You Know My Love Is Always on Your Side

Hearing Todd and Bilko walk in when they did, was just horrible. I barely had time to process what had just happened in these short fifteen minutes. And I really didn’t want to see Todd right now. I’m an emotional wreck… and there’s a pregnancy test only inches away from him… that’s positive.

With my knees to my chest, I rested my forehead on them, refusing to let my eyes fall on Todd’s gorgeous ones. I always hated him seeing me such a mess like this. I know he hates it too.

As the seconds ticked by, Katie gently pushed herself off the floor. She muttered something to Bilko and I heard footsteps shuffling out of the bathroom. Sighs from Todd filled the room as I still dismissed the thought of looking up at him. But for some reason, my gaze was stuck on that stupid plastic… stick in the middle of the floor. Todd’s socked feet were only inches away from it.

Staring at it for I don’t even know how long, he slowly bends down and picks it up. My heart started racing as more silent tears started to pump continuously. Just to prove how upset I was, my body started shaking. Right away Todd rushed to my side and wrapped his arms around me. I gladly leaned into him and cried on his shoulder.

“I love you,” I don’t know why, but I pushed out as my hand came to a rest on the back of his neck and my thumb ran across his scruffy cheek softly.

“I love you too,” he whispered with his lips pressed against the top of my head.

For the first time since he’s came inside, I looked up at him. This is the first time that I had no idea what he was thinking. Todd’s emotions always flash through his eyes… but not this time. I hated it. It made my eyes water up more. All I wanted him to do was for say something… anything. I wouldn’t be offended… for the most part.

But most of all, I was flat out scared what was running through his head. Right now, he’s pretty much at the height of his career; both of us are. What’s a baby going to do for us? Complicate things? Bring us closer together? Make us happy? Sad? Miserable?

“We’re pregnant,” Todd finally voiced with a little laugh in his voice.

No matter how happy I wanted to be from the way he said that, I just couldn’t. He says things that way when he’s not fully accepting of anything or just nervous. I was hoping it was more on the nervous side. But like I said, there was nothing in those dark brown orbs of his.

As more time passed, the more fidgety he got. His actions made me want to break down again. He doesn’t like this at all. Not being able to stay in his arms anymore, I pushed myself off the floor and rushed my way through the house. Not caring that Katie kept calling after me, I was out of the house and walking to… I don’t know where. But I came to a stop on the biggest dirt jump Todd has built and it just happened to be the furthest away from the house.

I plopped down on the mound of dirt and brought my knees back up to my chest. I never thought finding out I was pregnant would be so… blah. My thoughts were always; oh this is the greatest thing ever… Not worrying if the father, my husband, had distress with it.

I had been sitting out there for a few minutes before I finally heard the door creek open and then slam shut. And of course it wasn’t the person that it should have been. That just made my mood so much better.

“Molls, I wish I could say something to make this better,” Katie said caringly as she planted herself beside me and pulled me against her for comfort.

“Tell me that I read the stupid… thing… wrong,” I replied, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie.

“You read the stupid thing wrong,” she said in a serious/sarcastic way… if possible.

But it did actually make me smile. At least someone was showing some effort here.

“How’s Todd doing?” I finally worked up the courage to ask.

Her face kind of wrinkled up, letting me know that it wasn’t the best. I just shook my head and bit my fist a little as more tears began to stream down from my eyes. Katie tried telling me sweet little nothings, but it just wasn’t working. What she was saying was what Todd should be out here doing.

“I want to see him,” I finally voiced after we had been sitting for about ten minutes in silence.

Katie nodded her head as we both stood up and slowly made our way back to the house. As we got closer, voices could be heard. Stopping short, it could only be two people: Todd and Bilko.

“What the fuck did I just do, man?” Todd voiced with a slight panic to his voice.

Even though it was dark and I couldn’t see him very well, I knew he was pacing back and forth. That’s what he does when he’s nervous…or extremely pissed off.

“Well mate, it looks like you got a little Joey coming,” I heard Bilko reply and it made me smile.

I love his Aussieness. It never gets old… unless I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“This isn’t funny, Bilko,” he kind of snapped back, making me want to break down again. “She’s having a kid…”

“I believe you two are having the kid,” Bilko cut him off.

“What the fuck ever. I can’t have one right now. I just can’t,” Todd started to ramble on.

“And why not?”

“I’m just can’t,” he snapped once again.

“Todd, you really need too…” Bilko started, but Todd soon cut him off.

“I really need to what? Calm down? That’s going to happen. I told her I didn’t want kids. I told her so many times. And what does she do? She gets pregnant,” he spit out, causing tears to fall once again.

“Whoa, mate. It’s not all her fault,” Bilko retaliated.

“Hell if it isn’t,” he shot right back.

The more I listened, the more enraged I became. Katie sensed it and pulled me into a hug that didn’t do anything to help. I pulled away from her and started toward Bilko and Todd who were still bickering back and forth.

“You know what, Todd?” I finally said to him, causing him to stop his pacing and shoot a look at me.

I was now able to detect the look in his eyes: pure shock. He didn’t expect me to come out of the darkness and catch his and Bilko’s little conversation.

“You don’t have to stay and be in this baby’s life,” I said, seeing the shocked expressions on Katie and Bilko’s face.

Hell, I even shocked myself. But if he was going to be so… immature about all of this, I’m sure that’s something I don’t wantour my child around.

“Yeah, cause that’s exactly what I want,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

“Isn’t it? What have you been telling Blake? I can’t have a child. I don’t need you,” I replied, feeling my eyes starting to sting yet again.

“You don’t need me?” he asked, full of anger and… fear? as he took a few steps towards me.

I went on to reply, but Bilko stepped in-between us.

“Why don’t you leave, mate. Both of you guys are really emotional right now and saying things you don’t mean,” he said to Todd.

He didn’t respond with anything. All Todd did was shot me one more look before huffing back into the house. Bilko followed him as I stayed out back with Kaite. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t cry.

A few minutes later, I hear the sound of his familiar Toyota Tundra being started and then squealing out of the driveway. Seconds passed and Bilko came back outside.

“Come here, Sheila,” Bilko said nicely as he stood in front of me with his arms open.

A small smile formed as I gladly accepted his hug. Without Blake and Katie, I’m pretty sure I would be going insane right about now. I couldn’t ask for a better set of friends.

“It’s my fault,” I pushed out as I took a seat on my bike that happened to be next to Todd’s.

“No it’s not. Don’t listen to him,” Katie replied. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his,” she said, making me smile a little.

We stayed out in the garage for a little longer. My two favorite people in the world right now kept trying to say little things to cheer me up. I hate to say it, but it really didn’t work. I hated myself for saying what I did to Todd. I do need him… badly; now more than ever.

“You guys don’t have to stay here. I’ll be fine,” I pushed out with my voice cracking as we ventured inside and were sitting in the living room.

“We can’t leave you here like this, Molls,” Blake said nicely from the chair across from me.

“No offence, but I kind of want to be alone for a little while right now,” I replied, dropping my gaze from either two.

He slowly nodded his head as him and Katie made it to their feet. Katie walked over to me with a big grin on her face and hugged me.

“Cheer up, Sheila. You got a little one to worry about now. You can’t be all crying like this,” she said, giving my stomach a little pat.

“I’ll try,” I sighed.

“If you need anything, at any time of the night, just call,” she went on as they started for the front door.

I mumbled out a thanks before they gently closed the door behind them, leaving me alone in this big empty house that Todd and I created. He’s the only thing I could think of. I wanted him back now even if he was upset. I just don’t like the idea of him leaving when he’s as upset as he is right now.

As the time passed, I went up stairs and changed into my nightclothes that consisted of one of Todd’s many jerseys and a pair of shorts. This particular jersey still had remains of his scent on it, making me miss him even more.

Just as I had gotten my emotions under control…for the most part, I hear his truck pulling into the driveway. Once again, my eyes started to sting. Let me tell you, if all of these tears are all apart of this whole being pregnant thing, I would hate to see how I am when I’m nine months.

I laid in our bed, waiting for Todd to make his way up the stairs. He did so slowly. I heard every creek from the stairs and his oversized Etnies shuffling across the carpet as he reached the top of the staris. The door to our room slowly opens to reveal Todd looking a little less angry, but not so much.

“So, we’re pregnant,” he said once again, staying in the doorway as his hand slowly went to the back of his neck and his eyes refused to look up at mine.