Hope

The Past

“You really mean it?” Franky said looking up at him. She adored him so, so much.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Said Billie, bending then to kiss her nose and frowning slightly. “You didn’t doubt us did you? I know I’ve not been around since the accident but I had to help Adrienne out. I thought you’d understand.”

“You know me.” Franky said. Was this really happening? She had doubted him; she’d doubted his love for her. “I…I read some newspaper headline that I shouldn’t have.” She said glancing away, slightly embarrassed.

“That shit. Franky, come on, you know what they’re like, look at the shit they put your mother through over Tre and other women. They do it to sell their papers.”

“But Adrienne is with you.” She said turning to him, hating herself for even saying it.

“Franky please don’t say anymore, Adrienne is with me so that the boys can see her anytime. I’m helping her and I’ve managed to get her a nurse to live in too. I found it too difficult doing everything, I’ve neglected you because of it and I feel crap about it. I love you. You’re my girl. You know that, you have to.” He said reaching out to touch her face, his touch making her stomach tingle with desire.

“Lets sit down, I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do and…Adrienne said…”

“Adrienne knows you’re here?” Franky said, shocked.

“Of course she does and actually it was her idea. She knew you were here, she knew that I’d hardly spent time with you; she said we needed to talk. I haven’t seen you properly since…that night.”

“I miss him Billie, why did I let him drive?” Frank said falling against him as his arms came around her once more.

“Stop it Franky, Charlie wanted to drive. If he hadn’t have wanted to drive then he wouldn’t have. It was the lorry driver’s fault anyway, nobody else’s. Don’t blame yourself, it can’t change a thing because it was a tragic accident.”

She sniffed. She knew he was right, as always. He was always right about everything. She shouldn’t have doubted him. What did that make her?

“Listen, I have an idea. Well, once more it was Adrienne’s idea…she…she said she wanted to sell this house and, well I’ve decided to buy it from her. I want it to be ours, mine and yours, what do you think?

“Ours. Our house? I think…I think it’ll be great.” Said Franky, beaming all over her face at what Billie had just told her.

“It’ll take some time but if you want we can move in straightaway, Adrienne says its fine, she has loads more room at the big house and the boys are there to help out, I said we’d go to her as often as she needs us, she’ll need help, you know that. Everyone has been so good but…she’s upset that you haven’t been to see her.”

“I’m ashamed I haven’t seen her, its still too painful, once again I feel guilty. It was my car and Charlie was killed. I was worried about Hope…”

“She understands but I think you need to see her. Tell her how you feel.” Billie glanced around. “I can’t wait to be here with you, are you OK about it? After all, it was Charlie and Adrienne’s first.”

Franky glowed with happiness, “it’s going to be great Billie,” she said reaching out to take his hand. “We can be together at last and…I promise I’ll go see Adrienne soon.”

She pulled him close to her and they held each other.

She finally, after all these years of wanting him felt content.

Apart from that one little thing.

Which wasn’t so little.

**

“She’s depressed,” said the Doctor, “but I think there is more to it. Is she worried about anything else?” He said looking at Mike, questioning him.

“She was so happy, right up until Sam was born, we were happy. I really don’t get it. I can’t see what else she can be worried about. What can we do about this…depression?” Asked Mike, shocked at what the doctor had told him. What the hell could she be depressed about? As far as he was concerned she had everything she wanted, they were happy, they had a baby boy. He really didn’t get it.

“I have some pills, if she takes them, she’ll feel a little better in a couple of days, she’ll feel like she can cope.” He said handing a prescription to Mike.

Mike took the prescription; he’d get down to the pharmacy immediately. Then he’d talk to Jen. Well try and talk to her, perhaps he could get to the bottom of it.

**

Jen lay in bed and heard the doctor’s mumbling voice downstairs. Telling Mike. Telling him that she was depressed because she’d had Sam. Well she was, she didn’t really want him, couldn’t be bothered with him at all and the lump in her breast was continuing to grow. She didn’t care really, not anymore, Mike would be fine without her, and he’d cope well. He had his daughter Estelle to help out; he had Ramona and her friend Emily. He’d be fine.

All she wanted was to be with her sister again.

She’d never missed her so much.

**

“Ramona? Are you OK?” Said Emily. Her friend had been in the bathroom ages, she knew she liked a long bath but she’d been in there almost an hour and she didn’t have her music on in there like usual.

“Yeah…just coming,” said Ramona, the sound of the toilet flushing and then the door opening.

“You’ve been in there ages, I was a bit worried about you,” Emily said watching her closely, knowing something was bothering her.

“I’m OK, just had a long bath and a long think.” Said Ramona.

“What about?” Said Emily going into the bathroom to clean her teeth and noticing that the bathroom scales were on the floor; they were usually kept in the cupboard under the sink.

Ramona had been weighing herself again.

“About Joey. He texted me a message late last night, did you hear my phone go off?”

“No, I was so tired, I could have slept through a bomb going off,” said Emily. “What did he want?”

“He wants me to meet up with him. Today and…I don’t think I should.” She said studying herself in the long bedroom mirror. Emily could see her checking out her butt.

“Why not? You have to.” Emily said at the bathroom doorway.

“I don’t have to Emily. I want to but…I don’t have to.” She said running a brush through her hair.

“So you want to. Why don’t you then?” Emily said pulling on a pair of jeans.

“Because, it’s complicated. I’ve known Joey for years, we’re like almost cousins and I don’t think he likes me like I like him. He has that bitch Ellie. It’s too complicated, you won’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand, you’ve been friends for years that you should go. There’s no reason for you not to go and don’t let that bitch get in the way of your friendship. Go. See what he wants.”

“He just wants to talk to me, like he always does. If he has any problems he always calls me up, when I lived in New York we were always on the phone to each other. Always.”

Emily pulled her hoody over her head. “I think you’re being stupid. This is Joey and you’re letting that bitch come between you. Its what she wants, don’t let her win Ramona.”

“She’s already won. She has Joey.” She said.

**

“Do you know how much I want you?” Said Billie whispering in her ear.

Franky giggled.

If he wanted her as much as she wanted him then he was desperate for it.

She hadn’t had that much experience. She’d lost her virginity to the bastard James who’d tricked her. Then, she’d slept with Billie and it had been wonderful. It had only been the once but he’d unleashed these feelings in her that she’d never had before but back then, when she was younger and he was still married it was marred by the fact that Billie was still married, even though it was over. He was still married and this haunted Franky so she’d gone on to have a relationship with Gerard Way. The sex had been good, not wonderful but good. Until James stirred up trouble and got Gerard involved in drugs and drink again, causing them to break up and Franky to finally realise she truly loved Billie after all.

So they were here, at the cottage, alone. They’d hardly ever been alone and now was such a good opportunity to be together, finally but it wasn’t what Franky wanted.

“Not here Billie, not yet. This place, its…its not ours yet.” She said snuggling into him. They were lying on the sofa, they’d kissed, they’d touched and he was aroused. She wanted him badly but she wanted it to be right.

And here, right now wasn’t quite right.

“Its OK Franky, its fine. I feel a little uneasy too but…god I want you so much and have done for so long.” He said his warm, firm hand travelling up under her t-shirt, gently caressing her back.

“I want you too. I always have,” she said leaning in to kiss those luscious lips of is that she adored. “Lets hurry, get this place organised and make it our own.”

“Yeah. Lets do it together; it’s going to be a fantastic home for you, me and little Hope. I can’t wait Franky.”

**

Over the next week a routine was set up, Billie called round to get Franky and they drove off, giggling and laughing to the cottage for a few hours to clean up and decorate while Julia and Tre looked after Hope. Then, at lunchtime Tre and Julia would bring Hope over to the cottage and she’d stay with them at the cottage for the afternoon, Billie cooing to her and Franky painting or the other way round.

The cottage was taking shape; it was almost complete when Hope became unwell so Franky left the rest of it to Billie. He’d gone out and bought all the furniture by himself, some things they’d picked out online. It was almost finished but Franky was worried about Hope. She hadn’t fed properly for a couple of days and Franky was concerned about a rash that had formed on her body. She was constantly drinking water, as though she couldn’t get enough of it and she couldn’t keep up with all the wet nappies. She’d have to see the doctor.

But he told her not to worry, that she was OK and probably just had a cold but they took some blood from her, did a urine sample, just to make sure. In fact, the day she took her to the doctor Hope did seem a little better so Franky was relieved.

**

“I just need you to help me with something,” said Billie on the phone. “I’ll come and get you, can’t you leave Hope with Julia, just for a couple of hours,” he said.

“Course I can. Dad’s out for the day and…Julia loves having her. She’ll love having her to herself.”

“Good. I’ll be over in a minute,” said Billie. Franky couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice.

Everything was going so well and when they were moved into the cottage, she’d try and explain to him, as carefully as she could about the possibility of him being Hope’s father.

But she was scared.

What if he wasn’t Hope’s father?

What then?

What if he hated her for lying to him?

Would he still love her?

Would he still want her to be his girl?