Into My Arms

Taylor, Demi and I were out to lunch. So far, I’ve been okay. They demanded that I were to go out with them since I’ve been about nothing but work. I couldn’t help it though, I needed to keep busy…to keep from thinking about him. I loved him…that’s all that it was to it…everyone knew it…I knew it. So I guess being busy was my excuse to not see him…to not confront him…to not give him the chance to confront me.

We were at a In-And-Out while Taylor was keeping me occupied with so much to talk about and keep my mind on her, Demi and talking…she was doing a pretty good job at it…but I’m just a better multi-tasker. I saw a magazine stand in the corner and one magazine was an old issue with a photo with a bunch of celebrities on the cover from the Hope for Haiti event back in January.

Flashback

I was sitting right beside Nick, with Joe on his other side and Kevin on the other side of him. Calls were coming in like crazy as we were being filmed and performances and speeches continued. I hung up the phone and then sighed as I listened and watched one of the speakers speaking about his family in Haiti. I almost had tears in my eyes. Then I looked at my hand, seeing Nick had taken it into his own and gave it a supportive squeeze.

“Are you alright?” he asked me.

'“Yea…it’s just such a sad and terrible thing that happened…”

“I know it is”

I looked up at his eyes.

“I just wish I could do more,” I murmured.

“I know you do…and it’s one of the many things I love about you…you’re determined and you care and I know you would do everything you can to help those people…” he told me and grinned as I just smirked.

“You’re such a dork,” I shook my head at him.

“But I’m your dork,” he cheesed.

“Loser,” I laughed quietly.

“And you love me,” he told me as he kissed my cheek.

Our phones began to ring again as he continued to hold my hand. “Hello, you’re talking with Rachael Lewis,” I said politely and starred down at the steps of what I had to tell the callers. “I know. We’re all doing what we can and your donation is really important and it means a lot…” As I spoke I felt his eyes on me…but I kept my focus on the caller.

End Flashback

Taylor’s phone interrupted my thoughts. She looked at it and made a face as she cursed under her breath. “I’m so sorry guys, I have to run,” she gave Demi a hug. Then she came over to me. “I’m calling you later,” she told me as she hugged me tight and skipped out.

“Okay Rea, now spill. Tell me what you’re really thinking,” Demi demanded as she leaned forward as if she was telling me a really big secret.

I opened my mouth to speak. “Yea, you said you were just thinking about Nick and work and stress and I know Taylor will take those answers and just try to cure the problem, but not me. So tell me,” she demanded. It’s not fair how well she knew me.

I sighed and laughed a little at her attitude. “I’ve been thinking about Nick…now more than ever…ever since the break up, yea he’s always on my mind…but then when we went to New Jersey…it just doesn’t stop. He’s always in my head. I feel like Bella from New Moon” I exaggerated.

“And I know everyone knows I still love him and everything…well maybe except Nick…but I cant find the courage…or the nerve…to actually face him and tell him…I don’t want to hurt him again…and I don’t want to get hurt…”

“Why do you think you’ll hurt him…and why do you think you’ll get hurt?”

“I don’t want this to happen again…I wont be able to handle it…another break up like this one? It cant happen…I wouldn’t be able to take it…and…Nick doesn’t deserve it either…he deserves…”

“Don’t say he deserves better because he deserves you Rea…he wants you,” she said gently. I was silent. “And Rach…you have the more nerve than anyone I know…and you know how to use it” she joked lightly, causing me to smile.

“You cant just…give up on what you and Nick have…everything you’ve been through…the past that you have together…the yearsof making him wait…you really want to torture the boy anymore?” I was silent again.

A few girls came over to us, asking for pictures and autographs that we happily gave out to them.

Then one little girl took a picture with Demi while I was still in La La Land(no pun intended) and she came over to me. I think looking at this little girls shy smile was the first thing that brought me out of my thoughts. I smiled down at her.

“Hi sweetie,” I smiled down at her.

“We hope we’re not bothering you…” one girl started to say.

“No, no it’s fine,” Demi assured her.

The little girl started to clench to an older girl. “She’s shy…she really wanted a picture and an autograph though” “Of course,” I said and held my hand out to her. She took it, I pulled me closer and lifted her up onto my lap.

“Here Dem, take a picture,” I told her, handing her my phone.

The older girl and Demi both took pictures of us. The little girl looked up and then went to my ear. “I know you might not be talking to him…but if you see Nick, can you tell him I said hi?” she asked and I was kind of taking longer than usual to process the sentence.

“What’s your name sweetie?” I asked her.

“Lucy”

“That’s a pretty name…and I promise to tell him that my new friend, Lucy, said hi…does that sound good?” I asked her and she nodded vigorously.

Demi and gave the girls hugs and then left, avoiding other people as best as we could. We got to her car and she began to drive as her words flushed my brain. The past that you have together.

Flashback

We were laying on the grass, side by side, just staring up at the stars. “Nick. Remind me again why we’re out here” I told him as I shivered slightly in my penny coat and gloves.

Did I mention it was two weeks into December, mere days away from my birthday? “Not that I mind, but you’re usually the one yelling at me for being outside in the cold, just laying on the ground”

“Yes, but I was watching the news today…”

“What does that have anything to do…”

My words were cut off when I saw a white flake fall on his face and he smiled at me. I looked up and saw the cold, white flakes falling.

“Awe, you got me outside to stare at the stars just to wait for the first snow fall?” I cooed.

“…maybe…”

“You’re the sweetest thing ever,” I whispered.

Then I cupped his cheek and kissed him.

End of Flashback

He took advantage of two of my favorite things that day…the snow and the stars. He always knew how to make me feel special…and loved…and important.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ryan you really don’t like me!” I laughed while being on air with Ryan Seacrest.

Once Demi and I got back to my house, we ate ice cream and listened to some music before it was time for my interview. She was coming to my concert tonight and then sleeping over to watch some movies.

“Why would you say that? I do like you. We're BFF's, remember? If you were a few years older maybe we’d have a thing. Is that bad to say? Is your dad here?” he started looking around. I laughed some more.

“No he’s not, but you better watch what you say,” I sang.

“I take it back mister Lewis,” he said.

I laughed some more and so did he. “But really, why do you think I don’t like you?”

“Because of all the questions!” I laughed.

He asked me about Nick…a lot about Nick…and he asked about my friendship with Selena and Miley and about my kiss with Joe in Camp Rock 2.

“It’s just my job! You don’t have to answer them, you know how it is though, I’m just obligated to ask because everyone’s curious”

"I know,” I sighed.

“Okay okay, next question…you won one grammy last year and last January you won two more…how was it winning your third grammy and you‘re only seventeen?”

“It was amazing and the best past was having everyone there giving me hugs afterwards, my dad, the Jonas’, Taylor, Demi, Miley…then I also performed which was also really cool. Everyone was standing up, singing along and dancing. It was great…”

Flashback

“Hey Rachael!” a voice yelled.

I spun around and saw Ryan calling me over. I tried to get out of it and the point of coming late with Nick, Joe and Kevin was to avoid questions…but Ryan saw me in the last few minutes of the countdown to the Grammys. I tried to get the guys to come with me but they just continued to smirk and talk with other people, acting like I wasn’t trying to get their attention.

“Thanks a lot guys,” I said out loud and put on a smile as I walked toward Ryan.

He took my hand and helped me onto the small platform. “Hey,” I cooed as I gave him a hug. “Hey there. You look great! Who is it?” he complimented.

“Thank you, it’s Dolce & Cabana,” I told him and did a small turn.

“Well you look amazing…did you come with anybody?”

“Just a few friends”

“Do we know them”

“Yes…you look pretty hot tonight Ryan,” I smiled.

“Thank you. I do don’t I…I’ll let you off the hook this time but because it’s supposed to be a fun night…are you excited? Who did you see and who do you want to see?”

“I’m completely excited! I kind of saw everyone for the most part. While I was posing for some pictures, Carrie saw me and came over to give me a hug and pose with me. She introduced me to Mike and he seemed a little…scared to be a hockey player,” He laughed.

“But yea, I also saw Mary J. Blidge, Jennifer Hudson, Justin…”

“Bieber”

“Yes…I saw Pink, Black Eyed Peas, George Lopez, Paramore, Kings of Leon, Green Day all came over to me to say hey…so many people”

“You just got here and you’ve already covered so much ground,” I laughed. “You see Miley and Taylor?”

“Of course! They were like the first ones that came running up to me when I got out of the limo”

“Is it as over whelming this year as it was your first year? Because the years have gone by so fast!”

“I know! It really does go by fast but yea it’s still a little over whelming, you never get used to something like this”

“Well you look great, I’ll let you go now, have fun, we’ll talk later”

“Alright hon,” I said and he gave me another hug, kissing my cheek.

I walked away and went back to the guys. “Wow way to help me out there you guys," I told them as I put on a smile and posed with all of them.

“You know it was for the best,” Nick told me as I was in the middle of Joe and Nick.

That’s always how we posed if we went to an award show or something else together, I would be in the middle of Joe and Nick for a few pictures before moving on for some solo pictures.

“Yea yea,” I muttered.



“…wow. This is just amazing…this is my fourth Grammy…I want to thank my dad for being there for me, my friends, Demi, Taylor, Miley, the Jonas’ for always pushing me when I needed it and Anna Stylist for being my manager, my publicist and my best friend. I couldn’t have gotten here without her, especially my fans. Thank you all, and you’re the best fans ever! But above all I have to thank God for putting the faith inside me and getting me here! Thank you all, Love you!” I spoke quick so I wouldn’t take up too much time.

Everyone was cheering, screaming and clapping…especially the people in my section…I think you can guess who I’m talking about. But my eyes met Nick’s…and I had to remind myself how to breathe. I was escorted off the stage to Anna and hugged her tight. Then she took my award as I was lead to a room to change into my performing outfit. I was being rushed out but I ran into a bunch of people and saw Nick a few feet away from me. He ran to me and hugged me tight, ignoring that I just had bumped into those people.

“I’m so proud of you,” he murmured and I just hugged him tight.

End Flashback

“What did you think about Taylor winning album of the year?” he asked me.

“I was ecstatic! I jumped right up and started cheering for her. She completely deserved it”

“People keep wondering why you weren’t nominated because your albums have always been off the chart”

“Well I don’t know, but there’s always next year and I’m happy it was those nominees because they’re all amazing artists”

The interview went on. We talked about me having cancer and about my relations to the other Jonas’. I always loved being on Ryan’s show. He made it fun and I just let loose.

Once it was over, he gave me a hug and Anna and I walked out and paparazzi was swarming around me, asking questions like crazy. I just put on a small smile, showed the peace signs in a few pictures and gave some a thumbs up and then they started getting a little too close for comfort. Luckily I had my sunglasses on so the flashes weren’t too blinding.

“Hey, guys, give the ladies some room,” an all too familiar deep voice boomed.

I looked up and saw Big Rob had made his way through, with Nick. I felt my heart skip a couple beats as I was in shock…by the fact he was in front of me…by the way he looked…the way he was looking at me.

“Come on,” he smiled at me as he held his hand out to me…I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with paparazzi at the moment…when am I ever?

I looked at Anna and she gave me an encouraging look through her own sunglasses. So I sighed and took his hand. He was smiling like crazy! Why? I have no clue. I haven’t had any contact with him for a few weeks…it was his birthday in a few days.

We started to run together as Big Rob held a few paparazzi back and got Anna out of the craziness. We got outside and into his car. He sped off. I couldn’t stop starring at him though. What was he doing?

“Where were you heading to next?” he asked me.

“No where”

“Good…what are your plans for tonight?”

“Miley and I are hanging at the venue where I’m having a concert,” I mumbled.

“Also good…she says she really misses you”

“And I really miss her,” I mumbled again. We were silent.

“Nick…what are you doing?”

“Driving” he said like it was obvious.

I had to laugh…I thought his tone was cute…so sue me.