Once a Fragile Design

I was so happy to have Acey back, even though she didn’t really leave. I have no idea what I would have done, alone, on the bus while I’m not talking to Kennedy. A familiar twist in my stomach happened when I thought about Kennedy. I’m still pissed from when he finally realized Acey used to like him. This whole thing is just stupid. I’m jealous of Acey, pissed at Kennedy for being stupid and definitely pissed at John for blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

One thing that made me happy was the boys of All Time Low. Jack really helped me calm down when Acey wasn’t answering her phone. Zack, Alex and Rian were just as worried and just as pissed as I was. They’re truly some of the best guys. I smiled to myself as Jack and Acey began to skip but my smile faded when Jack held his arm out for me to skip too.

“No, no, I’ve done way too much exercising for a smoker,” I flashed him a big smile but Jack shook his head. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed before he looped his thin arm around mine and began skipping. Due to his height I had to skip just to walk normally.

“Jack, can I just stay with you guys?” Acey asked as we boarded All Time Low’s bus. I looked at Acey with a sad face but she returned the same. “I’m just saying, I don’t think I could do the OP tour unless I stay on someone else’s bus or van.”

“Acey, you still have to shoot the tour. And what about me? I think we could just pretend that this whole us dating John and Kennedy never happened and just do the tour the way it was planned; from the beginning.” I sat down on the couch in the front lounge; Jack sat next to me as Acey just stood there as the bus began to drive.

“I guess you’re right. He’s everywhere though. I-I really liked him,” she sat down across from Jack and I with tears falling down her face. Jack moved so he was next to her, holding her tightly in her arms as she cried. She spoke in muffled sobs; Jack would shush her and rub her back. I watched with a pain in my chest. I don’t like seeing Acey like this. Normally she’s so strong and the complete opposite of what she is right now.

“I’ll fucking kill him,” I spoke through gritted teeth before standing up and pacing. The rest of the guys were back at the venue and we needed to get there before All Time Low’s time to play, its 9 now and they play at ten. Jack watched me as Acey cried into his chest. I cringed when a loud sob escaped from her lips and my eyes would lock with Jack. His eyes seemed to gloss over like he was going to cry too. “He will get a piece of my fucking mind when we get back.”

“Roxie, just calm down and think first. You have to make sure you’re not going to do this in front of fans. This doesn’t need to blow up in any way that screams bad news.” Jack tried to reason but I shook my head and I felt my arms shook with rage.

“Bad news? Jack! People need to know what a fucking asshole he is! He just fucking assumes shit and then ruins a perfectly good day. Today was supposed to be a great day. I was supposed to hang out with people I haven’t seen in a very long time. I was supposed to laugh and have fun. I wasn’t supposed to chase my best friend to the airport or hear her cry because of John’s fucking idiotic decision.” I was breathing heavily after speaking my piece and I felt desperate for a cigarette. I have to remember to buy a pack before we drive to the next town.

Jack watched me but didn’t say anything. Acey stopped crying and stared at me through her hair. I sat back down across from them and stayed silent. I felt bad for raging in front of them but I needed to get this out.

“Roxie, can we have our room back and just talk tonight?” Acey asked, her voice hoarse and more raspy than normal. I nodded smiling softly. I know she wants to talk about anything but John. Possibly I’ll watch Harry Potter with her.

“Maybe we can watch a bit of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban?” She smiled even though it didn’t reach her eyes. It was a start. Now all I have to do is figure out how to do the rest of the tour without her and John seeing each other.

We got back to the venue and we raced towards the All Time Low dressing room, the boys were dressed in their stage outfits and I smiled softly at them. They looked so silly dressed up as girls. Jack dressed quickly before we all stood there unsure of what to do next. “Who’s manning my station?” I asked looking to each boy who stayed behind as Acey picked up a Bud Light from their cooler.

“I think Matt is. And shit we better go. Acey do you want to watch side stage?” Alex spoke softly towards Acey and she looked up at him shrugging.

“Why not? Is Sierra singing with you?” Alex nodded and she smiled her soft smile that still didn’t reach her eyes. We all walked towards the stage, Acey and I before the camera men who filmed All Time Low walking down the hallway. “Are they filming a DVD?” Acey asked me and I shrugged.

“That’s what Matt said earlier.” Acey nodded finishing her beer and throwing the can away at the nearest trash can, I nodded to her as if to say goodbye and did the same to the band. When everyone gave me a confused look I pointed to where the merch tables were. “I must go back to my duty.” Everyone nodded and Acey hugged me, I hugged back and I sucked in a deep breath. I hope that watching their set would help her, a bit. I walked back to my table to see Matt handing a girl one of the Maine’s shirts.

“There you are. Is she okay? Did she leave? Is everyone alive?” Matt’s face blanched at the possibility we lost someone on the way to and from the airport. I shook my head laughing slightly at his worry.

“Matt everyone’s fine. Acey’s back and sitting side stage for All Time Low. Now go, do your back up vocals or whatever you do. I got this.” Matt smiled before hugging me tightly and I returned to behind the table. Vinny and Becca looked at me with looks that screamed “details.”

I shook my head and mouthed “I’ll tell you later” to Becca and the same to Vinny. They both pouted to me but when they had kids come up they didn’t voice their oppositions. I sat in the chair and tried to relax. Today was so busy and so tense that I think I’d need a deep tissue massage for a year.

--

The concert was over and each band’s merch table just became bombarded by people as young as their preteen years to people that are probably just parents being dragged to shows. I handed out tee shirts, hoodies, stickers, posters and bracelets at such a pace that I could have shorted so many people. I felt overwhelmed but when the boys of the Maine came to help out I could finally breathe. John wasn’t behind the table and a lot of girls seemed pissed by that.

“Where’s John?” Heard a lot of voices ask at once, I shrugged looking to Garrett who stood between Kennedy and me. I rolled my eyes noticing Kennedy and Garrett sighed loudly.

“He’s a little sick, he went to the bus,” I know he was lying but the fans bought it. Each giving their own forms of sympathy and I rolled my eyes again. I smiled to a few fans and watched people get pictures. I looked over to Vinny who seemed to get bombarded even worse. I looked to the boys who seemed to have everything under control so I smiled and went to Vinny’s table. I took orders and made change and Vinny hugged me tightly for helping.

“Thank you so much Roxie!” I laughed waving him off and helping another All Time Low fan out. I kept a wary eye out for John and Acey and I could sense everyone else was on edge. The bands either were inside or outside talking with fans, most asked about John and each story was the same: “he’s sick, sorry; he’ll make it up someday!”

Even though we all knew he was just being a bitch and I couldn’t wait to tell him how I feel.

“So what happened?” Becca stood in front of me and all the fans had cleared out. Vinny and I had begun to clear up All Time Low’s table before moving to the Maine’s. I saw the Becca was finished and her table was gone. I took in a big breath as Vinny stopped to give me a ‘you-better-spill-girl’ look.

“Well, do you want after John freaked out or when Acey freaked out?” I asked they looked at me then looked at each other. I couldn’t tell what their eyes were signaling to each other. It was freaking me out. They both turned to me and said at the same time “from the very beginning.” I sighed before sitting down on the chair that was provided behind All Time Low’s table.

“Well John is a very jealous person and finding out that Acey loved someone before him I guess bothered him. So he blew up this whole idea that Zack was her everything. Her Noah as he put it, and it was just ridiculous. He called her a whore and really tore her down. We all watched. And then John said something about Acey liking Kennedy for so long.” I took a deep breath before barking out a bitter laugh. “Of course Kennedy had to act like it was good news and that pissed me off. Then Acey couldn’t handle it, she almost got on a plane back to Arizona. But Jack and I got her in time.”

Becca and Vinny stared at me for a while and I breathed deep breaths trying to calm down. “So John started this whole thing?” Becca asked slowly and I nodded. She glared at the ground before sighing.

“That’s pretty redonkulous. Damn, honestly, Acey’s better off not with someone that jealous.” Vinny gave me a half smile before hugging me. “Thanks for the help.” I nodded as he began taking boxes towards the exit. I got up from the chair and began putting away the Maine’s things. Becca moved to my side and helped me.

“So what are you going to do?” Her voice was soft but I knew exactly what she was talking about. It’s the same thought that makes my stomach turn. Kennedy is still my boyfriend but John is single. Would I really hurt Kennedy who’s been nothing but sweet to me since we started dating or break my best friend’s heart?

Each way I was hurting someone. I was hurting myself more. In the end, I’m better off just not choosing. “Nothing,” I answered shortly but I gave Becca a half smile. “It sickens me…this whole thing. I can’t hurt either one. I’m just gonna let things go their own course.” Becca nodded and we each took boxes towards the exit and towards the Maine’s trailer.

“That’s the best thing you can do, Roxie, in my opinion. Just be careful, okay?” I nodded giving her a hug before heading back inside for the rest of the boxes. I felt someone walk beside me but I didn’t look up to see who it was. I picked up a box as they picked up a box and I noticed the tattoo on his inner right wrist. Kennedy. I drew in a kick breath, tripped over the side of the table but I was caught before I fell to the ground.

“You should really watch where you step, baby,” I looked up to Kennedy and my stomach turned. I glared before releasing myself from his arms and picking up the box I dropped. I hurried out of the venue which I knew he was following right behind me. “Roxie, Roxie…Roxanne!” I stopped and pivoted to glare at him.

“What?”

“What did I do wrong?” I glared at him and he just gave me the same clueless face he always gives. He never realizes what he does wrong.

“Think Kennedy,” I spat before pivoting again and finishing my walk to the trailer. Kennedy put his box next to mine, grabbed my wrist before I could walk away. “Just explain why you’re mad.” He whispered.

“Fine, you want the truth? I’m in fucking love with your best friend. I tried to find something in you but you’re not John, Kennedy! And it’s making me sick to my stomach knowing that you like me so much, that Acey is my best friend yet I want John. I want him all to my fucking self!” I screamed throwing my hands in the air breathing heavily. I looked to Kennedy’s face. His face dropped and paled. I instantly regretted what I just said. I gasped putting my hand over my mouth. Tears collected at the sides of my eyes before spilling over my cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” I whispered before walking away.

What did I just do?