Breathe

"Well, look who it is."

I hadn't expected a warm welcome from the other tribe members, so when I stepped through the front door of Emily and Sam's, it didn't phase me at all when Embry glared at me. "It's nice to see you, too, Embry," I said, smiling with sarcasm.

"Yeah, well, when you abandon one, you abandon all."

I clenched my jaw, and looked at Jacob, who was standing over by the island. He was occupied in his food, so I sighed in defeat, and broke myself off from all of the noise. The boys didn't want me here, that much was obvious. And I understood. It hurt my feelings, but I wasn't going to hold it against them.

I brushed my fingers across Jacob's shoulder, and pressed my cheek against it. "I don't want to be here if they don't want me here, Jake," I whispered.

He looked at me, a piece of homemade bread raised to his mouth. "It's not that they don't want you here, they're just mad. Don't be so paranoid."

I sighed, and stepped onto the front porch. The Elders had planned a big bonfire to be held here, which surprised everyone. They always held them at the beach, but because it had flooded with the considerable amount of rain they've had (in the three months I was gone), they had no choice but to move it somewhere else.

I heard the door close with a soft clunk, and turned to see who I had to deal with. Emily smiled softly, and came over next to me, where I was leaning on the railing. "I understand why they're mad, Emily. I really do. I hurt Jake."

"It's not only that," Emily responded, "but they had no idea how to deal with it. Jacob was very seclusive, you know. He wouldn't come to any of the bonfires, or go on patrols. We didn't think that he would ever come around." Her voice was soft, and even though I knew she was scolding me (in her own way), it was making me feel a shade better.

"Do they realize that I'm not perfect?" I picked at my fingernails.

"Of course they do. But you have to remember, that first of all, that you are the only person that Jake will ever imprint on. At least, as far as we know. This has never happened before." Emily lifted her hand to my shoulder.

I shook my head, and sighed. "I want to feel like family again."

"You will. Just give them time."

Chewing the inside of my lips, I nodded, and glanced up at the sky. It was clear, which was rare for the area. The sun hadn't set yet, and the rays of light tried as hard as it could to break through the trees that surrounded the property. I loved being out here. It was peaceful, and there weren't any traffic noises. You'd really have to know where you were going to find this place.

"Leave it alone. God, why are you guys such jackasses?"

Jacob stormed out of the house, and it was almost like I could see the steam blowing out through his ears. Emily and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised. I knew it was probably a good idea to see if he was ok before he did anything stupid, but I was hesitant - Jacob was terrifying when he was angry.

*

"You know," Jacob said as he drove me home, "they don't hate you."

I sighed. This conversation had almost become like a broken record. I had spoken to Emily, Jacob, and Jared (who actually seemed to be happy I was there), and each time had the same conversation. "I know," I said.

"Ok." He looked at me for a second, a small smile on his face. "They just -"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," I interrupted, keeping my eyes on the dark road. My cell phone vibrated. It was late, and Dad was probably worried. Either that, or Liz wanted to bug me.

"If you say so," Jacob said, taking my hand with his free one. My fingers tingled from his body temperature, and a short shiver came over me.

It was quiet for most of the way home, and that hadn't become unusual of us. If we talked, we had conversations. Jacob hated small talk, and as did I, so we did it as little as possible. I opened my cell phone, and read the text message from Dad.

get your ass home right now!

Sighing, I responded with a, Yes, Dad. I'm on my way. He had grown very agitative and angry. I mean, after all, I ran away with his car and didn't have the nerve to call him when I got to Portland. I had had Mom do it.

"Your birthday is tomorrow, isn't it?" Jacob asked as we pulled into the Port Angeles city limits.

"Yep." I had almost forgotten. Dad hadn't registered me for school this year, so I haven't been keeping track of the days as I normally would've. Dad said that he didn't see a point, as I would've graduated in May anyway, and that he was positive I wasn't going to go to college. He was right.

"Did you want to do anything?"

I looked at him, confused. "Y-you.. what?"

Jacob chuckled. "Did you want to do anything for your birthday? Do you want me to take you out or something?" We pulled onto my street, and I sat quietly, slightly dumbfounded. After I had come home, Jacob and I distanced ourselves. He was still hurting, and so was I, but not nearly as much.

"Of course I do," I said as he parked in my driveway. "I always want to do something with you."

"Ok, then."

"I'm surprised you had to ask," I whispered. Our fingers were still tangled together, and I was hesitant to break them apart. There was hardly any physical contact between us now. It had been a a mutual agreement - there would be no kissing or major forms of affection until we were both comfortable with it.

Jacob walked me up to the door. "Call me tomorrow morning, ok?" He asked, smiling a little. I sighed, tired from the day.

"Ok." I looked at him, biting down on my lip.

He kissed my forehead, and walked back to his car. I suddenly felt very rejected, but ignored it as best as I could. Opening the front door, I noticed how quiet the living room was. It was almost too quiet. The table lamp was on, but other than that, it was pretty desolate in here. I stepped inside, kicking off my shoes and throwing my jacket into the closet beside me.

"Sarah?"

I darted my eyes to the stairwell, where I could clearly see Dad sitting against the wall, which I hadn't before. "Dad, it's late."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed, and stood up, only after stumbling a bit. He moved over near me, stopping when there was only about five or six feet in between us. "Do you love Jacob?"

I stared at him, confused, but answered, "yes."

"Why?"

"Dad, I don't-"

"Just answer me." He crossed his arms across his chest, pulling his bedrobe tighter around his body.

I took a deep breath, and thought over my answer carefully. "He appreciates me for what I am. We never argue, and he never raises his voice. He's smart, and comforting, and.. why? Did something happen?"

Dad shook his head, "no. I just, I'm trying to understand him."

"You don't have to." I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"I want to."

"You never will."

Dad stared at me, and I stared back. Our relationship had gone to absolute shit since I had come home, and to have a conversation like this was almost as often as someone you know winning the lottery. It never happens. I chewed on my lip as I started to win the staredown. "Does he love you?"

"Of course he does." I was starting to get sick of his stupid questions. "No, Dad, he hasn't hurt me. We haven't had sex, either. We're hardly even kissing anymore. Is there anything else you want to know?"

"I just need to know you're ok. You are, aren't you?"

"If I say I am, are you still going to make me go to therapy?"

"Never mind. I'm going to bed."

"Fine." I watched him climb the stairs, and as soon as he turned the corner, I collapsed onto the couch, and turned the television on. There was nothing on except for reruns of old sitcoms, so I settled on Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I had always loved this show, and it always seemed to relax me.

Relaxation. Heaven knows I needed it.