Bulletproof

“Yo Wyn,” Bam’s voice shouted from my phone as I put it on speakerphone and hopped up on the countertop to sit.

“What happened to you this morning?” I asked playfully, crossing my legs on the smooth counter surface as Ville handed me a glass plate. I met his eyes and gave him a small smile which he returned. I began to help myself to the pizza that sat on the stove beside me. Ville stood across from me nursing his own plate of food, leaning back against the opposite counter, his forest eyes never leaving mine, watching my every move like he was afraid I might shatter into a thousand pieces.

“Same thing that happened to you, asshole but I didn’t have Willa to carry me home,” he remarked snidely. I rolled my eyes at his comment.

“Bam he’s my boyfriend now, you’re just going to have to find another big strong man to carry you around,” I laughed, taking a bite and nearly aspirating, not expecting it to feel like liquid magma on my tongue.
Choking on the savory dry taste of mozzarella, I sat in a Jack Skellington pullover I’d stolen from Ville’s closet and black leggings, my favorite comfort outfit. The hoodie nearly came down to my knees and smelled like his sandalwood cologne and I was constantly resisting the urge to snuggle down into the article of clothing. I was already feeling a million times better. I glanced up from my food to see Ville stifle a laugh, trying to avoid asphyxiating himself.

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he replied, brushing me off before continuing, “So the next flight isn’t until tomorrow, you lovebirds think you can meet us at the hotel at eight am?”

“Sure thing,” my heart throbbed painfully. It was so easy to get caught up the fantasy of never going back, it was hard to imagine I would be leaving my little paradise. The idea of him asking me to stay again flashed in my mind momentarily. There wasn’t a chance in Hell, and I knew it but that didn’t stop me from wishing.

“Alright see ya tomorrow, tell Willa I love him,” he added. I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah okay Bam I’ll remind him of your weird bromance,” I giggled as he hung up, looking at Ville who was giving me a toothy grin, making my heart skip a beat. There was that gorgeous genuine smile I missed. I was hoping he was finally letting last’s night situation go and coming around.

He hadn’t said much since the bathroom conversation. Neither of us were willing to give in and he had said he didn’t want to fight about it, but I had asked him his feelings and he was honest. He felt like he had committed some atrocious crime by sleeping with me, regardless of the fact I had technically asked for it. I couldn’t be angry at him for that though nor did I want to be. I did want it.

Even now, watching him pick the cheese off his pizza and delicately place the molten mass into his waiting mouth, I wanted him. Should I? I mean, I lost my virginity. Wasn’t this supposed to be a bigger deal? Was there something wrong with me then that all I was concerned with was trying it again? I just wish he would understand that I wasn’t some little breakable thing, constantly needing to be walked on eggshells around. Did I only feel this way because I was trying to prove myself?

Either way, we had an uneasy truce going about the subject… for now.

“Was there anything in particular you wanted to do for your last night in Helsinki?” He asked suddenly, breaking my train of thought and bringing me back to the real world. It was already almost two p.m. I noticed on the microwave beside him.

“Um, honestly I’m still feeling pretty groggy. I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth though if you have any ideas,” I replied with a flirtatious grin, finishing my food and hopping down to clean up.

“I’m right there with you. I haven’t gotten that drunk in a very long time. Last night gave my early twenties a run for their money,” he laughed bashfully, running a hand through his hair as I began running water over my now empty dish.

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” I suggested helpfully. I was feeling ten times better than I was when I first awoke but to say I was grateful we wouldn’t be galivanting all over Helsinki was an understatement.

“That sounds perfect,” he smiled, joining me at the sink, pressing against my back and letting his head rest on my shoulder as his hands made their way down my arms before forcing his fingers to interlace with mine, causing me to drop the plate with a dull clatter.

“Ville what-“ I began to complain.

“Leave it. Let’s just enjoy our last night,” he commanded in a steady tone. I tried to turn to face him to no avail as he nuzzled against my skin.

“Alright,” I answered unsteadily with a nervous laugh. I’d heard what he said but for some reason it felt like there was more to the statement than he was saying.

We made our way into the den, Ville flipping on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas while giving me a smirk as I pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and snuggled into it, eagerly awaiting his presence.

“I’m gonna hit the lights and I’ll be right there darling,” he mused as I gave him puppy-dog eyes as he passed me when I held my arms out.

“Yeah you better,” I growled mock-angrily before giving him a smirk.

“Demanding little thing,” he accused, joining me on the couch and wrapping his arms around me to pull me close.

“Ya damn right!” I replied. I wanted to spend every second of the last few hours we had together touching this man.
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“You’re sure about this?” Ville’s words were soothing as he nibbled my ear, one hand resting on my hip, the other keeping his body only slightly elevated above my own. The only thing separating us were a few articles of clothing and Ville’s ever-present morality.

“Yes,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear, my eyes staring straight above us at the ceiling. I needed this for myself. Some lustful unknown force was taking control now. All I knew was that I needed this beautiful man in the most primal animalistic way possible and I wouldn’t be content until so.

“Tell me to stop if it’s too much, okay?” he insisted, taking a moment to look into my eyes. His own were clouded with worry and an emotion I couldn’t place my finger one. I instantly reached up, smoothing the lines on his forehead before resting my hand on the side of his face, thumbing his sharp cheek bone reassuringly and giving him a small smile.

“I got this,” I replied with as much confidence as I could muster. I might’ve wanted this but that didn’t stop the nervousness that had made its home in my stomach. His hand that was drawing circles on my hip bone began smoothing up my shirt, exposing the white skin there. His eyes didn’t leave mine, concern and concentration evident in those pools of forest green.

I reached up and pulled him into me, needing to feel his lips on mine but unlike all the passionate moments’ we’d shared, this was gentle and reserved on his end. I let out a small growl and grabbed his bottom lip between my teeth, issuing an unsaid warning. I could feel him holding back and I didn’t like it. Where was the strong fervent man who just a few days ago, had me pinned on the couch with his hand in my hair, telling me to behave? This felt wrong compared to that, almost like it was staged.

“Darling-“ he managed against my mouth with some difficulty.

“Kiss me like you fucking mean it,” I rumbled, lacing my fingers into his dark brunet curls. I received a throaty growl in return, but I got the opposite reaction I wanted as he detangled himself from me slowly.

“Ville,” I complained, propping myself up on an elbow while he sat up completely and lit a cigarette.

“Wynter I don’t think I can do this,” he said quickly, bringing his free hand up to his face to rub his temple, the other hand perched on his knee with the cancer stick burning away, quickly filling the air with the scent of fresh tobacco. I noticed he was shaking slightly.

“Why the fuck not? You did last night,” I answered in a tone that came out sharper than I had intended. I was letting my temper get the best of me.

“That’s exactly why I can’t Wynter. Do you not understand I basically raped you?” he snapped, turning away and taking another shaky draw from his cigarette. “You shouldn’t want this; you shouldn’t want me!”

“Ville is that why you’re acting like this? You think you raped me?” my rage instantly subsiding, replaced with confusion and apprehension. I sat up completely and scooted closer to him, lightly placing my hand on his back.

“My sweet you know how I feel about these things. Do you not remember when we first met, and you told me about Novak stealing your first kiss? I have always prided myself on being better than that as a man and yet just last night, I managed to sink not only to his level, but I’d say even further at this point. The only thing I want is to protect you Wynter and I failed. I failed you, and myself,” he explained, leaning forward and covering both eyes with his hands.

“Ville Valo fucking look at me,” I grabbed the hand closest to me and yanked it, forcing him in my direction. He obeyed, somewhat shocked at my sudden actions. “You need to get over what happened. I’m not some delicate little doll you’re going to break. I have needs just like every other woman and I fucking asked you for it- no I demanded it from you, and you complied. Stop acting like you must walk around on eggshells because of me and give me what the fuck I want!” I snarled rancorously with a hint of desperation. I wasn’t even sure what had come over me, but I was letting my temper take the lead, I no longer cared.

“Minun kulta…” he started, looking at me with those deep sorrowful eyes again.

“No I’m not falling for that pet name bullshit. You know how I feel about being treated like a child and I deserve more respect than that. I fucked up, not you. Please can we move past this?” I begged, taking both of his hands in mine.

“You’re right Wynter, I’m sorry,” he submitted, pulling his hands from mine and turning to face me completely.

“Ville-“ his lips were suddenly on mine.

He began to kiss me feverishly, all reserve from before forgotten. This felt passionate and excited. Exactly what I’d been pleading with him for. I groaned into the kiss and relaxed, his mouth already influencing the rest of me.

In the back of my mind that wasn’t occupied by his advances, I prayed that he was finally giving in and we would be moving past this hardship. I hadn't meant to be so harsh with him, and made a mental note to apologize later.

I ignored the sudden pang in my heart in favor of the pleasure radiating from where his hands had suddenly gone to working me over, lost in the moment and unable to think further.