It's Complicated

You can do this Noah. Just walk over there, stand nice and tall, take in a deep breath, and ask. That’s right, walk over there just like you always do. Act cool, like nothing is going crazy throughout your head. Just smile and ask it can’t be that hard right?

“Hey Noah,” Paine greets me as soon as I stand beside him. I looked up into his chocolate eyes and realized shit I can’t do this.

This was Paine. There is no way that he could like me and…what would he say if I asked? I don’t want to end up without both Ronnie and Paine. That’d be stupid on my part. Why the hell did I even think about asking? That’s just retarded of me.

I smiled up at the boy, realizing that I hadn’t greeted him yet. “Hello.”

Paine stared at me oddly, suspicious in a way while asking, “What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re…acting weird.”

“I am not!”

Paine eyed me suspiciously one more time before sighing, “You’re right.”

Oh good, he didn’t notice.

“You act weird normally.”

That asshole. “What? You take that back!”

Paine smirked before throwing his bag over his shoulder. Lazily he pushes his locker closed before turning to head to first. I whined and followed after him, demanding that he take that back, but of course he didn’t because he’s an asshole.

Why am I friends with him again?

The two of us sat down in first period. Paine was twirling his pencil between his fingers with a bored stare on his face. I sighed and looked around the class, spotting a familiar head of brown and orange. Immediately I frowned at the sight.

Sitting at the front of the class was Ronnie. He was talking, smiling, and laughing away with one of the guys from the basketball team. His name was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quit remember it.

His name didn’t matter though, what did was that Ronnie was having fun, he was enjoying himself and it wasn’t because of me. I felt my heart break a little more inside at the idea of him being just fine without me, his best friend around.

Did I really mean that little to him? He meant so much to me…it hurts to think about it. It hurts to know that we are no longer best friends, or friends at all for that matter. It hurts to see him being able to live without me.

I guess…I really am nothing in his eyes…

My eyes went downcast, focusing themselves on my oh-so interesting beat up converses. The laces, once pure white, were stained with dirt. The black was beginning to fade, becoming more of a dark gray now then anything.

As I was doing this, I didn’t notice Paine move beside me. I didn’t feel his eyes on me until I felt something cup my chin.

My eyes widened as Paine forced me to look at him, his hand cupping my face delicately. I knew my cheeks were flushing, but Paine didn’t even comment on them. His eyes searched mine before they snapped to the side, I could only guess who he was looking at, and then came back to mine.

“Don’t,” he said, his voice cold. “He doesn’t deserve it.”

His hand slowly pulled away, his calloused fingers ghosting across my skin.It sent shivers down my spine. He tore his eyes from me and went back to what he was doing, being bored while twirling his pencil, but I had a feeling that although he acted like he was doing that he was really focusing on me.

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Did he mean Ronnie didn’t deserve me? He didn’t deserve my stares? My heart? My tears? I don’t know, but I didn’t question it. I tried to focus on the teacher, her lecturing, but it just went in one ear and out the other.

I had a feeling, if this doesn’t clean up soon, that this will be a long year.