You Know My Love Is Always on Your Side

You would think that when Todd finally came back the other night that we would have made up and everything was fine now right? WRONG! All it did was start a whole other argument. The result was him leaving once again.

This is how it’s been for the past week. When he does stay for the night, he’s usually in the guest room or on the couch. I missed him sleeping next to me, holding me in his big muscular arms. I wanted him back in here with me.

I felt horrible too. Not only physically, but because of what we’re doing to Katie and Bilko. She would always mention little things that she hasn’t noticed with him lately. She never really came out and said it, but I kind of figured it was because of Todd being with him and her being with me.

But today, I was going to go through without her. I got this thing down. I don’t need anyone… until I looked down at my ring. As I slowly took it off, my smile didn’t form like it always does when I read the little memo he had engraved on the inside.

“May our ups and downs only be in the bedroom,” it read.

No matter where I am, whom I’m with, or what mood I’m in, that always makes me smile… but not now. Maybe it was because it didn’t fit our situation. If this an example of a ‘down’, then why haven’t we came back up yet? It bothered me as I left the two bands on the kitchen counter. If that doesn’t help, I usually think of the little message I put on his ring:

“Wow… we finally got married. DAMN!”

Usually, the memory of him reading that for the first time is enough to make me at least smile… I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.

Just as I had sat the rings down, my phone rang. I rolled my eyes, thinking it was him, but once I looked down, it was read Katie. She told me that her hunk of junk Ford didn’t survive a collision with a telephone pole.

As I made my way to her accident, I was trying so hard to contain my laughter. Once the vehicle came into view, I wanted to so get on her about Ford… I did pretty well for the most part. But we were getting her a heavy Chevy so it was all good.

After she got everything finalized to make the blue Avalanche hers, she insisted that she came back to my house with me. I tried so hard to get her to go home with Blake, but she just wouldn’t. All she said was that she couldn’t be in the presence of Potter. I wanted to question her about it, but I figured I should save it until we got to my house.

“What’d he do now?” I asked with a smile as I plopped down on the couch with my nightly meal of a jar of peanut butter and sliced oranges.

“He still blames you for getting pregnant! If it’s anyone’s, it’s his fault,” she started as a flash of anger came over her. “I mean it’s his… male part… his reproduction cells… his… it’s just his fault,” she finished, causing me to smile for her reasoning.

“I think he’s thinking more of the whole ‘I haven’t gotten on birth control’ thing,” I sort of defended him.

“I don’t care. He could wear a damn condom if he didn’t want kids. How dumb can he be?” she vented, making me giggle. “He deserved to be to be whacked with my purse earlier.”

“What?” I asked, shocked, but damn that sounded funny. Little innocent Katie smacking Todd with her purse.

“He just made me so mad. I hate him right now,” she said, crossing her arms.

A silence came over the two of us. After a few more minutes of stillness, Todd comes barging in through the house, tracking dirt and mud all over the carpet as he made his way upstairs.

“Thanks,” I said, not really wanting him to hear me once the door upstairs slammed shut.

“See! You should divorce him,” she said in all seriousness, but I knew she was just mad at him for how he was acting. I think all of us were though.

“He just needs time to accept it,” I defended him once again as I got up to vacuum the dirt off the floor.

“Hasn’t he had enough time?”

I ignored that question by turning the vacuum cleaner on. As I’m doing this, Todd comes thudding down the stairs, refusing to look back at me. He even passed right by me on his way out to the kitchen.

“Molly,” I hear over the sweeper.

I rolled my eyes as I turned it off and glanced at Katie. She had a worried look on her face. She wasn’t the one that was calling for me either.

“I think you two should have some time alone,” she suggested as she got up and made her way to the door rather quickly.

“What, Todd?” I finally asked back once Katie shut the door behind her.

He was now in the entranceway to the kitchen. He had my wedding set in his hands.

“Do you even want this fucking thing?” he asked, hurt and anger filling his eyes.

“If you man up and take responsibility for what you’ve done,” I shot back.

“This again,” he rolled his eyes and slammed my rings down on the counter.

“What is wrong with you? Why are you so against this?” I went after him, so tired of this arguing.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear to you that I didn’t want to have kids yet,” he countered, walking deeper into the kitchen.

“But it happened. Why can’t you just accept it?”

He didn’t answer me. All he did was stare at me without blinking. I usually love looking into his eyes… but not like this.

“Todd,” I softened my tone as I slowly walked closer to him.

His look abated a little and his eyes dropped to the floor. I hated this. As I got closer, I reached out and cupped his cheek to bring him to look back at me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I questioned a lot nicer than we have been this past week.

“I don’t know,” he finally sighed out.

“Todd, don’t be afraid to tell me.”

“I’m just scared, Molls,” he pushed out as he wrapped his arms around me for the first time in seven days.

“Of what, hun?” I asked sweetly as I gently rubbed his back.

“I’m not ready for this,” he sighed out, holding me tighter.

“And you think I’m as ready?” I asked, a little smile in my voice.

“But at least you wanted kids. I just don’t. This whole thing is just freaking me out,” he said.

I loved this tone so much more. I’m pretty sure I detected a little smile in his voice as well. When I finally looked up at him, his eyes said everything. He was scared, but he was starting to come around.

As the night went on, I am so glad to say that we did not yell at each other the whole night. Todd was finally opening up to me about all of his worries about fatherhood. Get this! He even apologized for blaming me for getting pregnant. He knew all along it wasn’t just my fault. I knew that I knew him better than that.

“I need to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning,” I said after I let out a yawn and stood to start my way upstairs.

“Why do you need to get up early?” he questioned, following me.

“Well, we’ve been arguing so much that I never got the chance to tell you,” I smirked playfully, leaving off where I did on purpose.

“Tell me what?” he smirked back as we reached our room and his hands slowly made their way to my hips.

“I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning,” I smiled as he starting leaving soft kisses along my cheek, slowly going to my neck.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” he asked quickly, bringing his scruffy face to look at me.

I just shot him a look as I crossed my arms. He smiled at me before we lowered ourselves into bed… together… for the first time in a week!
----
When I woke up in the morning to my alarm going off, Todd wasn’t there. This made me think that I had dreamt the events of last night. But soon after I had scanned the room, Todd came out of the bathroom. His body had a soft, clean glow as he pranced around in his boxers.

“You’re up early,” I smiled at him.

“Maybe you’re just up late,” he smirked as he came over and laid on his stomach to give me a quick kiss. “Get your pregnant butt up. We’ve got a doctor to see,” he teased as he pushed himself up and went to the closet to finish getting ready.

I got up and quickly got ready. I don’t know why, but I was a little nervous about this… maybe it was because Todd was going. Who knows? But I got him in the truck and we’re off to the doctor’s.

As we were waiting for my blood test result to come back that clarified that I as in fact pregnant, I glanced down at my ring that I had slid back on this morning. Todd noticed from his chair that was about three feet away from me. His smile shined through as he reached out with his left hand and held onto mine. Seeing both of our rings next to each other’s made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

“I love you,” he said softly as he stood and kissed me softly.

“I love you too,” I smiled.

Within the seconds my doctor, Dr. Brennan, came in. A smile was on her face. But this woman is always smiling, so I have no idea if it was good or bad.

“How accurate was you home pregnancy test?” she asked as she sat down and flipped through the papers that were in file.

“I don’t know. Like ninety seven percent,” I answered truthfully, glancing over at Todd. He just shrugged; like he would have a clue.

“Usually they’re pretty accurate, but…” she trailed off and looked up at us.

“But what?” Todd actually responded this time.

“Some of them can be faulty,” she replied, vaguely.

“What are you saying?” I asked, hating that she wasn’t giving me results right away.

“Molly, I don’t know how to tell you this, but… you’re not pregnant,” she said, a little of a sorry look in her eyes.

“Really? She isn’t?” Todd asked. I had to smile at the new exciting buzz he had in his voice. Dr. Brennan just shook her head. “Then why is she acting… pregnant?” he went on to question.

“It could be many things. But the most common is stress. Have you been under a lot of stress lately, Molly?” she asked.

“I don’t know…”I lied.

“That would be my guess. But when the time comes, I’m always here,” she smiled as I hopped down.

I was so ready to get out of this office…and maybe not so ready to get home. We said our final goodbyes and went out to my truck that Todd drove. We stayed quiet for the most part… until we got about halfway home.

“What are you stress about?” Todd asked, glancing over at me as we stopped at a red light.

“Nothing,” I answered quickly.

“Are you sure?” he asked, not believing me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I pushed out with a forced smile.

“Molly, I worry about you,” he sighed and then that was the end of that conversation.

I’m still debating if things would have been better if I was actually pregnant… who knows?