What Are You Waiting For?

Ian looks so adorable when he sleeps. His face just looks so peaceful, like there’s no other place to be than in his sleep world.

I slowly lifted him up onto the bed and crawled in there with him, cuddling right up against him.

I’m starting to feel bad about worrying for Riley so much. Ian’s right, Riley can make his own decisions. I was worrying more about Riley than anything else, like how Ian felt about the whole thing. I mean, sure, Riley and I are best friends and have been best friends since we don’t even know, but Ian’s here now. Now I have to learn to balance everything between those two.

Ian stirred slightly in my arms.

I practically stopped breathing, not wanting to wake him.

He turned over to face me and cuddled into my chest, right below my chin.

I smiled, stroked his hair, and kissed his forehead softly before falling asleep as well.

The whole night Riley never came in to try and steal the bed like he normally did, and it felt really weird for Ian to be so close to me in the morning comfortably. Riley usually takes up over half of the bed.

I awoke abruptly when I felt a pair of lips attacking my neck and someone straddling my hips.

I opened my eyes and saw Ian hovering over me, becoming the likely culprit of my sudden wakeup.

“Morning, sweetie.” Ian said quietly in my ear, biting it a little.

I smiled. “This is a good morning surprise.”
“I thought you’d like it.” He said, smirking at me, now attacking my lips.

I sat up, Ian following, keeping my hands on his waist.

I felt a tickling sensation around the waistline of my pants. I glanced and saw Ian’s hands down there again. I was hesitant; I don’t want to move this too fast.

“Ian…” I said breathlessly, digging my fingers into his bed head.

“Nick?” He asked, equally as breathless, starting to creep down under my waist line, tugging my pants down in little increments.

I grabbed his hand to stop him. He looked up at me, confused.

“Not yet.” I said sternly.

“Why do you keep holding it off?” Ian asked, sounding irritated.

“I’m not ready. I want to wait for something special to celebrate.” I said quietly.

Ian dropped his arms and sighed. “I feel like I’m wasting effort.”

“What do you-” I started, confused.

“It’s not easy for me to do these sorts of things, it’s just not the natural me. Whenever you decline, I feel like all my efforts are being wasted because you never accept. All the confidence I muster up, and it’s all pointless.”

That made me feel a million times worse. “Ian, I’m sorry-”

“No, no, don’t worry about it, it’s nothing, really.” Ian said, acting stubborn.

“Oh shut up, Ian. Don’t say any of that sarcastic crap, it doesn’t sneak past me.” I grabbed his face and made him look at me. “Just because we’re not having sex doesn’t mean anything. Sex doesn’t make a relationship, and when it does, well, look at Chase and Ethan.”

Ian sighed and hugged my torso. “I’m sorry, baby.”

I buried my face in his hair. “I’ll let you know, okay? You’ll know when I’m ready.”

We pulled apart slightly so our lips could connect.

“Did Riley come in at all last night?” Ian asked, crawling off of me and leaning into my side.
“Nope. I haven’t heard anything coming from the living room, so we don’t want to disturb him.” I explained.

“So why were you protecting Riley so much last night?” Ian asked me, uncomfortable about this question.

I sighed. “He’s my best friend. I’ve been friends with him for practically forever. It just comes as a natural instinct to protect him.” I explained.

“Oh.” Was all he said.

We sat in silence, the first uncomfortable silence with him that I’ve ever experienced.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly, playing with his hair.

He sighed, letting his head hit my shoulder. “Would I be totally crazy if I said that I was jealous of Riley?”

I leaned Ian off of me, looking at him with my mouth hanging open, laughing a little. “Ian, there’s nothing to be jealous of. Riley is by best friend, that would be so awkward if we did anything remotely romantic. I can’t imagine…” I trailed off, in slight shock. I don‘t know if I should tell him about we did over the summer. There shouldn‘t be any secrets between us, but I don’t know if telling him that would make him worry more. “Just no. The only thing that happened between Riley and I is that we kissed over the summer, but that’s only because I was confused. Nothing else has happened between us. You can trust me when I say that. You’re the only one.”

Ian laughed a little, shaking his head, looking at the floor. “I knew I was overreacting about this whole thing. Of course you wouldn’t want to get with your best friend. I’m so paranoid.”

I pulled Ian into me again, hugging him tightly. “You’re not overreacting, you’re just worrying about me, like a boyfriend should do. You just don’t have to worry about me going off with someone else. I don’t know what I would do without you, and I would never, ever hurt you.” I said quietly.

He squeezed me tightly. “Never leave me.” He sounded like he was going to start crying.

“I’ll never leave you, baby.” I said, rubbing his back.

“Promise.” He whispered.

I looked right into Ian’s eyes. “I promise.”

“I love you.” He said, sniffling.

“Don’t cry, Ian. I hate it when you cry.” I said, continuing to rub his back, holding back my tears. I always feel like crying whenever Ian cries.

“I’m just so happy that I have you. I always feel like I don’t deserve you, like you’re too good for me.”

I kissed him softly. “Don’t ever say that. You deserve every bit of me. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you. I mean, I’m making you cry. I’m a horrible person for making you cry. And I make you worry so much-”

Ian kissed me this time, cutting me off. “I would rather cry over you than over anyone else.”

I heard the hinge on the door creek slightly, making Ian and I look over to see Riley standing in the doorway, hair every which way, eyes half open. “Do you guys need a minute yet? Did I walk in at the wrong time?” He asked, yawning.

Ian and I looked at each other, smiling, kissing each other.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you, too.” Ian said, kissing me again before we looked back to Riley. “We’re done.” He looked up at Riley and smiled, wiping his eyes.

“So how was sexting Ethan last night?” I asked nonchalantly.

He scoffed. “We didn’t sext. We just talked. It was nice.”

“Uh huh, ‘talked’, that’s what they call it these days.” Ian said, smirking.

“Shut up, the both of you!” He yelled, laughing, coming toward us and jumping on us.

Nick started tickling his sides, which made him get off of us.

“You guys suck.” Riley said, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard.