Forgive and Forget: A Billie Joe Story

"Oh my, God," I whisper. Everyone turns to look at me. Billie gasps.

"Ellie, I-" he tries explaining himself, but I interrupt.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Billie Joe," I yell. "If you're going to do that, then don't fucking tell anyone! Especially not someone that won't hesitate to beat you till you're dead!" Billie stares at me, wide-eyed, not knowing what to say. Robbie stares at me, too, but he's fighting a smile. Tysen... he's fuming, as usual.

"Ellie, go back to your room," he whispers. I look at him, glaring.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Tysen. I dealt with it. I dealt with it with the person I hate and wish I could kill with my bare hands. So don't. Even. Start." He looks down so I look at Robbie. "Do you have anything to say?" He looks at me and the small smile spreads across his lips.

"I'm proud of you," he murmurs, but loud enough for me to hear. I tilt my head.

"I'm standing hear cursing everyone out, and you say your proud of me?" He nods.

"You're finally standing up for yourself. I didn't know how long it would take for that to happen." I stare at him for a few seconds, not sure what to say. Tysen runs his hands through his hair, obviously stressed.

"El, can we please just talk about this in your room," he asks. "Then you can cry and scream at me about everything all you want. Just..." He sighs, bringing his arms down to his sides. "Just don't pull Billie into this." I widen my eyes.

"Hell no! He's the reason for everything that's happened! I'm gonna pull him into this if I fucking want!" I look at Billie, who still has tears in his eyes.

"Ellie," he says softly. "Please just come down here and we can talk about this." I don't know what it was in his voice, but I decide it's the best thing for all of us to talk everything over. I slowly descend the stairs and stand against the railing.

"You wanna talk," I say, "then talk." He uncomfortably puts his hands in pockets.

"I never should have touched you in any way that was inappropriate. I know that. But I would have never even thought of it if I knew it would have this much of an effect on you-"

"You thought it wouldn't effect me?! You thought that my own father betraying my trust and raping me wouldn't effect me?! You're a sick bastard, Billie-"

"Ellie," Robbie yells, looking pissed. "Shut the fuck up and let him talk!" I freeze in my spot, afraid to make any kind of movement. He stares at me with a serious expression until Billie clears his throat.

"At the time, I didn't know it would have this kind of an effect on you," Billie explains. "I didn't care that I was hurting you. If I knew-"

"You wouldn't have stopped," I murmur. He sighs.

"Probably not." It's silent for a couple of minutes before Robbie stands up. I unthinkingly cringe away. He notices, but doesn't say anything.

"You two are going to Susan," he says. "I'm gonna call her now and ask her if she's free today." He walks into the kitchen and I look down.

"You need to relax, El," Tysen says. "We..." He glances at Billie. "Most of us won't hurt you-"

"I'm not gonna hurt her, Tysen-" Billie tries saying.

"You don't know that for sure, Billie! Unless you can really truly say you won't do that to her again, then don't fucking lie to her! You can lie to me all you damn well want, but don't have her believing she's safe when she's fucking not!"

"You know I want to be able to say that-"

"But you know you can't-"

"Everyone just shut the fuck up already," I scream. They stare at me, wide-eyed. I continue. "You're making this so much fucking harder than it already is!" Tears form in my eyes and I run back upstairs to my room. I slam the door shut and crawl onto the middle of my bed. About a minute later, Robbie opens the door and walks in.

"Ellie, can we talk for a second," he asks quietly. I bury my face in a pillow as he closes the door and sits next to me. "Please just look at me, baby girl-"

"Don't call me that," I choke out, fear creeping up my spine.

"I've been calling you that for over a year, Ellie." I don't say anything. I feel his hands touch my hips and I gasp, jumping back. I stare at him with cold, scared eyes.

"Don't. Touch. Me." His face falls.

"Ellie," he whispers. "Is this you talking?"

"What are you talking about," I say almost inaudibly.

"Ellie, my Ellie, the one I've known for two years... she wouldn't say stuff like this. She'd be able to get through this little bump in the road. Is this that same Ellie?" I nod slowly. "Then where is she? Cos I know she wouldn't be up here alone crying." He hooks a strand of hair behind my ear. "She would want someone with her, to comfort her. Whether it was Tysen, or Linda, or me, you always had someone up here with you." I swallow and look down, biting my lip. He tilts my head back so I'm looking straight at him. "Can I be the one with the tear stained shirt this time?" He backs up a little so he's sitting in the middle of the bed with me. I crawl into his lap and rest my head against his chest, freely letting the tears stream down my face and onto his shirt.