Playing With Fire

A month passed and it was safe to say that I was saved. Being with Nick was my cure; he was my savior. I felt carefree and beautiful inside and out, thanks to him. He made me feel special in every way and I was the luckiest girl alive to be able to call him mine.

“Guess what today is,” Nick said to me the moment I finished getting dressed that morning. He was leaning against the wall casually.

“Our one month anniversary,” I replied, beaming. He remembered.

He smiled at my reaction and leaned in to kiss me.

“I have something for you,” he said in between kisses. He made his way down my jaw line, moved to my neck, and then returned back to my lips, making my head spin.

He grabbed hold of my hand and sat me on his bed in the basement.

“Close your eyes,” he said, smiling with excitement. I did as I was told and then felt a long, rectangular shaped box in my hand. I swung open my lids and saw Nick grin.

“Open it,” he said.

I slid my fingers under the tape, ripping off the baby blue wrapping paper, and took off the top of the box. Inside was a necklace – a bright silver heart surrounded by a bigger heart, all made of tiny sparkling diamonds.

A heart in a heart.

My eyes welled up. “Nick, it’s so beautiful,” I said.

Nick grinned so hard that I could see almost every one of his pearly white teeth. He lifted the necklace out of the packaging and moved my hair all to one side, placing a gentle kiss on my neck. He positioned the necklace in place and snapped on the back.

“You’re beautiful,” he said.

I smiled and kissed him, twirling one of his curls around with my finger. He kept a safe distance from me because of Layla, who was much bigger in her sixth month.

“Now, my present to you,” I said to Nick as I kissed him, “is going to make her appearance in about an hour.”

Nick froze. “It’s today?” he asked, astonished. “The ultrasound?”

I nodded with a smile. “Your mom’s waiting in the car.”

He flaunted a gorgeous smile and took my hand, leading me upstairs. We got into the SUV and set off for the hospital. The whole way there, Nick sang to Layla and she kicked happily.

Once we got to the radiology department of the hospital, we had to sit in the waiting room while Mrs. Jonas explained to the secretary why my mother wasn’t with us. Nick helped me into a chair by the window and he sat down beside me.

“Look at those two, honey,” a lady across the room whispered to her husband, pointing to us, “Such irresponsible children. Tramps like that don’t deserve kids of their own.”

Nick tensed up next to me. I was well accustomed to comments like that. I’d had six months of them. But Nick wasn’t used to it yet. It bothered him to the point of rage. He got so angry.
I felt his breathing quicken.

“Nick, calm down,” I told him, rubbing his back, “Just ignore them.”

He took my hand and began playing with my fingers, which thankfully seemed to bring him back to normal. I watched as the lady and her husband continued to give us dirty looks. My heart secretly sank at the sight of their sickened faces.

“Okay, Ms. Chanel, we’re ready for you,” said the secretary from the front desk. A nurse in baby pink scrubs came out to get me. Mrs. Jonas and Nick stood up with me.

“Um, I’m sorry ma’am, but you can only have one person with you at a time,” the nurse said to me.

Nick looked at his mom with eyes that were begging to go along. It took a minute, but she finally caved in.

“Oh, alright, alright,” said Mrs. Jonas, touching her son’s face with her hand. Nick smiled largely and took my hand, walking with me into a room down the hall.

“Okay, Kara, my name is Maria and I’m going to be doing your ultrasound today,” the nurse said to me as she shut the door.

“Hi, Maria. This is Nick,” I said, motioning to Nick, who was standing next to me.

“Hello, Nick,” Maria smiled. “Go ahead and lay down, Kara. I’ll be right back,” she said, walking out of the room.

Nick helped me onto the plastic-covered bed situated in the middle of the room next to a machine and a screen. He pulled up a chair beside me and held my hand. His leg began to bounce uncontrollably.

I laughed. “You’re excited,” I said, stating the obvious.

He nodded with a smile. “I can’t wait,”

I smiled and squeezed his hand. He was even more excited than I was. Layla meant so much to him.

“I’ve never seen a baby through an ultrasound,” he said, “What’s it look like?”

“Black and white. Not too detailed,” I replied, “What about Frankie?”

“Mom never let us see Frankie. I think she was disappointed that he wasn’t cute yet,” he smirked.

I laughed and hit his head playfully.

“Okay, Kara, we’re all set,” Maria said as she opened the door, stepped inside, and shut it once again. “It’s a very quick procedure. Won’t take more than ten minutes.” She smiled warmly and sat down on a swivel chair beside the machine. She pulled out a dark blue tube and a pair of white gloves. She slipped the gloves on her hands and lifted my shirt up just enough to see my stomach. “This stuff’s a little cold at first, but it’s not too bad,” she said, smiling at me and rubbing the gel contents of the tube onto my stomach. It was like ice, making me flinch, but she was right – it wore off after a second or two. She put a rectangle shaped device over the gel and turned on the machine.

The screen came to life and it was a black and white fuzzy picture at first. Maria began to move the device around my stomach, searching for a good picture. Finally, we saw the head.

And it was beautiful.

“She’s still pretty small for six months, but I think you’re coming along just fine,” Maria said, “See, there’s her head. And there’s her heart.”

The screen showed a tiny, dark speck that was slowly beating in sync with mine. I felt my eyes widen and turned to look at Nick. His mouth was open in awe and I could see the wonder and sheer admiration in his eyes.

Both of us were absolutely, entirely speechless.

After the ultrasound, Maria gave me a printed copy of Layla’s first picture. Nick and I showed it to Mrs. Jonas, who beamed with happiness. After that, I couldn’t get it out of Nick’s hands.

Mrs. Jonas drove us to McDonald’s to pick up some breakfast and then back home, where she sat down in front of the TV to watch Ellen and Nick and I went down to the basement and cuddled on the couch, ignoring Joe’s traumatized looks.

“That’s so weird,” said Joe after he witnessed Nick kissing me, “Kara’s like, our sister!”

“Yeah, well she’s also my girlfriend, so suck it up,” Nick replied, kissing me again. I laughed.

“Well think of it this way, Joe. If Nick and Kara get married, then she’d really be our sister,” said Kevin. Nick and I both blushed.

Kevin and Joe laughed at our expressions.

“Just please, don’t kiss her around me, okay? She’s my baby sister,” said Joe to Nick.

“I’m not gonna not kiss my own girlfriend just ‘cause you said so, Joe,”

“Okay, but if I throw up all over the carpet, I’m telling Mom it was all your fault,” Joe replied.

“Ugh,” Nick groaned.

The boys and I decided to watch Star Trek on DVD to kill time. The boys groaned every time I marveled over Chris Pine, especially Nick, who struggled to find out what it was that was so great about him.

“He’s not even that good looking,” said Nick grumpily.

“Shut up, Nick, you’re just jealous that you don’t have your own starship,” said Joe.

Nick hit his brother and let his face fall. I turned to him, touching his face gently, and whispered, “Chris Pine’s got nothin’ on you, Nick. I love you,”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me.

“OH, NO! HERE IT COMES!” Joe yelled, pretending to throw up.

“Joe, you’re disgusting,” said Nick, smacking him upside the head.

I laughed at the boys and snuggled closer to Nick. He put a hand on Layla and we continued to watch the movie. When it ended, Nick and I decided to go for a walk to escape from Joe’s nagging.

It was July – the weather was humid in New Jersey, but it was a comfortable seventy five degrees that day. Nick and I slipped on our matching black Chucks and walked outside hand-in-hand.

“I’m sorry about Joe,” he said to me as we turned the corner into the rest of the neighborhood, “He’s a weirdo,”

I giggled. “Nah, it’s fine. I love that kid,” Nick began to swing our arms.

“But you love me more, right?” he asked playfully.

“Always,” I replied.

He smiled and kicked a rock. “Today was beyond amazing,”

“It was,” I looked down at Layla. “Do you still have the picture?”

He laughed. “Yeah, sorry,” He began to pull it out of his jean pocket.

“No, it’s okay. Keep it,” I said.

“Are you sure? It’s yours,”

“Yes, I’m sure. Seeing you look at it makes me happy,”

Nick smiled and kissed the top of my head. “I need to tell you something, Kara,” he said, smile fading.

“What is it?” I asked, worried.

He took a moment to reply. I stopped walking.

“Our first show is tomorrow,”

I beamed. “That’s wonderful! And here you were, getting me all anxious,” I said, punching him softly.

“Kara…” I could sense in Nick’s voice that he still hadn’t gotten over it. The fact that he got a
record deal still reminded him of what happened.

“Nick, stop,” I said to him sternly, “You were born to do this. You’re gonna go out there tomorrow and knock ‘em dead, okay?”

He looked into my eyes and then sighed, knowing that he’d lost. I smiled.

We continued to walk together, talking about random things.

“Oh, my God, that’s Mikenna Johnson’s house,” I exclaimed, pointing to a townhouse up the street. Mikenna used to be one of my best friends before the incident. She and I were almost as inseparable as Nick and I.

“Yeah, she still lives up there,” Nick said.

“She never talked to me again after what happened,” Nick pulled me closer to him, rubbing my arm.

Suddenly, our school came into focus from the distance. I smiled as I thought of the good memories I had of that school. Nick and I were freshman together, went to football games with Mikenna, joined the school band… Then we were sophomores and that’s when things changed.

“I don’t think I’ll be going back there next year,” said Nick.

“Me neither,” I touched my stomach.

“If this album works out, we’ll have to be home schooled or something. God, that’s gonna suck,” he said, “But Kara, you don’t have to worry. We’re all gonna help you with Layla, okay? You could go back if you wanted,”

I smiled. “Nick, I – ” I stopped.

I looked at the sidewalk across the street. I stopped breathing.

“Kara? What is it?” Nick hovered over me protectively.

“That was where it happened,” I replied, pointing to the bushes by the sidewalk, “Right there,”

A shudder went through Nick’s body as he let the thought run through his mind.

My heart began to pound as the memory flooded back into my mind for the first time in a month. My vision blurred with tears and I shut my eyes tight, not wanting to look at it anymore.

“Let’s get out of here,” Nick said in a strained voice. He was trying not to cry himself. He wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close, shielding me from the sight. The warmth of his body immediately brought me comfort. I clung to him.

We walked back to the house and went inside. Joe saw us from the living room window and met us at the door. “What happened?” he asked apprehensively. “What’s wrong with Kara?”

Nick didn’t respond. I looked up at him and saw that he was struggling to keep his breathing steady.

“I’m fine, Joe,” I said in a shaky voice. I didn’t want him to be afraid, even if I wasn’t being very convincing.

Nick gently sat me down on the leather couch and disappeared, most likely to calm himself down. I knew the last thing he wanted was for me to see him upset. Joe sat down beside me and started rubbing my back with a concerned look on his face. He was reassuring, but without Nick, the wound was slowly being ripped apart once again.

“Nick,” I called out to him, desperate to feel him and have him erase the pain. “Nick!”

“I’m right here, baby,” I heard his voice say, “Right here,” I felt him sit down and pull me firmly to his chest and his sweet scent brought me relief. I took a deep breath and held onto him.

I didn’t know why it was, but with Nick, I felt no pain. He was uplifting and heartening like no one else. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve remained the traumatized Kara. The tiniest things reminded me of what happened. But I realized that as long as Nick was around, I was safe. I couldn’t explain it. I needed him more than he’d ever know.

With Nick around, nothing and no one could touch me.