His Life Is Fading

In my life I’ve had many ups and downs. I’ve been with a handful of different guys. I’ve watched time pass by, friends and loved ones come and go.

But never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d watch my rock, my soul mate, my one true love slip through the cracks of time.

Saying I hated the doctor’s office and hospitals was an understatement…really. I mean unless you were having a baby there was really never anything good going on there. But, never the less, there I sat in the doctor’s office in a chair with my legs crossed my foot going up and down a mile per minute.

I looked over at Matt who just looked as calm as can be. I don’t know how though. He’d been experiencing a lot of pain in his abdomen. They even had to cancel a tour because he couldn’t make it through a show with out practically falling over from the pain.

“Babe calm down everything is going to be fine, it’s probably nothing.” Matt said to me smiling at me, showing off his dimples, and reaching out to take my hand. I just grabbed it holding on tightly.

I had been dating Matt Sanders of the band Avenged Sevenfold for three years. He’s 28 and I’m 25. He’d chased me around for a year before I finally gave him a chance. I was just being a silly girl, thinking well he was a rock star; all he wanted was a piece of ass. I’m so glad I did though, through him I found my soul mate, my best friend, and my true love. I made great friends with the rest of the band and their girlfriends also. Rhian, Jimmy’s girlfriend, becoming one of the best friends I’d ever had.

Time has passed very slowly for all of us the past three months, and now we were finally figuring out what the problem. I for one was scared to death. What if there was something horribly wrong. What would I do?

“Matt what if there is something really wrong with you? How can you sit there and be so calm?” I squeaked out a tear rolling down my cheek.

He just pulled me up in his lap and kissed me, I kissed him back letting the feeling and warmth of him wash over my whole body.

“Because babe, I have to be strong for you.” He said putting my head on his shoulder holding me tight. I hated to say it but it wasn’t as tight as before, he’d been losing weight and his muscles, it was depressing him and everyone could tell. Right then the doctor walked in and I stood next to Matt holding his hand as he squeezed it tightly.

The doctor just stood there like he didn’t know what to say, I had a burning feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just closed my eyes.

“Well, what is it?” Matt asked him. The doctor sighed and looked right at him.

“Well Mr. Sanders, it isn’t good. I’m afraid you have Pancreatic Cancer; it’s in the late stages. I’m sorry but there is nothing we can do.” He said sitting on his little stool. My heart was in my throat and I looked over at Matt who was white as a sheet.

“What do you mean there’s nothing you can do?! There’s gotta be something! What are we supposed to do? Just let him die?!” I screeched, feeling the hot tears sting my eyes.

“We could do surgery to try and give more time, but in the end that would result in nothing and put him in more pain. The best thing to do is go home and try and live comfortably and normally till…” he said as matt cut him off.

“How much time?” Matt said just looking straight ahead.

“Three months is the best I can give you.” The doctor said. I felt dizzy like my world had just flipped upside down. I fell to my knees and started sobbing.

Three months?! How could that be possible this was all a bad dream, it couldn’t be true. I wasn’t losing Matt in three months. It just wasn’t something I could grasp. I felt someone get on the floor and put their arms around me.

“I’ll give you two a few minutes.” I hear the doctor say and a door shut. Matt held onto me tight and stroked my hair. I heard him crying too, after a few minutes I backed up and looked at him as he wiped away my tears. I put my hands on his cheeks,

“Baby I’m supposed to be strong for you not the other way around.” I said closing my eyes feeling more tears fall down my face. He just gave me a half laugh.

“I’m the big strong man, it’ll be ok. We’ll make it through.” He said standing up and picking me up off the floor and standing me up.

“Let’s go home.” I said to him taking his hand and walking out the door, but not before we got tons more information from the doctor.

When we got home Matt took me up to our room and we stayed in there for hours, trying to forget everything else, and just making love all night wanting all the bad to go away.

I woke up at four in the morning and Matt wasn’t in bed. I walked down to the kitchen and he was in there drinking. He looked over to me and his eyes were all bloodshot and puffy. I knew he’d been crying. I walked over to the counter and sat on it; I looked over to him and held my arms out.

“Come here babe.” I said and he set his drink down and walked over to me wrapping his arms around my waist and his face in my neck. I just wrapped my arms around him.

“I love you Lynnz, this can’t happen. I don’t want to die, we were supposed to grow old together, have babies. Everything. Now I can’t give that to you.” He said weakly, almost making me cry but I wanted to be strong for him.

“Matthew, this isn’t about me. This is about you, I’m going to do my fucking best to make these next three months the best I can. Don’t you think about me, we’re going to focus on you.” I told him, he didn’t say anything else he just cried some more while I held him.

This was literally breaking my heart, but I had to think about him not me. I would do everything in my power to make the next three months as comfortable and as happy for him as possible.