Losing Touch

“Time just went by so fast, huh?” Kennedy asked me as I remained in the recliner. I nodded my head without taking my eyes off Zoe’s face.

Earlier that week, hospice had came and made her comfortable by bringing a hospital bed. She had become more comfortable, but it left me with an even greater feeling of despair. But that was mostly because along with the bed they brought an oxygen machine for her.

She couldn’t even get enough air by herself. She had to have a machine pump oxygen into her lungs to stay alive. But she wasn’t really living anymore; she was lying immobile on a hospital bed in her parents’ living room.

I looked around the room and saw the faces of everyone that was close to Zoe; her parents, my parents, Halvo, Olivia, the rest of my band and their girlfriends, the rest of Rocket, and The Summer Set were all talking to each other and trying to make the best of this “reunion”.

I looked up at Kennedy, who had his hand intertwined with Morgan’s, and I felt the pang of jealousy in my heart. Kennedy still had Morgan to hold his hand through this, while my hands only met the air around me. I quickly balled my hands into fists, trying to keep my frustration to myself.

Soon, I got up for the first time in the day and decided to go and make conversation with all of my friends. They were all smiling, getting their minds off the elephant in the room. I have to admit, it was nice to see all of my friends together; but it wasn’t the ideal way to get us all together like this.

“Hey.” I said with a weak smile. Brian, Halvo, Olivia, Pat, and Roxanne smiled at me. I think they were all happy that I was talking now.

“How you been doing man? I haven’t seen you in a long time.” Brian said.

“I’ve been holding up. Life has been a roller coaster.” I stated honestly. I got nods and soon, Garrett and Nick joined our group.

We all talked about life on the road, and all of the recent craziness. But mostly, we all talked, laughed, and got caught up with each other. It was good to laugh and smile again, I honestly seemed to have forgotten how to in the past weeks.

My life had been revolving around taking care of Zoe, and worrying about her always being by my side. I had become so worrisome lately that I sort of disconnected from the world.

“John, let’s go out back.” Morgan said sweetly. I smiled at her, and we walked out back with everyone except the parents. We all went out and all talked and mingled with each other like nothing was wrong.

We were all enjoying ourselves and not wasting any time with each other. You could tell by our attitudes that we all appreciated life more now. Seeing Zoe like this changed all of our mindsets a little.

She always knew how to influence us in a positive way.

---

“Wouldn’t it just be awesome if we all toured together?” Garrett asked to the whole group. We all stayed silent for a bit, thinking about it. I smiled and nodded first.

“Fuck yeah it would be awesome!” Josh called out.

“We could call it the ‘Amazingly Amazing Tour’!” Pat shouted, causing boisterous laughter to escape all of our lips.

“WAIT! I have a better one!” Halvo shouted. “What about ‘A Classy Night for Classy People’?” he said and laughter erupted once again. I looked around and just about everyone was red in the face, especially Jared. Even Kennedy was laughing, and that made me smile internally.

Not long after the talk of the make believe tour, some of the guests had filtered back inside and it had grown quiet. I saw in one of the lawn chairs that we had pulled out and closed my eyes. I took some more time to myself, even though I had gotten quite a bit in the last few days.

Minutes later, I opened my eyes to find that I was the only person left in the backyard. I looked around and assumed everyone had made his or her way back inside of the house. But that’s when I realized how silent it was.

It was unnerving. There was absolutely no sound, but the faint rumble of Zoe’s oxygen machine from inside the house. Knowing that was the only sound made me shudder.

After standing alone like an idiot for a minute, my thoughts finally caught up with reality. No one was outside and it was dead silent.

“No.” I said quietly to myself. I, then, started slowly making my way to the living room. And once I turned the corner, I knew.

I saw tears running down everyone’s cheeks and sniffles and a few muffled sobs. I wouldn’t believe it; I couldn’t believe it. My eyes connected with Kennedy’s and I saw the tears streaming down his face; he looked heartbroken and pained.

Then, I finally looked down at Zoe; her chest wasn’t moving.

That’s when I started to cry. I sobbed, and it rang clearly throughout the room. I wasn’t holding anything back; I just let it all out.

I made my way over to my mom and she embraced me as her own tears fell.

Slowly, I felt my heart shatter into pieces. Soon, I removed my head from my mom's shoulder and walked over to Zoe.

"I love you." I said for the last time, and started crying even more.