Can You Believe In Me?

I stretched and yawned. I slapped the bed next to me and found it empty. The bed side table didn’t have his thing for his ear on it. “Mace.” I called out for him. I waited a while and when I didn’t get an answer I got out of the bed. I checked the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, and the basement. That’s when I got scared. I ran up the stairs and checked every room left screaming Mason’s name.
I ran back down stairs to the first floor. I stumbled down the last steps and slammed into the wall on the opposite side of the landing. I crumpled to the floor and just stayed there. I didn’t feel physically hurt but my heart was pounding in my ears and all I could think about was Mason. I slowly picked myself up off the floor several minutes later and walked out the door to the driveway just to make sure he was really gone and wasn’t killing myself inside for no reason. He was gone. He didn’t even say goodbye. His chivalry finally got in the way of his brain. He couldn’t wake me probably for some reason like she’s too beautiful and innocent when she’s asleep.
His heart and mind were probably screaming at him to do the right thing but his chivalry gland thought leaving me to sleep was the right thing. Chivalry always wins with Mason. Mason.
Mason is gone. Tears started rolling down my face and I dropped to my knees. I pounded on the concrete with my fists until I saw red staining my skin. I didn’t care. Mason would. He would pick me up and tell me I was being silly. He’d tell me not to beat myself up and not to worry and that he loved me. He’d kiss me like the first time, the electric current sweeping me away like usual. And he’d hug me until our bones ached. He would do anything for me. But he was gone. The tears rolled down my face more and more until they couldn’t anymore. I wanted to cry more but I couldn’t. I wanted to pick myself up but I couldn’t.
And then it was one of those moments where I thought I was dead. I could see myself from 15 feet in the air, like I was floating. Could emotional pain like that kill me? No. I wasn’t dead. I could see myself breaking down on the sidewalk, trying to cry and taking heaving sob breaths. Leftover makeup was smeared all over my face. I wished someone would find me but I didn’t. I hoped no one saw me like this. Only one person could make it any better, and seeing them would be embarrassing. I don’t know how Mason would react seeing me like this. Would he try to comfort me or stand by me not knowing what to make of me?
Then I was back in my body as another round of tears shook my body into hysterics. I was failing at everything I could think of. Life, acting normal, acting my age, not crying, crying. Take your pick.
“Come on honey, let’s go inside,” I heard faintly between my sobs. I wanted to refuse, I wanted to stay here, where he was last. But whoever was trying to take care of me picked me up off the ground and carried me to my house. They set me on my couch and I laid there for several minutes before I opened my eyes to see Trace still waiting for me on the other sofa.
“Hi Trace,” I whispered with a hiccup.
“Hey Jessica. You okay?” he whispered.
“Um…. I-“ I burst into tears again. He came and sat on the couch next to me. He put his arm around me and I tried to push it off of me. “Don’t think you can take over since Mace is gone…”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I was just trying to make you feel better. It wasn’t like that,” Trace explained hurriedly. I felt even worse now.
“Oh- oh my gosh… I’m so sorry Trace. I’m just upset and needed to get rid of some of my emotion. Anger just worked out this time. I’m so sorry…”
“We both feel bad, so it’s mutual and equal. We’re even so we can forget.”
“Mhm,” I muttered. I felt a little tiny bit better but still miserable so I leaned on Trace and just sat there. We were probably there for five minutes before I burst into tears yet again and turned to cry on his shoulder. The saying finally came true. Trace was my shoulder to cry on.