In Fate's Hands

“So how did you two exactly get together?” Ian asked.

I stayed quiet for a little while. I didn’t even think about a believable story to tell Ian so Nick wouldn’t get in trouble with Ian for lying to him. “I had to look for Keegan and Kaedyn so my parents wouldn’t flip out, and I found them at Ethan’s brother Nathan’s house. He invited me in for a little while, and we just kind of…connected, I guess. We both figured out that it was kind of premeditated, that we’ve both been feeling the same way about each other, but never said anything to the other.” I shrugged, only semi-lying, leaving out the alcohol and game of spin the bottle.

He smiled. “That’s cute.”

I nodded and looked away, my mood going from carefree to worried. Whenever Ethan isn’t with me or in my sight, my mind is always racing and wandering off. I wonder if Ethan is pulling his shit with Chase or anyone else and having his way with them, or if he’s acting somewhat civil and behaving himself. The latter sounded really appealing, but knowing his past actions and habits, I had major doubts as to whether it was true or not.

“Ry, Riley, hey.” Ian said quietly, putting his hand over mine, stopping my hand from darkening the line I was drawing and redrawing on my notebook paper with my pencil. It was always one of my nervous habits.

I looked up at Ian, and my worry obviously came through my facial expression.

“Are you okay? What’s the matter?” Ian asked.

I sighed. “It seems too surreal. No one can change that fast. I think Ethan’s just playing me. I’m constantly worrying that he’s off fucking Chase or someone else whenever he’s not with me.”

“Aww, hun.” Ian grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. “You can trust me when I say this. He’s not just playing you.”

“But that’s the thing. He’s sneaky, he’s manipulative. He could be tricking us all.” I said, thinking that I sounded totally paranoid.

“Do you really think he would’ve acted the way he did in the hall if he didn’t care? Don’t you think he would’ve already tried getting in your pants if he didn’t have legit feelings for you?”

“Well yeah, but-” I was cut off when I heard Ethan’s voice coming from his class. The only thing I heard was “now fuck off”. When I heard the door close and footsteps coming down the hall, I kept watch for him.

“You better be making your way down to the office, Ethan.” I heard the English teacher yell down the hall.

He passed the study hall room, looking furious, and flipped off the teacher, continuing down the hall. I heard a set of doors open, and I had an idea where he went.

“Mrs. Johnson, may I use the bathroom?” I asked politely, raising my hand.

She smiled at me. “Sure, Riley, take the pass.”

I smiled back and shot out of my desk, turning to look at Ian, who had a little smile on his face. I gave him another worried expression as I grabbed the pass and went out into the hall. I turned down the hall to the side doors that I knew Ethan went out to smoke in between or during classes.

I tapped on the glass before opening the door, not wanting to bug him if he didn’t want to be bugged.

He turned around and I gave him a small wave. He half-smiled and waved for me to come outside. I pushed open the door quietly and only let enough space for me to squeeze through, shutting it almost silently. He wrapped his arm around me, and I put both of mine around him, resting my head on his shoulder, not caring about the smoke that was clouding my face.

“What are you doing out of class?” Ethan asked, dropping his almost fully smoked cigarette, stepping on it.

“I heard you raging in English, and I wanted to know what happened.” I said simply, looking at him.

He looked at me, looking troubled and frustrated, letting go of me.

“Fucking Chase can’t get it through his sex crazed brain that I’m not available anymore.” He said, starting to pace slightly.

“What did he do?” I asked, kind of scared to know what Chase tried, or succeeded, to do.

Ethan sighed, leaning up against the side of the building, sliding down it. I squatted in front of him, looking at him, concerned, and I swear he had tears brimming his bottom eyelid. He avoided looking at me, a hard expression on his face.

“Hey.” I said, turning his face to face me, looking straight into his eyes.

“I feel so fucking disgusting.” He said quietly.
“Why?” I asked, my voice just as quiet and gentle.

“Just…everything that I’ve done in the past is so nasty. Looking at what Chase just tried to pull on me makes me realize that it’s just…” He trailed off, a tear falling from his eye.

I wiped it away with my thumb and kept my hand on his cheek.

“I don’t even deserve you. You’re the definition of perfect, and I’m just a fuck up.” Ethan said, directing his eyes away from my face again.

This was a side of Ethan I’ve never seen before. I doubt anyone’s seen this side of him, the side that puts him below everyone else.

I scooted closer to him, so we were knee to knee and my face was only a few inches from his. “Ethan, you are not a fuck up, and I’m the farthest thing from perfect. I think you deserve me more than anyone else.”

He looked at me sheepishly through his hair, smiling a small smile.

I gave him a little kiss, parting from him and staring right into his amazing blue eyes, running my fingers through his hair.

Ethan stood up, pulling me with him, hugging me tightly. “This is so embarrassing.”

“What?” I asked.

“I’ve never cried in front of someone before.” He said.

I tightened my hug. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

I loved every second we spent in each others arms. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I didn’t know if he’d be scared away by that or if it’s too early, or if I actually loved him or not.

“Do you see this lasting?” I asked.

Ethan tilted my head to look at him. “Do you want it to?”

I nodded, smiling.

He tilted my lips to his. I put my hands on each side of his soft face while he kept his arms wrapped around my waist.

I heard someone tapping on the glass of the door. We parted from our kiss and looked in the direction of the noise, seeing Ian and Nick standing there, giggling profusely.
I turned back to Ethan, giving him another small kiss. “I think we need to go back to class.”

He put on a pouty face, giving me a sideways grin. “Really?”

I nodded, blushing. “Really.”

He sighed resting his forehead on mine, smiling. “I guess you’re right.”

We kissed once more before Ian and Nick opened the door for us to get back into school.