It's Complicated

This was a rare thing, but I did it only when it was needed.

Entering the kitchen, I see my amazing mother cooking dinner. She was humming to herself and smiling broadly, probably because dad would be home for dinner tonight instead of at work. I smiled myself before walking over to her and tapping her shoulder.

“Noah, sweetie, do you need something?” My mom asks, pulling me towards her so she can give me a hug.

I chuckle and wrap my arms around her thin frame. When she pulled away she went back to cooking, but I knew she was listening.

“I have a problem,” I say to her. The hum she mad told me that she heard me and I could go on. “Ronnie and I are fighting.”

She looked back at me, shocked. I frowned; I didn’t blame her for being shocked. Ronnie and I never fought; we were normally attached at the hip. At least we were until Amy came along.

“Are you serious?” The concern in her voice was only something a mother could pull off.

I didn’t need to answer for her to know.

“What about?” She asks, forgetting the food and moving to my side so she could sit next to me.

“I saw Amy cheating on him. I tried to tell him, I did, but he didn’t believe me…we got in a fight and just…things are messed up now.”

“You’re his best friend! Why wouldn’t he believe you?”

“Because he apparently knew that…I liked him,” I answered, my fringe hiding my eyes from her view. Mom knew about my orientation, dad didn’t though and I planned on keeping it that way until I move out.

She shook her head, disappointed, and stood to go back to her cooking. “That’s not right. If Ronnie doesn’t believe you then let him learn the hard way. Don’t feel bad about it sweetie, because you did a good job by telling him.”

Ah, a mother and her words. Sometimes I wondered what I’d do without her.

“Thanks mum.”

“No problem…now my mothers’ intuition tells me something else is bugging you,” she giggled, looking back at me from over her shoulder.

I flushed at this part. I had to talk to someone about it though…because…Paine liking me? It just sounded so strange when I thought about it, but maybe that will be a different story when I ask mom.

Taking in a deep breath I ask, “Do you think Paine likes me…as in more than a friendly way?”

My mother froze in her movements. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but I ignored that to wait for her reply. She looked back at me with an eyebrow raised. I, for a moment, thought she was going to say what I thought ‘there’s no way’, but I got something much different.

“You are…so stupid,” she answered with a roll of her eyes. I whined, a mother is not supposed to call her child stupid! That’s just mean.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I growl. I am not stupid.

“Of course he does. I admit, the boy is good at hiding it, but by the way he looks after you and takes care of you…it makes him obvious.”

I sat there, eyes wide, and jaw hitting the floor. That makes two people. There are two people who believe that Paine likes me, one of his closest friends.

Am I the only one who finds this odd? Not just odd, but slightly wrong. Paine, in my eyes, is like a brother, but I guess…that’s what I’m like in Ronnie’s eyes too.

“He’s a nice boy.”

I looked away from my shoes. Mother was standing behind the table with a soft smile.

“What?” I ask.

“Paine, he’s a nice boy. I bet he can help you forget about Ronnie.”

My cheeks burned out of embarrassment as I sputtered to get something out. Mom laughed at my nervous behavior and ushered me upstairs, claiming that she wanted to finish our dinner in peace. When I reached my room and the door was shut behind me, telling me that I was safe, I jumped onto my bed and wrapped myself in layers of blankets.

Silence flooded my room then…before I screamed, “That’s impossible!”

I paced my room afterwards. I just realized that…if Paine really does like me, than he really does know how I feel.

I had to listen to Ronnie talk about Amy and he had to listen to me talk about Ronnie.

I feel like a jerk, a complete and total jerk. I put Paine through the same thing I went through and now I just…felt like shit for it. I know it hurt, so I know that he is hurting too.If he really does like me, which I still doubt.

Sighing, I decide just to stop thinking about it. I’m not sure if it’s true or not. Who knows Ronnie could just be fucking with me. He could have just said that because he wants me to move on and since Paine is the closest person I have right now he used him.What if he really does like me though?