Losing Touch

The day after I got the news I stayed in bed until the clock read 1:24. I had been awake since 8:14, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up and live my life when I knew the end was coming so soon. It may only be June, but who knows how much longer my heart can keep me going?

My phone had gone off a few times this morning, and it was currently off because I didn’t want to be bothered. Olivia had gotten phone calls also, but she ignored them if they weren’t from her boyfriend. Byron had come in every so often and talked to me. My brother made things a little better, but I couldn’t help but have bad thoughts even with him trying to distract me.

“Zoe, could you at least come out and eat a banana or a slice of toast? Please, just for my sanity and so mom and dad won’t kill me or something?” Byron pleaded. My sullen eyes looked over at him. Even though he had only been here for merely twenty-four hours, he looked completely disheveled. I can understand that, he just found out that his youngest sibling and only sister is going to die.

I slowly nodded my head and he slightly smiled. He took one of my hands and led me to the dining room table.

“What do you want to eat?” he asked from across the kitchen.

“A slice of cinnamon toast?” I asked and smiled very weakly. Byron laughed a little and grabbed the bread and put a slice in the toaster. While it was getting toasted he went and found a cup, milk, butter, and cinnamon.

“It’s above the toaster.” I stated referring to the cinnamon. Byron nodded and grabbed the cinnamon out of the cupboard. He poured some milk into a glass and put the gallon container of milk back. He set the cup in front of me as the toast popped out. He grabbed a butter knife and he spread the butter over the toast. He took the cinnamon and poured it over the toast before putting it on a paper plate and setting down for me to consume.

Once I finished eating all of the crust, I heard the resounding thud of Olivia’s feet hitting the linoleum.

“Finally up?” she asked as I finally took a bite that filled my mouth with cinnamon. I nodded my head and took a sip of the cold milk.

“Byron made me some cinnamon toast.” I said.

“I see. Oh, Halvo’s coming in today. You’re going to have to tell him. He, and along with everyone else, thinks you’re in chemo.” she said.

I sighed and took another bite, avoiding saying anything. I knew if I spoke tears would fall also. So I just nodded and finished my food and drink.

“She has a point Z. You also have to tell mom and dad. They’ll have a fit if you don’t. And what about Kennedy? He’s our brother, he needs to know.” my brother said.

All of the talking they were doing upset me. So I got up and left to go and lock myself in my bedroom. I sat down on my bed, turned my phone back on, and started playing “Daisy” on my iPod.

I laid down and watched each and every alert appear on the screen of my phone. I started crying as the missed call alerts started appearing, each one from John with an occasional call from Ken. I stuffed the pillow in my face and screamed as I heard my phone finally stop vibrating and the knocks on my door started.

“Please let me in!” Byron pleaded while his fist hit the door that separated us.

“We’ll stop talking about it! We promise!” Liv offered.

“Just give me a few minutes to myself.” I said and they stopped. I went and checked the frantic text from John saying he’s worried because I hadn’t answered for almost two days. After I had tearfully read through the texts, I moved on to the voicemails. After listening to the first five, I couldn’t take it anymore and I deleted them.

I called Kennedy, and waited for him to pick up.

“ZOE! Thank goodness! We were all so afraid!” he exclaimed.

“Not so loud, please! Look, Byron’s here and so is Liv, of course - no need to worry.” I said trying to keep my cool.

“Byron’s there? Huh, I didn’t know he was going to see you. That’s cool, it makes me feel better since you’re in chemo.” he said and my heart panged with guilt and sadness.

“Kenny, is anyone around you? And are you sitting down?”

I heard a slight pause on the other end. I was guessing that he was settling himself. “Z, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not in chemo…”

“Wha-wh… what?” he questioned nervously.

“I can’t take it anymore… it would make me drop dead because the cancer is spreading so far. So I’m dying - it’s inevitable now…”

“No, you’re lying. This is a really mean prank Zoe!”

“It’s not a prank… why would I lie about this!?” I shouted.

I heard crying from my older brother. “Really Zoe? The cancer’s that far spread now?” he asked with sniffles in between.

“Yes. But please don’t tell the guys… I know John will panic and leave.”

“You want me to keep this a secret!?”

“You have to! But… I’m coming out to tour with you guys. You can tell them I’m on a break again. I don’t want them treating me differently, especially since I’m gonna die now…”

“Please, don’t say that again. Please, Zoe.” he pleaded as he choked back a sob.

“Okay Ken. I love you, I gotta go.”

“Okay… I love you so much Zoe.” he said and hung up. I laid back down for a minute and then unlocked my door.

“So… you’re going on tour?” Liv asked.

I nodded and looked around the corner from my door and there sat Halvo and Bryon. Halvo was crying.

“You’re gonna die?” he whispered.

I nodded and hugged him. “I didn’t know you were here yet.”

“Well, I am. And I heard everything. I came in once they stopped knocking.”

“Oh…” I said and hugged him again.

I stood back up and look at Olivia, Halvo, and Byron. “I love you guys so much.”