The Only Way I Know

I took my seat by Tom in maths, unable to stop wondering what was going on between him and Jade. As our maths teacher wrote complicated algebra sums on the board, I bit my lip, contemplating whether or not I should ask what happened...it really wasn't my business, but -

"Jamie, you don't have to look so worried," Tom muttered, scribbling down notes.

"What?"

"Me and Jade haven't broken up," he said shortly, keeping his eyes on the board.

"But then why - "

"I didn't want to do anything for Valentines Day."

"Tom, you know a girl like Jade is going to expect a lot - "

"Miss Evans, should you and Mr Kelly here stop your discussion about teenage tragedy, I think logarithms should make more sense." Mr Hardgrove threw me a stern look.

"Sorry," I mumbled, lowering my eyes and pretending to continue writing. The teacher gave a small nod and turned back to the class.

"You think I don't know that?" Tom whispered back.

"But then - "

"What if I didn't want to?" he said fiercely, ferociously dotting an 'i' and creating a hole in the page.

"Tom, you don't have to take your anger out on me, I was just saying that - "

"Look, Jade's just generally moody. OK?"

I sighed, slumping back in my seat and reluctantly beginning to write down notes. It was none of my business anyway. My mind drifted away as I thought of the way Jade looked at me nowadays. Every word I spoke to Tom was breaking the law, every moment I was seen with him caused her to look like she had trodden on a slug.

My thoughts drifted back to Julian. Before I knew it, I was drawing stupid little hearts all over my book.

I stared at the hearts. Never before had I been this obsessed...drawing hearts was out of my nature.

I thought about how Julian could make me feel. I thought about the few days i had of the same bliss with Tom. The few moments we shared...they all felt like a dream to me then, back in the day where anything happy seemed impossible.

But did Tom ever make me feel the way I felt about Julian?

Being with Julian was real. He was enough to make me happy and smile. Something which didn't happen very often. He made me feel like I was the light of his world.

Before I knew it the lesson had ended and people were filing out the door to leave. Tom patiently waited beside me.

"You go and patch things up with Jade," I said firmly, slowly placking up my things.

"No, I'll wait - "

"Go," I repeated, shooing him away. He rolled his eyes and reluctantly left. I trailed a little way behind him, making my way out onto the lawn, sitting down on the frosty grass and pulling out my iPod.

I felt a sense of deja vu, back to when this was where I would hang out all the time. How much had I changed since then? I was more confident now, more willing to express myself. But deep inside was I still the shy, outcast girl, proud of her individuality but still wanting something more?

I sighed, cranking up some Green Day. I had a beautiful boyfriend...who was more than anything I could have wished for. But school was lonely. I didn't have any close friends to rely on like I did in Australia. I didn't have a whole family like I did in Australia.

Suddenly something by the school fence caught my eye. I nearly screamed, jumping to my feet while yanking the music out of my ears.

"Why are you here?" I cried in delight, never feeling so relieved at having seen him. Julian grinned, pulling a box of chocolates from behind him.

"I wanted to improve your Valentines Day," he said softly, handing me the box.

"But...but - "

"I figured you'd be having as shitty a day at school as I am." Julian couldn't stop grinning, planting a kiss on my lips and causing my arms to tingle.

I was speechless and overwhelmed at his sheer...perfection. He was willing to stand in the freezing cold every afternoon waiting, be late for school and leave during recess - all for me.

I wanted to hug him until my arms fell off; I wanted to be with him until the day that I die. But then it still would seem like enough; nothing could express how I felt about him.

Julian jumped over the fence and into our school grounds. He moved close, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"You'll be killed if you get caught," I whisper as his face moves closer. I can see nearly every little detail on his face.

"Who cares," he said simply, smiling his brilliant smile. His lips slowly touched mine, the sweet feeling impossible to describe. A gust of cold wind blew behind me, students from my school went about their daily business....but nothing else mattered. I was encased in warmth and safety with the one and only Julian.