Start To Begin Again

Piece Eight.

I felt someone touching me, brushing my hair from my face. I sighed and rolled away from the hand.

“Linette,” I rolled back over and opened my eyes slightly, “Honey wake up.” The hand went back to brushing my hair back. I closed my eyes again and slipped back into sleep.

I stumbled on the last few steps but caught myself on the banister. I could hear Zacky come up behind me and help me up. I pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me,” I said limping from him. I could hear him scoff. I turned around and pointed my finger at him before pulling it back.

“You, you don’t get to scoff. I,” I waved my hand to my chest, “I should be scoffing at you,”

“You’re hurt,”

“You’re damn right I’m hurt. You come back from tour and instead of spending at least a couple of minutes with me. I’m lucky if I can get your drunken ass crawling into bed with me at six in the morning!” I turned around and stumbled again. Not the best exit. I leaned against the wall and slid down.

“You meant my foot didn’t you?” I asked looking up at Zacky. He nodded. I couldn’t read the expression on his face. He walked over to me and kneeled down. I winced when he picked up my ankle.

“It’s twisted,” He came to my side and slid my arm over his shoulder, “Come on.” I stood up and leaned on my good foot. He walked me into the living in silence. I even bit my lip as he sat me down in the recliner.

I turned my head only to get turned back to Zacky’s and got swept into a kiss that took no prisoners. I tried to fight for a millisecond but I gave in and pulled him on top of me. I was mad but I needed him still. Still I couldn’t do it anymore.

It wasn’t like this at the beginning. I didn’t want to fall into this depressing routine. I didn’t want our kisses to be make ups. I wanted something. In every way Zacky was perfect expect when I needed him. He didn’t know how to act when I really needed him.

He wouldn’t talk about me just blowing up at him. I wouldn’t give him the chance either. I was tired. I wanted more. I just wasn’t sure if he could give it to me.

I pulled away from him.

“Zack, I’m leaving.”

I opened my eyes again and saw my mother smiling down at me. I blinked a couple of times and brushed my eyes. I sat up and looked at her again. She smiled this time flashing her prize winning smile, something I didn’t inherit.

“I thought I’d let you sleep in a little,” She said brushing my hair again from my face. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed in her scent. She was taken aback but relaxed and hugged me as tightly as I did her.

I sighed and rested my head in the crook between her shoulder and neck. I felt small and safe. I felt like I did when I was kid and had just fallen off my horse and had my mother pick me up; scolding my father for driving the horse to fast.

“I missed you too,” She laughed pulling away, “Come down stairs. Your dad is making breakfast,” She said kissing my forehead and left me alone. Alone. That’s what I was now. I pushed back the covers even more and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

I stopped again and looked in the mirror. I was wearing an early ZV University shirt. I pulled it over my head and threw it to the ground. I stomped on it a few more times. I stopped. I ran my fingers through my fallen hair.

“Get a grip, Lin,” I said to myself pulling another shirt from my bag. A simple, plan white shirt. I pulled it over my head and left the abandoned one on the floor. I paused and turned. I gave it a swift kick sending it to the top of my bag. Satisfied I left my room and made my way down stairs and towards the smell of a home cooked breakfast.

“Morning Nettie,” I smiled as my father kissed me on the cheek. It was hard to be mad at a man who was making food. I sat down at my usual spot at the table. My mother smiled at me. I smiled back. She kept smiling.

“What?” I asked. I felt like I had a mark on my face.

“Nothing. It’s just nice having you home,” I nodded. There was something behind that smile. I looked back at my dad. He had his eyes set on something outside the window. I laughed as he finally caught on that what he was cooking was burning. I turned back to my mom who let out a laugh.

Something was off. My father doesn’t space out. Then I remembered why I was here. I kept my eyes on my mother. She caught me looking at her and stopped in mid-action. She had her hand on her stomach. She dropped it when I didn’t drop my stare. I got up and pointed an accusing finger to her.

“You’re…”She nodded. I sat back down. I ran fingers through my hair. I looked back at my mother. My father slid a plate in front of me.

“I’m not hungry,” I said getting up and leaving the table.

“Linette,” I put my hand up and left the house making sure to slam the screen door. I rubbed my arms remembering that it was winter.

“Whoa, Linette,” I walked up to see Graham in his truck. I kept on walking rubbing my arms as I walked up the driveway. Someone must have done a run with a snow blower because I was knee deep in snow. Yet. When I got to the top of the driveway the street was covered in snow.

“Get in,” I turned around and saw Graham driving his truck up. I paused. I hated the guy. I couldn’t even stand him. I always found him annoying but right now something in shut off that voice in my brain.

I ran to the side of the truck and slid in. He didn’t say anything and drove off. I let out a frustrated puff of air. I could feel him keeping one eye on me and one on the road.

“They told you huh?” I nodded. I looked at him. I rolled my eyes when he flashed me a smile and felt his hand creep onto my knee.

“Get off and pull over,” I said tearing his hand off my leg. He pulled over. I got out and slammed the door. I kept on walking and I could hear him drive off. I turned around and saw him take off down the road.

“Asswipe,” I looked down at my bare feet. I am in idiot. Memo to self next time you storm off do so when dressed for the weather. I got out of the deep snow and walked in the tire marks made into the road. I wasn’t that far from the house. I could walk back before I lost my foot.

I didn’t get the chance too. I heard a car door slam and someone running towards me. I turned around and was slapped with shock.

“What are you doing here?”