Undream the Echoes
One last time
Liam
11.15.2004
It is an unusually cold day for November, even for Massachusetts, where the winters are as big of a bitch as Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. Not that I've read Gossip Girl. It’s Elle’s fault. Don’t judge me.
The thermometer reads 15 degrees and just looking at that number makes me shiver. Elle and I have both decided to take the day off; she likes the idea of staying in and starting a fire to rebel against the oncoming winter. The holiday season is rolling around already and everyone’s beginning to catch the Christmas fever, including Elle. I can’t say I mind, even though I don’t like Christmas too much. The excitement of Christmas always puts Elle in a good mood, and so I’m in a good mood too. Well…good enough, considering my…state.
But the main reason why I agreed to stay in today was because I’ve finally decided it’s time to tell Elle about…you know. I fidget with the napkin in my pocket, wondering how I’m going to break the news.
“Hey.” Her soft voice sounds like dripping honey. She walks up behind the chair I’m sitting in and folds her arms around my shoulders. The blanket she has wrapped around her encases me as well, and I’m trapped in a safe cocoon of warmth and her sweet scent.
“Mm,” I reply, inhaling her essence. I had wanted to live as long as I could without telling her; I wanted to cling on to normalcy for as long as I could. But I have to tell her now. It’s not fair to her if I keep the secret to myself – that would just be selfish and cruel. But then I begin to think, well, an extra hour of normalcy couldn’t hurt. “The bedroom,” I suddenly demand, and in a flash I’ve picked Elle up bridal style and am marching over to our room.
“Liam!” she shrieks and her voice subsides to a wave of giggles. I shut the door behind us. One last time, I think in my head. Just one last time for Elle to think everything is okay. Just one last time for her to make love to me without her knowing that she is fucking a dead man. One last time.
An hour or so later, we’re sprawled out on the bed, both gasping for air. Elle’s head is on my chest, rising and falling with each breath I take, and her hair is damp from sweat. I’m not quite sure where the sheets ran off to; I think we kicked them off the mattress somehow. We’ve cracked the window open a little bit to let a trickle of air in, and even though it’s bitter cold outside, it feels nice against our burning hot skin.
“I have to tell you something,” Elle whispers, breaking the serene silence.
My heart freezes. “I, uh…” I begin but I have to clear my throat. “I have to tell you something too, actually.”
I feel Elle smile against my skin. She turns her head to kiss my chest before looking up at me with those big blue eyes that have seemed to capture the sky. “Don’t worry, mine’s not bad news or anything,” she reassures me.
Oh. So I guess she finally got that grant for her café, then. She’s wanted to make an addition to it so she could have more space and therefore more customers, but first she needed to get a loan or two. She’s been working on getting it for months now and I can see why she’s so happy.
What I have to say, however, is going to ruin her. “Mine is bad news,” I say.
Her smile disappears when she sees how serious my face is. I try to comfort myself with memories from just a few minutes before, I try to make myself happier with the joy and the fun we just shared…but my heart is torn. I can’t make myself smile, not even to make Elle feel just a little bit better. I feel like a smile is a lie. Elle’s heart is about to be ripped to shreds from what I’m about to tell her…I can’t smile for something like that.
“What is it?” she whispers.
I shake my head. “You go first.”
“No, really – ”
“I’ve always liked hearing good news before bad news.”
“Liam.” Uh oh. It’s her serious voice. “Liam, you better tell me what’s going on.”
“Elle, it’s just… Can you just go first?” I know that once I tell her she’ll be speechless. Her good news will blow away like an insignificant dandelion puff caught in the wind of a tornado. Whatever she wants to say will instantly lost its importance – which is why I want her to go first. I want her to enjoy herself for just a few minutes more and brag about her recent grant.
“Are you mad at me or something?” she asks with a pout while batting her eyelashes. It’s the puppy face. Oh, I can’t handle the puppy face.
“No, I am not mad. I promise. Please stop looking at me like that.”
“Did I do something, then?”
“It’s nothing that you did.”
“What can be so bad, then? Oh, you lost your job, didn’t you? Liam, I’m so sorry – ”
“Elle.” My voice is clipped and sharp. “No. No. It’s none of those things. Just tell me your good news and then I’ll…I’ll tell you what I have to say.”
“Or – or – I have an idea!” she chirrups, brightening up. “We’ll say it at the same time. Okay?”
I let out a sigh through my nose. I know this compromise is the closest I’ll ever get to winning. Resentfully, I nod once.
“Okay, then! On the count of three…One, two, three!” And she takes in a deep breath, ready to spill her news, just as I am exhaling my own secret.
And as I blurt out, “I’m dying,” Elle declares, “I’m pregnant!”
11.15.2004
It is an unusually cold day for November, even for Massachusetts, where the winters are as big of a bitch as Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl. Not that I've read Gossip Girl. It’s Elle’s fault. Don’t judge me.
The thermometer reads 15 degrees and just looking at that number makes me shiver. Elle and I have both decided to take the day off; she likes the idea of staying in and starting a fire to rebel against the oncoming winter. The holiday season is rolling around already and everyone’s beginning to catch the Christmas fever, including Elle. I can’t say I mind, even though I don’t like Christmas too much. The excitement of Christmas always puts Elle in a good mood, and so I’m in a good mood too. Well…good enough, considering my…state.
But the main reason why I agreed to stay in today was because I’ve finally decided it’s time to tell Elle about…you know. I fidget with the napkin in my pocket, wondering how I’m going to break the news.
“Hey.” Her soft voice sounds like dripping honey. She walks up behind the chair I’m sitting in and folds her arms around my shoulders. The blanket she has wrapped around her encases me as well, and I’m trapped in a safe cocoon of warmth and her sweet scent.
“Mm,” I reply, inhaling her essence. I had wanted to live as long as I could without telling her; I wanted to cling on to normalcy for as long as I could. But I have to tell her now. It’s not fair to her if I keep the secret to myself – that would just be selfish and cruel. But then I begin to think, well, an extra hour of normalcy couldn’t hurt. “The bedroom,” I suddenly demand, and in a flash I’ve picked Elle up bridal style and am marching over to our room.
“Liam!” she shrieks and her voice subsides to a wave of giggles. I shut the door behind us. One last time, I think in my head. Just one last time for Elle to think everything is okay. Just one last time for her to make love to me without her knowing that she is fucking a dead man. One last time.
An hour or so later, we’re sprawled out on the bed, both gasping for air. Elle’s head is on my chest, rising and falling with each breath I take, and her hair is damp from sweat. I’m not quite sure where the sheets ran off to; I think we kicked them off the mattress somehow. We’ve cracked the window open a little bit to let a trickle of air in, and even though it’s bitter cold outside, it feels nice against our burning hot skin.
“I have to tell you something,” Elle whispers, breaking the serene silence.
My heart freezes. “I, uh…” I begin but I have to clear my throat. “I have to tell you something too, actually.”
I feel Elle smile against my skin. She turns her head to kiss my chest before looking up at me with those big blue eyes that have seemed to capture the sky. “Don’t worry, mine’s not bad news or anything,” she reassures me.
Oh. So I guess she finally got that grant for her café, then. She’s wanted to make an addition to it so she could have more space and therefore more customers, but first she needed to get a loan or two. She’s been working on getting it for months now and I can see why she’s so happy.
What I have to say, however, is going to ruin her. “Mine is bad news,” I say.
Her smile disappears when she sees how serious my face is. I try to comfort myself with memories from just a few minutes before, I try to make myself happier with the joy and the fun we just shared…but my heart is torn. I can’t make myself smile, not even to make Elle feel just a little bit better. I feel like a smile is a lie. Elle’s heart is about to be ripped to shreds from what I’m about to tell her…I can’t smile for something like that.
“What is it?” she whispers.
I shake my head. “You go first.”
“No, really – ”
“I’ve always liked hearing good news before bad news.”
“Liam.” Uh oh. It’s her serious voice. “Liam, you better tell me what’s going on.”
“Elle, it’s just… Can you just go first?” I know that once I tell her she’ll be speechless. Her good news will blow away like an insignificant dandelion puff caught in the wind of a tornado. Whatever she wants to say will instantly lost its importance – which is why I want her to go first. I want her to enjoy herself for just a few minutes more and brag about her recent grant.
“Are you mad at me or something?” she asks with a pout while batting her eyelashes. It’s the puppy face. Oh, I can’t handle the puppy face.
“No, I am not mad. I promise. Please stop looking at me like that.”
“Did I do something, then?”
“It’s nothing that you did.”
“What can be so bad, then? Oh, you lost your job, didn’t you? Liam, I’m so sorry – ”
“Elle.” My voice is clipped and sharp. “No. No. It’s none of those things. Just tell me your good news and then I’ll…I’ll tell you what I have to say.”
“Or – or – I have an idea!” she chirrups, brightening up. “We’ll say it at the same time. Okay?”
I let out a sigh through my nose. I know this compromise is the closest I’ll ever get to winning. Resentfully, I nod once.
“Okay, then! On the count of three…One, two, three!” And she takes in a deep breath, ready to spill her news, just as I am exhaling my own secret.
And as I blurt out, “I’m dying,” Elle declares, “I’m pregnant!”
♠ ♠ ♠
I’m sorry this is so short!This is the part that I said you guys would hate me for.
I’m not trying to be mean, I promise.
I’m just a really horrible person.