The Glitter Fairy!

EDWARD ISN'T A TRUE VAMPIRE!
HE IS A STALKER, PANTIE RAIDER, AND GLITTER FAIRY!
HE DOESN'T WATCH BELLA SLEEP, HE WATCHES CHARLIE!
HE LOOKS IN BELLA'S PANTIE DRAWER, STRETCHES THEM, SAYS 'GRANNY PANTIES', AND TRIES THEM ON!
THEN HE DANCES AROUND WITH BODY GLITTER SINGING KOMBAYA!

This tells you what it's about pretty much! But you just GOTTA read it!