And I'll Sculpt My Life For Your Acceptance

Billie and I caught a plan back home that night.

He told me about how he came out to get me to come back to California and when he got to my dad’s house he told him about how far off the rails I was. He went to all the clubs and pubs on that part of town the night that he found me and when he did he took me back to the hotel room straight away. He told me that I passed out in the car on the way there and he had to carry me up to his room. Then after I left the next day he went back to my dad’s and he promised not to leave until he had me with him.

I felt terrible for all the pain I’d caused my family, Edie and Billie Joe.

When I apologised to Edie she was pretty pissed at me and I don’t think she’ll forgive me as easy as everybody else.

The plane landed at around 2 in the morning. I fell asleep about an hour before we landed and when I woke up I was even tireder than I was before I fell asleep.

“I’ll drop you off at your apartment then I’ll go home.” Billie told me as we climbed into the taxi. I made a ‘hmm’ sound as I was drifting back off to sleep but the driver decided to slam on the breaks every few seconds which stopped me from getting to sleep.

It didn’t stop Billie though. We’d only been in the taxi for about 5 minutes and he fell asleep. It was cute, he looks like such a baby when he sleeps.

When we got to my apartment I paid the driver and woke Billie up.

“We’re here.” I said once he’d opened his eyes.

“Did I fall asleep?” He asked, glancing around me, like he had no idea where he was or how he got here. I nodded. “I’ll probably see you are sometime, yeah?” He asked, grabbing the door to pull it closed but I stopped it.

“You can stay here tonight, you’ll fall asleep again on the way to your place and the driver probably won’t be able to wake you.” I told him, grabbing and pulling on his arm so that he would stand up. “Now help me get the bags.” I told him once he was up.

He grabbed his and tried to grab mine but his hands were full and I was quite capable of taking my own bag. “Oh, Miss Independent now are we?” He mocked me. I just gave him the finger and kept walking.

“Don’t think this is me telling you we’re okay now, because we’re not. You hurt me and I don’t know if I can forgive you for that but I’ll try when I’m ready.” I told him when we’d made it to the apartment and I’d given him some blankets, he was staying on the couch.

The morning after I’d gotten back from Jersey, I woke to find Billie Joe gone. There was a note from him pretty much saying thank you and that he hopes to see me around.

We did see each other around and it wasn’t as awkward as I’d imagined and I tried forgiving him and I was ready to try our relationship again than I head that the girl he cheated on me with was pregnant and they were planning on getting married which threw everything I’d been working on out the window.

I’d been clean for 7 months when I heard about it and I almost went back to New Jersey but I really didn’t want to disappoint anybody again.

I’d also made new friends who helped me through the whole Billie Joe situation. They were originally from France and they were trying to get me to go to Paris with them but I didn’t have the money to just drop everything and fly to France. They argued that I would have the money by the time they left which would be in May.

I didn’t give in to them until I seen Billie one day.

I was going out for lunch with Tori, we stopped at a cute little restaurant and decided to sit outside since it was a nice day.

“What are you going to have?” I asked Tori as I looked over the menu, she was doing the same.

“I’m not sure, it all sounds yummy.” She laughed as she rubbed her belly. “What about you?”

I stared at a few of the items on the menu, unable to pick one. “I don’t know either.” I looked over the menu at her, but she had ducked down to grab something out of her purse that was on the ground. “Oh shit.” I said, noticing the hair of the guy sitting at the table directly behind us. The girl that was with him looked exhausted and there was a pram with them. “Do you want to just go somewhere else?” I asked her, my voice just above a whisper.

“What?” She asked as she sat back up properly. “Don’t you like this place?” She looked offende;, she was the one who picked this place to have lunch.

“No, no. I like this place. I just, I can’t be here right now. There are some people who I don’t want to be around.” I tried to hint at the table behind us by pointing subtly but she didn’t notice.

“But I really want to try the food here!” She whined. “Come on, Karmony. The people probably haven’t even noticed you here.” She said, ducking down again, “I can’t find my phone.” She mumbled.

I noticed Billie’s head moving to look behind him so I quickly pulled the menu up to cover my face.

The waitress finally walked over to us. “Would you like to order?” She asked us. I had the fucking menu in front of my face, as if I was ready to order.

“Oh yes.” Tori said handing over her menu before she told the waitress what she wanted.

“And you?” The waitress asked, trying to grab my menu. I let her take it.

“I’ll have the same thanks.”I told her. I had no idea what Tori had ordered but it didn’t matter, I couldn’t concentrate.

The head had turned back around the right way, luckily.

“What has gotten into you Karmony?” Tori asked loudly, causing Billie’s head to turn around again. This time we made eye contact, he smiled at me and I just looked away.

“Nothing. I’m just hungry.” I told her. She just shook her head and started doing something on her phone.

Just before we finished our meals Billie’s fiancé/wife got up and walked in the direction of the bathroom with the pram.

“I got to go to the toilet.” Tori said a few seconds later, completely oblivious to the fact that the girl on the table behind her had just left too.

Just after she left, Billie turned around again.

“Hey.” He said, smiling at me again.

I glared at him. “Don’t talk to me please. It’s bad enough that I had to sit here and eat my food while staring at the back of your head.”

He looked hurt but didn’t give up. “I didn’t plan on getting back together with her but I couldn’t just abandon her, she needed me.” He tried explaining.

“Billie, I really don’t care. It’s not like we were together anymore anyway. I really shouldn’t be hurt by this whole situation. I just hope that you believe you done the right thing.”

“I hope I did.” He looked towards the doors leading into the restaurant where the bathrooms were. “I really miss you, Kar. I would give anything to be pushing that pram with you, but I can’t change what has happened.”

“I don’t get you.” I told him as Tori walked over. “Just, don’t talk to me.” I could see the hurt in his eyes but he done as I instructed.

Tori looked over her shoulder at Billie’s back than back at me. “What was that about?” She mouthed.

I pushed my plate away and shook my head. “Nothing. Let’s just go.” We paid for the pill than left.

That was the day that I changed my mind; I would go to Paris with the girls and I will have fun.