Don't Hold Your Breath

The look on his face when I exited through the doors was enough to scar a person for life. The look of pure anguish. . . This was the look that was stuck in my mind. My last image of his face was one to cause me pain. 

I found my seat which was a window seat next to an elderly woman. She was a sweet woman that looked at me with concern as I crossed in front of her, for I still had tears in my eyes. 

I took my seat, looking out the window, hiding my face from surrounding passengers. 

It's only for a little while. I reminded myself. He'll come visit. I won't have to go long without seeing him or hearing from him. I'll call him when I land. 

No matter how many times I tried to convince myself everything was going to be okay, like he tried to assure me so many times before, his face kept flashing in my mind. The one I saw just minutes ago. . . The one that made me feel like crap. 

I pulled out my phone and searched through my pictures, attempting to find one of us/him, that brought back happy memories. 

I found one of him sitting on a swing, looking up at the camera with a big goofy grin on his face. It brought a small smile to my lips. I set it as the background and continuously stared at it. Imprinting the memory in my mind. 

Good afternoon JetBlue passengers. We will be departing shortly. Please fasten your seat belt and turn off any cellular devices.

I sighed and snapped shut the phone, removing his face from my sight.

"Was that him?" I looked over to the elderly lady who spoke. 

"Pardon?" 

"That boy. The one you left . . . The one you miss . . ." she continued gesturing towards the phone. 

"Yeah. He's my boyfriend . . ." I added. Expecting her to turn away in disgust. I was surprised when she didn't. 

"I see. Well it's obvious you care about him a lot. I'm sure what ever your troubles are, you'll get trough them. " she patted my arm after she spoke. 

She was right. We would get through this. As Brendon tried to assure me so many times before. 

"Thank you." I gave her a meaningful smile. 

"No problem son." she smiled sweetly. 

I nodded then gazed out the window. 

~*~

Soon we were in the air, and 20 minutes into the flight. I pulled out the MP3 player, curious as to what songs were on the playlist Brendon so thoughtfully put together. 

I put the headphones in my ear and played the first song. 

Your song by Elton John. 

It's a little bit funny. This feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide. 

I don't have much money, but if did, I'd by a big house where we both could live . . .

It brought a few tears to my eyes. I was such a softy.

And you can tell everybody, this is your song. It may be quite simple but, that's how it's done. 

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words,

How wonderful life is, while you're in the world.

The song finished and I had tears pouring down my face. I was such a baby. But it was incredibly sweet. 

I burst out into hysterical laughter when the next song came on. The people around me looked at me like I was a crazy idiot riding a unicycle. 

I wanna be your dominated love slave
I wanna be the one who takes the pain
You can spank me if I do not behave 
Mack me in the forehead with a chain

Brendon sure knew how to ruin a moment. It was pretty hilarious though. I was going to have to hold him to that.....

I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of In My Life. It was a dream I had once before. It seemed like forever ago now. 


There we sat. Hand in hand in probably the most cliche of surroundings. But I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that we were together. Together and alone. Away from all the distractions and judgments of life. Me and this person...... Who's face I could not see, but who's touch sent feelings like a thousand sparks all through out my body. Who ever this person was, it was obvious I was head over heals in love with them. If only I could see their face, to be able to look in their eyes and see the same affection I held in mine reflected in theirs. I reached out to caress the face of this mystery person. As I did so, I felt their arms pulling me closer, whispering the words "I love you" in my ear. A familiar voice. Soon, I placed my hand on the back of their neck, pulling them closer, and closer, until our lips finally met. And with this kiss, I suddenly knew who this person was. The fullness of their lips, the feeling of righteousness. His face suddenly became clear. Brendon.

I was woken up by the elderly woman shaking my arm. 

"We're about to land sweetie." She said. 

I opened my eyes and disappointment rushed through me. The dream...... It seemed so real this time. I felt like crying again but resisted. I'd cried too much on this flight. 

~*~

We flew into a tiny airport in the middle of nowhere. The minute I stepped out of the plane I knew I would hate it. It smelled like cow shit and it was humid. After I made it through security, my aunt met me in the lobby. 

"Ryan!" Exclaimed the short dark haired woman. This was my crazy aunt Amy. 

She pulled me into a hug and slipped a cross over my neck. 

"Umm." I held out the cross examining it. 

"George Ryan Ross!" I winced at the sound of my first name. "You keep that on! If you take it off the devil will get his hands on you!" She exclaimed. I wasn't exaggerating when i said she was crazy. This was going to be a looooong 5 months.