Once a Fragile Design

I didn’t want to get up from the bunk Rocket let me stay in. Eric woke me up around 10 or so saying Tim asked if I could set up the merch table. Four hours have passed and I haven’t gotten up. Eric offered to do the table for me as soon as he saw my tear stained cheeks. Justin tried to brighten me up but it didn’t work. Eventually I began to move, I changed in the little bathroom into jeans and a sweatshirt before grabbing my cigarettes and left the bus. I lit up a stick and breathed when I noticed no one was out in the lot. I walked slowly towards the venue, dreading every moment that I loomed closer to the moment I’ll see someone.

I showed my pass to the security guard and as soon as I walked in, I was bombarded by a hug. I couldn’t tell who it was but I was too drained to even ask. As soon as they spoke I figured out who they were. “I’m so sorry about my brother, Roxie!” Pat made a noise that sounded like a cry, squeezing me more. I brought my hand up to his hand and smiled a tiny bit.

“It’s okay, Pat, he’s right. Really it’s okay,” Pat gave me a sad smile before squeezing me once again and walking away. I walked to the merch area while a band still did their sound check. I pretended to text on my phone so no one would bother me. I sat down at the barely set up table and groaned. I watched Becca look up from her table and gave me a small smile. I waved slightly before putting my head phone in my ears and began setting up the table the way I want it.

As I watched the Maine sound check I felt horrible. I couldn’t listen to them without wanting to cry. I want to start this whole tour over so bad. This is the last place I want to be right now. Time seemed to tick by slowly as I played with anything to keep my mind off what might happen after the set. Doors opened at a time I felt I wasn’t ready and for some reason I was swarmed in the first five minutes. Feeling too pressured, I almost snapped but I stopped myself by breathing deeply. A few fans were nice and patient when a lot were the exact opposite. Today is obviously not my day.

During the Maine’s set, only a few songs in, I saw Acey rush past with an angry look on her face. I felt my stomach drop. John was singing with so much fierceness in his voice in This Is The End. He’s truly done with her and is mine. I bit my lip as Becca got up and raced after Acey. I watched over her table and even helped out a few people before Sierra came. “Where’s Becca?” She asked cocking her head a bit and I shrugged.

“Probably saying goodbye to Acey,” my voice cracked a little and I watched Sierra frown to me. “I’m super sorry Roxie,” Sierra told me putting a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and smiled to her to show she didn’t have to be. No one should feel sorry. Shit just happened.

After the Maine’s set I was flooded with people again and thankfully Garrett and Jared decided to come to the table and help me. John soon followed but was bombarded with girls. I couldn’t even smile. How did Acey put up with these girls? Oh that’s right, she couldn’t. It was like, just then, I really wanted to go home. I wanted to go home where I wasn’t dating my best friend’s now ex. Boyfriend and everything made more sense than it does now.

So I gave John a small smile before mouthing bye, he nodded with a frown but understood. I took my pass of my belt, walked up to Tim who conveniently watched over the guys. I handed him the pass and shrugged. “I’m leaving.” He nodded handing me a plane ticket and I walked out of the venue with the mission to fix home.

--

My mission to fix home was cut short when I came home to nothing. Acey left at least an hour before I did and yet she wasn’t here. It was left the exact way it was at the beginning of this tour a couple weeks ago. I went into her room, nothing left out of place. She didn’t even get on a plane back to Arizona. Typical.

Two weeks later

I came home to an empty house, something I’m still not used to even after two weeks. The boys were coming home soon and I don’t know if I’m excited or not. John and I talk often, most of the time on Skype and its usually me talking as he has headphones in. I barely text any of the other guys, unless it’s Jared who frequently asks if I’ve talked to Acey. Of course I haven’t and they haven’t either. Not even Kennedy which bothers me. I want my best friend so bad.

I began to cook dinner, feeling so hungry after a long day at work. I got half way through boiling the water for my rice before just stopping. “Fuck it,” I said grabbing the Chinese menu and ordering, scrapping the whole idea of cooking. After ordering I changed into comfier clothing and turned the TV on in the living room. Thirty minutes later I paid for my Chinese and began eating. Harry Potter played on ABC Family and I felt tears come to my eyes thinking about Acey.

Then the door opened and closed, scaring me so bad I dropped my rice on the floor. I turned around to see who it was and as soon as I saw Acey standing in the door way I ran to her. I forgot about the spilled rice and hugged my best friend who, thankfully, hugged back.

“I am so sorry! I am such a coward! John was right. I needed to think though and I really straightened up. I am so sorry Roxie. So, so, so, so, fucking sorry.” She cried and I cried, I was too speechless to saying thing but we just hugged. This is too great of a feeling, having my best friend back.

“You’re back, that’s all that matters.” I told her smiling and she smiled. “Chinese? I got enough to feed a family and for some reason, I got your favorite.” She laughed before saying yes and joining me on the couch, still not cleaning up my rice.