The Glitter Fairy!

Once upon a time there was a 'vampire' named Edward Cullen.

He glittered in the sun, had no fangs, and like reading peoples' minds.

Edward has this problem.

A problem of staring at people when they sleep.

Especially at Bella Swan. His freak of a boyfriend (ha ha...)!

Everyone knows the story of Edward, he watches Bella sleep, glitters, and is a vampire.

WHEN THIS IS WRONG!

Edward doesn't watch BELLA sleep. He watches Charlie.

And you know how Edward is the 'very decent' guy?

WRONG AGAIN!

Edward isn't all 'ladies first'. He likes to go pantie raiding. A sport for perves!

When he is pantie raiding he likes to stretch them.

"Granny panties!" He whispers freaky wise, and then-to shock the world of Edward lovers-he tries them on!

Freaky right? I know.

As if things couldn't get worse. Which things could get worse, sorry!

If you like watching gay guys to ballet, you will want to rip your eyes out.

This is possibly the most GAY things of all, and I mean it.

Regular gay guys dancing ballet is cute, funny, and enjoyable to watch (trust me).

Watching Edward Cullen running around with body glitter, and singing KOMBAYA?!

I told you. Your going to want to gauge your eyes out now, right? Right.

These are like little warning signs to you all.

VAMPIRES MEANS BLOOD!

GLITTER FAIRIES MEANS EDWARD CULLEN!

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme are all good!

They actually know things!

When Edward is the QUEEN GLITTER FAIRY!

Don't get me wrong, he's got great abs-I mean flab. All you got to do is close both eyes, VERY tightly, turn around so your back is toward him, and run away screaming.

You've been warned, RUN AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!!