Once a Fragile Design

A few days had passed since I returned to the house, and since Roxie and I made up. Although we’d both apologized and were talking, there was still an awkward tension in the air between us, and I just wanted it to go away. I wanted things to go back to the way before this whole tour and drama started. Life was just much easier then.

Today was the day that the boys were returning home from tour, and I’d been a nervous wreck all day. I didn’t know what was going to happen, or if I even wanted to see them just yet. My wounds were still fresh, and I’m sure that if I saw John, it would be just like pouring salt on them.

I sighed as I glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearing four o’clock. From the corner of my eye, I could see Roxie nervously biting on her lip, her eyes staring at the TV, but she obviously wasn’t paying any attention to what was playing. She looked about how I felt.

“Can I ask you something?” I questioned, sitting up and breaking the silence.

She looked at me, nodding her head slowly. “Yeah, sure.”

I took in a breath, debating on how I wanted the words to leave my mouth. “I want to know, and I need you to be honest, do you really want to be with John?”

"No," she answered simply.

"No?" I asked, shocked.

She sighed and leaned her head back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve had a crush on him for as long as I can remember, but I never wanted to tell anyone, because I knew that he only had eyes for you. He’s always been in love with you, Acey. Even that day – when you and Kenny came back drunk – when he and I went walking and we talked about maybe being more than friends, there was hurt in his voice. I wanted to believe him, God, you don’t know how bad I wanted to. But he’s still in love with you, Acey. All that talk was only because he was hurting, and he wanted to forget about you.” She picked her head up and finally looked back at me. “So, if you’re asking me if I want to be with John, the answer is no. I’ve finally realized that I don’t want to be with someone, who doesn’t want to be with me.”

I didn’t really know what to say after listening to speech. It was obvious she was hurt, but it was also obvious that she was trying to push past it. “I – I’m sorry,” I said.

She laughed genuinely and rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to apologize, Acey. We’re past that. I mean,” she sighed, “I just hope that Kennedy is willing to talk to me. I know that I fucked him over and hurt him, too, but somewhere along the way, I did start gaining feelings for him. He’s a pretty amazing guy,” she smiled.

I laughed, nodding my head. “He is. I’m pretty sure that if you just talk things out with him, he’ll understand, Rox. Kenny’s not that hardheaded.”

We continued talking about John and Kennedy and the things we wanted to say to them for another thirty minutes, until a knock came on the door. We both immediately shut our mouths and stared at each other.

“Acey, get it,” Roxie told me.

“No! You get it,” I argued. She pouted and gave me big eyes, and I sighed, rolling mines. “Fine.” I walked to the door, slowly turning the knob. Once it was open, I came face to face with three smiling boys, and two who had their eyes glued to their phones, clearly not happy about being here. “H – hi, guys,” I stuttered.

“Acey!” Pat cheered, jumping on me. “I missed you!”

I laughed and hugged him. “I missed you, too, Pat!”

Garrett was next. “It’s nice to see you again, when you’re not pissed off.”

I smirked. “Yeah, yeah.” Jared gave me a hug as well before walking into the living room, going to greet Roxie. I looked back at the doorway and saw that Kennedy and John were both staring at me with their hands in their pockets. “You guys can come in,” I said in a quiet voice.

Kennedy gave me a small smile before walking into the house. John, on the other hand, stared at me with a look that created goosebumps on my skin. “I’ll wait out here,” he said.

“You’re gonna be out there for awhile then, JohnO,” Pat stated.

He rolled his green eyes and shrugged before taking a seat on the porch. I bit down on my bottom lip, debating my next move. I groaned and walked out, shutting the door behind me. I took a seat beside John, expecting him to at least look at me, but he never did; his eyes stayed on the screen of his iPhone. I knew that if we were going to have any chance at talking, I would have to be the one to break the ice.

“John,” I whispered, but he didn’t respond. He kept scrolling through his phone. “I don’t know why you’re so angry with me. You pissed me off, you know?”

He snorted and kept his thumb rolling over the screen. “Whatever.”

I sighed and threw my head back. “Can you just at least try and talk to me? Please?”

He finally put his phone away and looked at me. “What do you want to talk about, Acey? Do you want to talk about how much I fucking loved you and how the moment you laid your eyes on Zack, I became nonexistent? Is that what you want to talk to about?” he seethed.

I felt tears pricking my eyes, both angry and hurt at his words. “What about you, John!? You got on stage and basically told me to fuck off with You Left Me! You also flirted with my best friend! You’re not so fucking innocent yourself, so don’t try and put the blame all on me!” I yelled before tears began descending my cheeks. At the sight of that, his facial expression softened and he reached out to wipe my tears away, but I swatted at his hands. “Don’t.”

He let out an aggravated sigh and pulled at the ends of his hair. “Acey, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for all of the things I said to you and for hurting you and making you cry. That’s the last thing that I ever wanted to do. God, I’ve been waiting for the chance to be with you for years and years, and when I finally got the opportunity, I fucked it up. I fucked it up big time, I know, and I hate that I’m making you cry.”

I couldn’t handle it anymore. His apology was sincere and it pulled at my heart. I laid my head on his shoulder and he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and I wounded my arms around his waist, making me closer to him. “Can – can we start over, John … please?”

He nodded his head. “That sounds perfect to me.”