face when they stood this close. Her face stretched into a slow grin as she reached out a hand to stroke the side of his face, taking a stray strand of his growing hair in her fingers to caress.

“Hey back,” She grinned and a shaky breath rattle through his chest as he closed her eyes against his touch. Her hand moved to brush his forehead, down past his eye, stopping to cup his cheek. He let the breath out and buried his face in her neck. He felt the motion of her laughter shaking him and sighed. “What's gotten into you?” She asked.

He planted a kiss on her neck and pulled back, giving her a lazy smile. “I missed you.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“I love you,” He added, and as always, she had no reason to doubt him. His green eyes were soft and promising.

“I know that too,” She grinned and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Now come on, I've been to hell and back on that damned plane, I need somewhere to relax.” She nudged him, bending to grab her suitcase. He beat her to the punch, picking it up then holding out his free hand for her to take.

“The bus isn't exactly relaxing,” He warned, “In case you forgot or something, Tre's still worse than Joe and Jake. Combined.”

“Billie Joe Armstrong, don't you know who you married?” She grinned as her delicate fingers wound around his bicep, squeezing it reassuringly. A fresh batch of guilt stirred in his stomach. Do you? He thought uneasily. “I'm no pussy, I've been with you forever, and I knew what I was getting myself into every step of the way.”

“Whatever you say,” He grinned, dipping his head to her before leading her out of the airport.

***********************************************************************************

“You ready for tonight?”

Ava's head shot up and she would have staggered back if she hadn't been sitting down.

Tre.

The last person she expected to see right now.

Or ever, really.

Unless you counted her wild day dreams that involved Sid Vicious busting down the door and showing her who was boss.

“What are you doing here?”

He shrugged, standing in the doorway looking more uncomfortable than Ava cared to think about. She almost felt guilty about the whole thing, but like hell was she going to apologize.“I dunno, kid, something told me you might need some company right 'bout now.”

“And something told you you'd be the right person to give me some?”

He looked around the room for a second before returning to her waiting gaze. “Can I come in? Or should I be worried about getting mauled again?”

She rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “No worries, Mr. Cool. I'm on my best behavior tonight.” He took a few steps inside and sat in the nearest seat, surveying the room wearily. She wondered fleetingly if he was afraid to come any closer, then realized she didn't give a shit if he was. “So, what exactly are you doing here again?”

He gave her one of his looks which she shrugged off. “Because Adrienne's going to be here tonight.”

“So I heard, good for her.” She got up and walked over to her acoustic guitar and scattered pages of tablature, rooting around for some excuse he didn't try to take the time to justify.

“Kid, shit could get ugly tonight-”

“If I don't keep my cool? I know. Listen, did Billie send you over here to make sure I'm gonna keep the lock on, or what?”

“No-”

“Cause I've told you both a few fucking times, I'm a big girl, I can handle myself.” She stopped, and knitted her eyebrows together in concentration. Tre raised his in confusion. She looked up at him, and her eyes had softened. “What's she like?”

Tre was a little thrown off and had to shake himself back into character. “Fuck, Ava.” He shook his head and she waited. “She's Adrienne. She's smart and nice as hell, and she keeps Billie in line. I think you guys would get along if you-”

“If I weren't fucking her husband.” She finished and nodded, resigned to her own conclusions. She looked up at him, her eyes piercing. “Is she the right girl for him?”

Tre sighed and leaned back in the chair, rocking it. He folded one leg on the other and thought about it. “That's not my question to answer, kid.”

“But you know the answer.” She challenged, her words digging at him.

“I do, but he's going to have to figure that out for himself.”

Ava was quiet, playing with the fraying hem of her jeans. “He's going to have to choose.” She said, breaking the stony silence.

“He is,” Tre nodded.

Ava sighed, and she looked so small and fragile on the other side of the room, curled up against the wall. “He's not going to choose me,” She added, so quiet he wasn't sure which one of them was meant to hear it.

“I wouldn't jump to that just yet-”

“He's not, Tre.” She said it louder now. “She's got the kids, the normalcy, the foundation, the history-”

“But for some reason, that wasn't enough.” He interrupted. “Just wait on it, kid. He still surprises me sometimes.”

She nodded once, hoping that for all of his idiocy and immaturity, Tre knew what he was talking about this time.

***********************************************************************************
“We've got one more song for you guys tonight,” Ava said into the microphone during Blackbird's set later that night, surveying the crowd, “And it's a new one, so I hope you guys enjoy it.” The audience applauded as she took up her guitar to start picking out a shaky, eerie melody.

“My lips are shaking my nails are bit off.
Been a month since I've heard myself talk.”

Ava wrote the song once she couldn't be angry about Billie Joe anymore, just sad and broken. Andy had found it a few days ago in the pile of mutilated lyrics on their way to the bin and declared it pure Edgar Allen fucking Poe himself pure genius, demanding immediate round the clock band practice to perfect it. Ava had never really wanted to see it again, to tell the truth.

She went back to the mic and sang the next few line's softly, looking at her feet and letting out a shaky breath.

“All the advantage this life's got on me.
Picture a coffin in the middle of the sea.”

Adrienne had arrived a few hours before the show, and Ava had made sure to be fully engrossed in the mundane task of changing the strings on every guitar the band owned from the time that Adrienne and Billie had made it back from the airport until it was time for Ava to leave for to the sound check. But that didn't mean that she hadn't decided to sneak a peak at the two of them...

Or sit curled up by the window peaking out through the shades waiting for them to walk by until it made her back ache from the angle.

Adrienne was gorgeous. Ava didn't know exactly what she'd been expecting, but Adrienne wasn't it. Dreadlocks and tattoos? She'd been hoping for Christmas sweater and cellulite wife, not hot and fun wife. She'd watched them walk from the car to the bus, Billie carrying her suitcase and nodding while she talked with her hands and gestured to a million and one different memories the two shared. Her face lit up and her laughed sounded like soft silk.

She was perfect.

And Ava felt ugly and dead next to her.

The song picked up speed just as Ava's blood was started to pulse through her body. The heavy drum beat and crescendoing guitar chords led up to the rough, throaty voice she inflected for the chorus.

“And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show.”

She took a deep breath and hammered on, choking back the taste of sawdust in her throat.

“Oh, I walked alive when you held me in that night.
I walked alive when you held my hand that night.”

The noise level dropped as Ava started in on that same melody, picking the notes unevenly and closing her eyes.

“An empty shell seems so easy to crack.
Got all these questions. Don't know who I could even ask.
So I'll just lie alone and wait for the dream where I'm not ugly and you're looking at me.”

Ava looked over to cue Andy in for the increasing tempo when she saw them. Billie was watching her, arms crossed tight over his chest. His jaw was set in a defined clench, his eyes locked onto hers as if he knew she'd look at him all along. We need to talk, they were saying. He was mad, but Ava wasn't sure if it was at her or not. Adrienne had an arm around him, leaning into his shoulder and watching with interest.

It was over. And Ava felt like she was going to be sick.

“And I stay in bed. Oh, little I've seen there.
If just once I could feel loved, oh, Stare back at me .
But I walked alive when you held me in that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held my hand that night.
Oh, I walked alive when you held me close that night.
I paid the price. Never held you in real life.”

Her hands sawed away at the strings as the outro grew louder. She bit her lip until she tasted blood. It hurt like hell but barely registered amongst the chaos swimming in her brain between Billie and Adrienne cuddled up on side stage and the crowd in front of her. She strummed the Les Paul like it owed her money, her hair falling over her face. She could feel the sweat running down her face from her hairline, a tear escaping her eye. She felt like a tornado, pent up anger just spinning, spinning, spinning. She took a desperate gasping breath of fresh air and realized she'd been holding her breath.

Then, everything stopped.

The song was over and the crowd was going crazy. Actually crazy. She'd never seen heard anyone get so loud for them. She gaped at the crowd, then turned on her heel. She had to get the fuck out of here. The band could handle it.

She took her guitar off her shoulders and thrust it into the hands of a waiting tech, pushing her damp hair back from her face and taking a shallow breath as she distantly heard Andy telling the audience what a great crowd they'd been and how grateful the band was blah blah blah. Amidst the chaos running through her mind and the deafening applause, Ava felt a delicate hand rest on her shoulder. Ava whirled around, ready to tell the grabby prick to get fuck themselves when she saw who it was.

“You were really, really great!” Adrienne beamed. “I've heard a lot of your stuff before, and when Billie Joe told me you were opening I was pretty psyched to see you guys. And that last song was by far the best one I've heard.”

Ava gaped at her for a second, but was back on her feet before anyone noticed. Except maybe Billie. Or maybe he was just anxious in general.

“Thanks, that's really cool.” She grinned as big as she could while her heart was being wrenched in two. “I'm Ava,” She added, extending a hand.

“I know,” Adrienne smiled as she took the offered hand. Ava's stomach dropped at her touch. “I'm Adrienne, Billie's wife.” She gestured with a nod behind her where Billie looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Nice to meet you,” Ava nodded, and the lie made her nauseous, tasted bitter on her tongue. She pulled her hand back. “If you'd excuse me, I just can't stand to be in these clothes another minute.” She grinned and felt like slapping herself. The conversation was so poised and polite it made her squirm beneath her skin. Where had the real Ava run off to? The one who never lied? The one who would never sacrifice her dignity to keep someone else's marriage together?

Adrienne laughed. “Of course, I'm sure I'll see you around.”

Ava nodded and left before she threw up right then and there.