Once a Fragile Design

I only had to knock twice on Versa’s door before it was opened. Devin, who had previously been laughing, stopped when he noticed the tears running down my face.

“Ace, what happened?” he asked, his tone showing concern.

I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “A lot of shit. Can I sleep here tonight?”

He nodded his head. “Of course,” he said before stepping aside, allowing me to climb onto the bus.

Once I was in the front lounge, I dropped my bag near the table and took a seat next to Sierra, who closed her laptop as soon as she saw me.

“Acey, what’s wrong?” she questioned, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“Ev – everything is so fucked up, Sierra,” I cried.

I watched as she exchanged a look with Devin, who let out a fake yawn and stretched his arms above his head.

“Well, I’m pretty sleepy. I think I’m gonna head to bed. I’ll see you two in the morning,” he said before giving me a pat on the back and heading towards his bunk.

“Explain, please.”

I let out a long sigh and looked at the tabletop. “Well, after Roxie and Jack found me at the airport, we came back here and everything was fine. I mean, not fine, because obviously I was still pissed at John and shit, but things between us were good. Then … Then, I don’t know. I went to the bus to lay down and suddenly I heard Roxie yelling. When I went to see what was going on, I realized John was there, too, and we heard her telling Kennedy that she loved John and she wants him all to herself. Then she stormed off crying, and Kennedy was pissed and went back onto the bus. John went off to find her, and somehow Kenny and I found a bar to drink at. We got drunk. I mean, I’m still a little drunk, but obviously this situation has killed my buzz. Well, Tim called us saying it was bus call and when we got back to the venue, we kissed and everyone saw, basically. Next thing I know, Tim has mine and Roxie’s bags packed and told us tomorrow will be our last day on tour. He says we’re causing too much drama,” I explained before finally taking a breath to breathe.

“Wow,” Sierra breathed, shaking her head. “That – that’s just wow. Who’s going to be the photographer, then?”

“I don’t know. He said he would find somebody,” I shrugged.

She sighed and pulled me closer to her. “I’m sorry, Ace. That’s a lot shit for one person to take.”

I nodded my head. “It is. I’m just sick of everything and everyone right now. All I want to do is sleep and fucking forget everything that’s going on.”

She let out a small laugh. “Well you can take the spare bunk underneath mine if you’d like,” she offered.

“I appreciate it,” I stated before standing up. “Thanks for listening, Sierra.”

She waved me off. “You know that’s what friends are for.”

I gave her a tired smile before heading off to the unoccupied bunk. As soon as I was in a comfortable position underneath the thin blanket, I was out.

________________________________________________________

Today has been filled with nothing but awkwardness. I felt as if everyone was avoiding each other in one way or another. I hadn’t spoken one word to Roxie or John, or even Kennedy for that matter. I only answered to who I needed to, and remained silent to everyone else. When it was time for the show, I waited patiently outside, smoking a cigarette, as everyone scrambled at the last minute to get everything together.

“Acey?”

I turned around and saw Becca standing with a box in her hands, most likely filled with tee shirts. “What’s up?”

“I should be asking you that. I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.”

I shrugged subtly. “I’ve been here and there.”

She gave me a sad smile before walking towards me. “I heard what happened …”

I sighed. “Great.”

“I’m really sorry about everything. I don’t think it’s fair that Tim’s just kicking you and Roxie off tour, but maybe it’s for the best, you know? Maybe some time away from John and Kennedy and everybody will you give you guys some room to breathe and think things over … especially your friendship. No guy, or guys for that matter, is worth losing a friend over,” she told me.

“I guess. I don’t even know, Becca. I have too much shit going on in my head to even focus on one single thing. All I know is that for now, I’m taking pictures and then getting the fuck away from here and away from John.”

She sighed and hoisted the box in her hands up further. “Well make sure you come by the table and say bye before you leave. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to make an impolite trip to your house,” she said, giving me a wink.

I laughed. “Sure thing, girl.”

She walked off and I took the last drag of my cigarette before flicking it onto the ground. I took in a big breath of air as I placed my camera around my neck and entered the venue.

“Let’s get this over with,” I mumbled under my breath before making my way to the barricades, waiting for Versa to take the stage.

As the lights dimmed, the screaming started and I wasted no time in placing the camera to my eye, ready for any moment when a good picture possibility would arise.

When Versa was done, Rocket came on next and I snapped quite a few pictures. Nick and Halvo would often glance down at me and make stupid faces, trying to get me to laugh, and it worked, and I was also able to capture a few of those faces. Justin kept striking pose after pose, and I laughed while snapping pictures of him, as well.

When it was time for The Maine to take the stage, I felt my nerves begin to act up. I wanted to be angry and take horrible pictures of the group, but it wasn’t fair to take my anger out on the whole band, when it was really just John who was under my skin.

I watched as he grabbed the microphone and began shouting profane words, making the fans behind me go crazy. As they began singing their first song, John and I made eye contact, and I swear, even from where I was standing, I could see the hate in them. But, in all fairness, my eyes probably held an equal amount of hatred. And to everyone who knew what was going on between us, the glares made sense.

I took pictures throughout the whole set, and as I was glancing a few over, they began playing their next song. The beat alone made my whole body stiff. I didn’t even have to look up from my camera to know that he was staring at me. I could feel his eyes on me.

“I’m taking, taking all of my time. I’m dodging words but she’s saying the right lines. She made me, made me oh so crazy, but this time I feel like I’m doing something right …”

When I looked up, I saw that he was now jumping from one end of the stage to the other, singing with more enthusiasm than I had ever seen him have before. And as he came to the chorus, he made his way to the middle of the stage, standing on top of an amp. When he noticed I was actually looking at him, a smirk adorned his lips.

“This is the end, of you and me … Everything I used to be. Back then, it meant something … But you’re living a lie, you just can’t hide from me,” he sang fiercely.

It took every amount of will power that I had not to jump the stage and knock his two front teeth out. Instead, I angrily stomped my way out of the barricades and into the merch area. I ignored the stares I was receiving from everyone, and made my way out into the parking lot. I spotted Tim talking on his cell phone, and I jabbed my camera into his chest.

“You have your fucking photos. I’m done. I’m so fucking done,” I spat before walking off.

I heard him hurry off the phone before he came running after me. “Wait! Wait, Acey! Roxie’s still selling merch!”

I hastily turned around, glaring at him. “I don’t give a fuck what she’s doing! I did my job and I’m done! She’s perfectly capable of flying by her own damn self! Like I said, Tim, I’m done! Tell Pat, Garrett, Kennedy and Jared that I said goodbye, please.” With that, I turned back around and walked to Versa’s bus. I hurriedly called a taxi service, before gathering my bags and purse.

Once I was back onto the black pavement, I heard Becca calling my name. I gave a sigh, and tried to calm myself down.

“You’re leaving!?” she asked, running to me.

“Becca, I can’t take another second here. I got Tim his pictures, and now I’m done,” I stated.

I could tell she wanted to say more, but she held back. Instead, she pulled me into a tight hug, shaking us side to side. “I’m gonna miss you, and you better call me as soon as you land.”

I smiled, trying not to get teary eyed. “I will, Becca.”

When she pulled away, I could see the tears in hers and although I felt bad, my anger had the best of me. “How are you getting to the airport?”

“I just called a taxi. They told me it should only be about ten minutes.”

She nodded her head. “Want me to wait with you?”

“Who’s manning the table?”

“Uh, Roxie’s handling both tables right now,” she said.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “I appreciate the thought, but I’d really rather just wait by myself. I’m not exactly good company right now.”

She gave me a sad smile and one last hug. “I’ll see you later, Acey.”

“Later, Becca,” I smiled before she walked away.

I smoked a cigarette before my taxi arrived. As I let it fall to the ground, I took one last look at the venue behind me before getting into the car.

Although I was happy to be going home, I knew Roxie would be arriving later, and I had no clue what that meant. I just knew it wouldn’t bring anything good for either of us.