His Life Is Fading

The doctors came by the house and gave Matt a week to live at most. Matt’s parents and my parent’s were at the house and after that visit no one could stop crying.

I just let Matt be with his parents, and I let mine hold me as I cried. It was all too real now and I didn’t know if I could accept it. I wanted to so badly but it was just not something I could cope with.

How was I going to live my life without my husband? I had so many questions yet to be answered.

I went in and laid next to Matt’s frail body after everyone left. I wanted him to live so much longer, but he was in so much pain it was no longer fair for me to ask that anymore.

“Hi baby. How are you feeling?” I said kissing him gently looking over him. He smiled weakly at me.

“Like shit.” He said and I choked out a laugh and just lay with him.

He literally amazed me, he wasn’t angry anymore, wasn’t mad, didn’t hate the world, God, anyone. He accepted it now, accepted the fact he had a good life, better than most. He got to do what he loved for a long time, which not very many people could say. He didn’t want to go with any regrets. Matt speaking pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Lynn, you’re getting my shirt wet.” He said stroking my hair. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

“Oh I’m sorry Matt.” I said getting up.

“Baby I was kidding. Get back here.” He said and I lay back down with him looking up at his face. His face turned serious and a tear rolled down his cheek, I kept looking at him and bit my lip.

“I dunno how much longer I can hang on. I want to badly but I know it’s almost my time. The only thing that is killing me right now is knowing I’m leaving you here alone. By yourself. I know this is hurting you more than I can ever know, just know that you being here with me has made this easier for me to deal with. Without you I would have never been able to get through this.” He said more tears in his eyes.

“Matthew I love you, more than you really do know. I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Always, till I meet up with you again.” I said kissing his forehead and he was already sleeping.

***

The next day I had called everyone and told them to come over because I didn’t think he was going to make it much longer. It was a really good day for Matt and everyone else. One last get together, one last memory a good happy one.

We watched movies talked, laughed, cried, every emotion you can think of rolled through the day. Matt told us all not to be sad but remember him for who he was and not how he ended up.

To always remember the good times and never the bad. So that is what we would do.

Later that night I was lying in bed with him and he was holding my hand. I listened to him breath and I knew it wasn’t so good. I knew this was it.

The end.

I knew he knew it also, he leaned down as best as he could and he kissed me. It sent a shiver through my whole body and I kissed back feeling both our tears mixed together.

“I love you Lynnz.” He said to me closing his eyes

“I love..you too…Matthew,” I managed to choke out, “I have one more thing to tell you before you go.” I finished stroking his cheek. He turned and looked at me.

“I’m pregnant baby, we’re going to have a child.” I whispered to him in his ear. His eyes lit up and he got a big smile on his face.

He put his hand on my cheek and kissed my forehead. I watched him close his eyes, and I knew he was gone. I just held his hand to my cheek and started to sob. I couldn’t believe he was really gone. I tried to stop crying and called his parents and mine, telling them what happened, when I hung up the phone I just clung to his body and sobbed.

***

Everyone was at Matt’s funeral it was beautiful he was in a glossy black casket and looked better than he had in a month. He looked peaceful and finally at rest. Rhian and Jimmy held me up while I sobbed trying to put a rose on his casket as Brian sang a song for Matt.

I could never imagine my life without Matt in it. But I had another reason now to be strong. I had a piece of my husband growing inside me. I knew Matt was gone now, but we all had another person coming in his place.

This child would know what an amazing person their father was. How he was a fighter and a person of amazing magnitude. There wasn’t a better person I could think of the would’ve been a better father than him. I didn’t know what kind of person our child would be. Hopefully like their father.

Only time could tell.