His Life Is Fading

Today we went and faced Matt’s parents together to tell them the news. It was like a scene from a dream. No one could believe it was real, no one wanted to believe it was real.

But it was.

It was all too real and all too scary. Matt’s parents cried and held him, his sister cried. Everyone just cried. I felt like I was out of tears. I sat in a chair and watched the private family moment. Two parents learning that their child would die before them. No parent should ever have to go through that.

After a few hours we walked out the door hand in hand. We were on our way over to Jimmy and Rhian’s house where everyone was waiting. When we got to the front door I kept walking and almost fell back when I noticed Matt had stopped.

“Matt, are you coming?” I looked at him worried. He just stood there and stared at the door.

“How do I do it Lynnz? How do I tell our friends I’m going to die in three months?” He said looking at me and I felt as if someone stabbed a knife through my heart. I walked over to him stood on my tip toes and kissed his cheek.

“I’ll tell them babe.” I said and we walked through the door.

**

We all just sat there. No one said a word, no one looked at each other. The girls were all silently crying, the guys were trying to hold it together, like they wanted to wait till Matt wasn’t around.

Rhian stood up and played with her shirt and looked at Matt.

“Is there anything I can do for you love, get you a drink? Anything at all?” she said fighting back tears and I felt Matt squeeze my hand.

“Yea you can go find my doctor and punch him in the face.” Matt said grinning and everyone laughed a little.

“Listen guys, I’m not gonna sit around with the time I have left and just waste it away moping around and just feeling sorry for myself. This isn’t anyone’s fault. No one could prevent it. Life’s a bitch sometimes, and then you die.” Matt said seriously and I just looked at him. I couldn’t believe he just said that.

I got up and walked into Rhian’s kitchen and found a bottle of Patron and took a big swig. It just burned horribly as it went down my throat.

Yup this is real.

Rhian peeked her head around the corner, looking sympathetically at me.

“Are you ok love?” she asked, I just looked at her and took another drink and slammed the bottle down.

“No Rhian. I’m not o fucking k. What the fuck kinda question is that? God I’m so pissed!” I screamed throwing the bottle against the wall with a big crash. I gasped and put my hand up to my mouth realizing what I just did.

“Oh my gosh Rhian I’m so sorry.” I said starting to cry as she came over and hugged me.

“It’s ok, no big deal it’s replaceable.” She said trying to make me feel better. I just cried harder.

“I know…that bottle is replaceable..but…but Matt isn’t!,” I sobbed into her shoulder and then backed up and started screaming.

“It’s not fucking right! He doesn’t deserve this, how could this happen. He is the sweetest most caring person I know. Rhian it isn’t fair, I love him he can’t die! Why didn’t this happen to me, why can’t I be taken instead of him?! Please just let me die and let him live, I’d do anything.” I cried falling on the floor. I knew she couldn’t do anything but I just wanted to get it out.

A pair of arms went around me,

“I wouldn’t let you die. Not for me, I know this isn’t fair Lynnz, but its happening and we have to accept it. It’s just my time.” Matt said to me and I just held tightly onto his arms.

“Matt I’m sorry, I’m supposed to be strong for you like I said before. I’m being horrible.” I said trying to stop crying.

“No baby, you’re showing me you care, more than anyone ever could. Will you marry me?” he asked me and I just looked back at him.

“Are you serious?” I asked not believing it.

“Yea. I know it’s not ideal to marry a terminally ill man, but I love you and I want to spend the last of my life with you as my wife.” He said kissing me, I held onto his face and kissed him back.

***

I was watching Matt’s life fade slowly away in front of me. His face thin, his muscles practically gone, his wonderfully cute dimple barely there. But he was still here and that’s all that mattered to me.

He had one month left to live, and it was showing.

We’d done as many things as we could. We got married, he announced his cancer to his fans, there was an overwhelming response: letters, gifts, cards, flowers everything you could of was showing up. They put on one last concert, it just about broke my heart. It was amazing watching it, I would always hold that memory close to my heart. Matt was so happy up there, he cried for hours after. So many things we’ve done.

I’ve become stronger for him, more than I ever thought I could be. I had to be everything for him that I could be. He was in so much pain these days it was unbearable, it was hard to watch. Brian, Niki, Jimmy, Rhian, Zacky, Taylor, Johnny, and Catrina came over lots to just keep us company and keep his spirits up.

I was having my doubts that Matt was going to make it the rest of the month. And it scared the living shit out of me. I felt him grip my hand as tight as he could and I looked over and he was smiling at me, I smiled back and kissed his cheek.

“I love you babe.” He said to me and I kissed his cheek.

“I love you too.” I said putting my head on his shoulder.

Please just let him live a little longer.