And I'll Sculpt My Life For Your Acceptance

It was now Thursday night, there were a few bands playing at Gilman’s but nobody that I really knew. I’d heard from a few people that ‘Operation Ivy’ was good so I was hanging to see them.

I hadn’t seen Billie, Mike or Tre since Tuesday. After mine and Billie’s talk we all just chilled in the apartment until it got late and I kicked them out so that I could sleep. I have a feeling that they came around to see me yesterday because I seen their truck from Claire’s window but I didn’t want to bail on her. I seen her as I was walking to my apartment after work yesterday and she asked if I wanted to hang out, and I needed to make more friends than the guys so I did. I was there until late so when I got back to my apartment there was nobody around.

I kind of missed the guys but I knew that I would see them again soon, if not I would have to ask Tony for their addresses or something.

The first band was just about finished and everybody made their way to the bar to get drinks. I was starting to recognize a few people and made an effort to talk to them since I would be seeing them a fair bit. I was making my way down the bar when I spotted the familiar face, he smirked once he seen that I’d spotted him.

“Hello,” I said as I stopped in front of him. “What can I get you?”

“Just a coke thanks.” He replied. I nodded and grabbed a bottle from the fridge before filling up the plastic cup and passing it to him, he handed me the right amount of money and instead of moving away for the other customers, he stayed put and just kept smiling at me. His smile was slightly lazy and his eyes were blood shot. I lent in closer to him and smelt the air around him, I could faintly smell the pot and it made me want to call the all too familiar number and get my own weed. But I was not going to be tempted to do that, I was changing, I wasn’t going to start doing it again.

“Billie Joe, you need to move. There are people lining up behind you.” I said, he glanced behind him before looking back at me and shaking his head.

“I need to talk to you first.”

I sighed, “Just wait until it dies down a bit here and we’ll talk during the next band, ‘kay?” I tried to bargain with him, he nodded reluctantly before moving away from the bar so I could serve the now angry customers. I don’t know how many times I was told that I was supposed to be working not making dates with boys. I had to hold my tongue and not say anything to these people because I knew that I would lose my job if I made a large number of them unhappy. I don’t know why they were all acting like my mother, half of them were my age, some younger, they shouldn’t saying stuff like that, it made them sound old.

The band went on around 20 minutes later; it felt like it was hours later, the crowd moved away from the bar and back into the mosh pit area. Billie came back and sat on the stool at the end of the bar.

“Can we talk now? Or am I keeping you from doing your job?” he asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at him, but I couldn’t help but smile. “You can talk now, but if a customer comes up I have to tend to them because I’m pretty sure I’ll already have enough complaints made about me and I can’t lose my job.”

He scoffed, and rolled his eyes. “You lose your job? As if Tony would do that, he likes you.”

“Whatever, Trevor.” I laughed. He gave me a funny look before laughing so hard that he almost fell off his chair. “It’s not that funny.” I said seriously.

“You-“ laugh “Called me-” laugh “Trevor!” he gasped out laughing even harder.

“You’ve never heard that?” I asked him in disbelief. He shook his head. “Seriously? You’ve been missing out.”

He didn’t say anything more and it took him a few minutes to calm down but as soon as he’d look at me, the laughing would overcome him again. I left him alone for a while, while I got a bottle of water for a girl and I grabbed myself one. When I returned to him, he had stopped laughing and I could tell them he was over it now.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” I asked once I was settled in my chair.

“Oh yeah,” he said, he wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “I was wondering if you’d go out with me when you finish work tonight?”

“Like a date?” I asked, unsure. He nodded his head. I sighed, “Billie Joe, I’ve already told you that I don’t want to date anybody at the moment.”

“But I really like you.” He begged.

“You don’t really know me.”

“But from the little that I do know you I like you…”

“Billie, don’t make this hard. I said no and that’s final.” I snapped and walked away from him.

I felt horrible. I did like Billie, I was in the same boat as him though; we didn’t know each other very well. And plus he just got out of a relationship and I just moved here, I was trying to start my life over again and I didn’t need a relationship at the moment, maybe in a few months I might but right now isn’t the right time for me. I refuse to be his rebound girl as well. I know that he broke up with her and I was part of the reason why but I don’t know how serious they were. If they were really serious, he could, and probably does, still have feeling for her.

I ignored him for the rest of the night; I didn’t pay any attention to Operation Ivy when they came out. I was too busy watching the clock. They ended up playing half an hour longer than was planned which meant that I didn’t get home until late.

Friday night was the same as Thursday; Billie asked me out, I said no and felt bad for it.
Saturday night was the same and all through the week Billie stopped by and asked me. I was actually getting pretty pissed off at him and I knew that Casey could tell when he heard me yelling at Billie from my little office.

On the Thursday night when I got there Casey stopped me.

“I heard you and Billie Joe Armstrong fighting yesterday in the office and I’ve noticed that you are more aggressive once he’s talked to you.” He explained, I hadn’t realized that I was aggressive. “I can keep him from coming in here if you want? I mean, it will be a lot less stressful for you and I’m sure that the crowd will be happier with a nicer bartender.” He said, smiling at the last part.

I laughed at him but shook my head. “It’s okay. I think that Green Day is playing tonight anyway so you can’t keep the lead singer out.”

“Oh shit, lucky you remembered ‘cause I forgot!” he said laughing, and shaking his head at himself. “Well, if you ever want me to kick him out or whatever, don’t hesitate to ask, got it?” I nodded and walked off to put my bag in the office.

It was actually a quiet night, considering that Green Day was playing. But I was thankful; I was too worn-out to be on my feet the whole time.

Before Green Day took the stage, Billie came to see me.

“Billie Joe Armstrong, you even think about asking me that question right now and I will get you kicked out, I’m not in the mood.” I snapped.

He just smiled at me. “I won’t right now I wouldn’t want to disappoint the fans!” he said, pointing to the small group of people near the stage. “But I will ask you to pay attention to our set.”

“I do that most of the time anyway.” I mumbled, he looked at me with a curious expression on his face but didn’t say anything. “Okay, I’ll pay attention.”

“Good.” He said before walking off and leaving me alone once again.

I was curious as to why I had to pay attention and it was playing on my mind until they came out. They played a few songs and I was paying attention to them. They weren’t doing anything different, well up until Billie stopped Mike and Tre and turned to the crowd.

“There is a girl here tonight and I want her to know how I feel so I hope she is paying attention, I can’t see her so she better be.” He said laughing at the end. “This is called ‘Only of You’. And this is for you, Kar.” He started singing and I felt my cheeks heat up, it was the sweetest thing that a guy has ever done for me but it wasn’t going to make me give in to him.

“” The song finished and everybody was cheering. I grinned and watched as Billie tried to see me at the bar, he couldn’t see me and he gave up as the other two began to play the new song.

They played a few more songs; Tre sung his song as well. I loved seeing them on the stage; they looked like they belonged there. I could see them making it big, or at least playing gigs other than the small ones they play here at Gilman’s.

Before I knew it they were off the stage and I was surrounded by people again, but this time I was excited to see them; it meant that I could go home soon. I was asked a couple of time if I was the girl who Billie had dedicated the song too, when I told them that I was some told me I was stupid to not be dating him, and others asked me if I was. I felt uncomfortable with all the attention I was getting and I was tired so when a guy asked me if the song made me want to ‘jump into the sack’ with Billie I told him where to go and yelled that the bar was closed so everybody can piss off. Casey came over and asked if everything was okay when a group of people told him that Tony needed to hire a new bartender.

“I’m just tired and everybody is pissing me off with questions about Billie Joe.” I told him.

“I’ll talk to Tony, I’m sure he’ll let you have tomorrow off if you need it.” He said sympathetically. “We know you’ve just moved here and haven’t had much time to settle in so he’ll be fine with it.”

I smiled at him. “I’m sure I just need to get out of here and have a decent sleep.”

We continued talking for a bit, waiting for Tony to come with my pay. And when we heard footsteps I felt happy that I could finally leave but it was Billie.

“Hey Casey, Karmony.” He said, nodding at us.

Casey stood up. “I’ll see you later Kar.” He said as he walked away. He motioned behind Billie’s back for me to yell if I needed him, I nodded.

“So did you like the song?” Billie asked once he was sure that Casey had left.

“It was sweet.”

“So how about that date?” he asked, a cute smile on his face.

“You don’t give up do you?” I said more as a statement than a question.

He shook his head. “I’m going to be here every night that you work until you say you will.”

I sighed angrily as I ran my hand through my hair. “Well prepare to be here for a while.”

He smirked at me as he spoke. “I think you’re just playing hard to get.”

I slammed my fist down on the bar and groaned loudly as the pain shot through my fist. “Seriously, Billie Joe, I said no can’t you just leave it at that and stop asking me?” I snapped.

“That would be the easy thing to do but I know deep down you want me just as much as I want you.”

I scoffed. “I doubt it.”Lie. Lie. Lie.