After Snow

November
Every day was a routine. I woke up, took a shower and ate breakfast. I went to school then back home, until it was time for ‘summer’ break and I stayed home all the time. Unless forced by Mom to go out. Doing anything that risked reminding me of something just wasn’t worth it. The pain just was too much to bear.

December
The dreams that stopped a while about, were coming back. I stopped trying to sleep due to the fear of these dreams. I was sleep deprived and I slowly started to eat less and less. Living was just too much of a burden. I knew I deserved to suffer in a slow and painful way.

January
I ate less and less. I think Mom was suspecting something. Ricardo was worried because I looked thin and pale. I told him Mom was in a healthy-mode stage. He believed me and cheered me up. I just smiled and laughed for his sake, but when I got home, I threw up all I had that day. As a punishment for lying to my best friend.

Now...
As I slowly walked down the stairs, my vision doubled and I had a deep nausea. Before I realized it, my eyes had closed and my body wouldn’t answer to my commands. All I remember was falling down and the feeling of the hard wooden stairs against my head.

Beep, beep, beep, beep..

I slowly opened my eyes and there were bright white lights around me. I groaned at the brightness and stirred around. I noticed a dark shadow in the room and realized it was Ricardo.

“Hey man,” He greeted.

“Where am I?” I groggily asked.

“Hospital,” He whispered. My heart rate sped up and remember how close I was.

“Oh,” Was all I managed to say.

“Yeah, ‘Oh’,” He muttered. The room went dead silent and there was a tension in between us.

“You know.. You aren’t the only that has it hard, you know?” Ricardo broke the silence.

“Huh?”

“You aren’t the only one that is so fucking upset about this whole situation. We all are. The whole fucking school and this damned town are angry too,”

“You don’t get it,”

“Oh, stop being a little bitch about this, Will! Who do you think has it harder? You or Lia?” He growled and her name dug deep into my flesh. I looked away and pretended not to hear.

“Stop ignoring every fucking problem that comes in you way, how could you be so heartless and leave her like that?”

“I didn’t leave her.. It’s just that.. I couldn’t take it,”

“Oh, but Lia can? I thought you loved her, but clearly I was fucking wrong,” Ricardo growled looking away.

“I do love her! You just don’t fucking get it,”

“Oh yeah? Well, how about growing some balls and at least tell her why you left her, huh?”

“I-I don’t know why I left her,” I whispered.

“You know what? Fuck this. Fuck this and fuck you. I can’t believe I ever considered you my friend. You’re just a douche bag with no balls to at least be honest,” Ricardo’s voice raised. He glared at me and walked out of the room, slamming the door close.

I looked up at the ceiling, thoughtful. My heart was pounding harder and I swallowed my fears. I pressed the button to call the nurse and after a few minutes, she showed up. I asked her to take me to the Neurology hallway. She did as I asked. I took deep breaths and tried calming myself down. I needed to see her. I wanted to see her.

“What room?” The nurse asked.

“The second to last,”

We walked into the room and I looked to where the bed was. Her beautiful radiant hair was dull. Her eyes blank looking out the window. I couldn’t help but smile knowing she was close. She sighed and looked down to her stomach. My eyes followed her gaze and I unwillingly gasped. Lia looked up and her eyes widen in horror. They mirrored mine.

“W-William.. W-What are you doing here?” She asked panicked, placing her arms over her stomach trying to hide it.

“What is..? I mean, is that..?” I chocked on my words.

“I-I.. You.. And then.. I didn’t.. You can’t...” She rambled incoherently.

“Is it mine?” I asked, swallowing hard. She looked away, mumbling random things.

“Is it, or is it not?” I asked aggravated. She just nodded, weakly. I sighed.

“Why didn’t you tell me..?” I asked, motioning the nurse that I was going to be fine on my own.

“Because.. Because you left..” I could hear her voice breaking.

“I left, but not you,” I pushed myself towards Lia’s bed.

“I thought I disgusted you. Mom said that I was disgusting, and she left.. I thought you’d hate me too,”

I lifted my hand and placed it on her pale cheek.

“Lia, I love you. I can’t seem to make myself stay away from you. I thought I hated you for a while, but you somehow managed to chance my opinion in less than a week?” I chuckled. She looked down, sad.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can I.. Is it ok if I.. keep him?” She whispered, smothering her stomach. I intently looked at her stomach as well.

“It’s a boy?” I asked in monotone. I looked up to Lia and noticed her eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall any second now.

“Yes,”

“Can we share him?” I asked, smiling. I lifted her chin, she looked lost for a few seconds before a smile broke through.

“Really?” She asked excitedly.

“Or better yet.. Can we.. Um..” I felt embarrassed all of the sudden. Lia looked at her stomach with a soft smile, so grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach.

“Baby, we’re going to be a family. Mama, Papa and you. We’re going to be a happy family, so grow up healthy and when you’re here with us, be sure to smile a lot,” Lia giggled. My heart couldn’t help but race at the happiness I felt. I was going to be a dad. That scared me a little bit, since I didn’t have a fatherly figure while growing up.

“Hey Lia?” I hesitantly spoke.

“Hm?” Was her reply.

“Do you think I could be a good father?” I looked at her cautiously. She looked up, and stared a me like she was measuring me.

“When Dad found out about me being.. Pregnant.. He wanted to know who’s was it. I told him and he got mad. He was furious, and I was afraid he might want me to do something I didn’t want. I talked to him about it, I asked him if he wanted me to have an abortion. He said, ‘That’s a baby, Lia. Not a toy you an just throw away. It was God’s wish to give you this child. Besides, that is my grandchild. I thought I’d never have one,’ He was so accepting. After the doctors told him the baby wasn’t going to be born right, that he might have problems but he never changed his mind. ‘That is my daughter’s son and my grandson, he is going to grow up to be as strong as his mother.’ His faith in me gave me courage. Then you, you found out so unexpectedly. You didn’t get angry or upset. You didn’t yell or thought of a way out. Instead you cared and accepted him without a second thought. That’s why I believe you are going to be the best father this little boy could ever ask for,” She smiled. I slowly, careful not to lose my balance, got on the bed and layed besides her. I kissed her softly, causing her to blush.

“Do you think I’m going to be a good mom?”

“Pfft, do you really need to ask that? You haven’t killed me because you have the patience of the world, so this kid scored bit, and his mom is hot!” I winked at her. Her eyes widen, and her face turned a deep shade of red. Embarrassed, she turned away.

I laughed, ‘Man, you’re cute.”

“I-I.. Um.. Ah..” She stuttered. I leaned in closely to the point where our lips were barely touching.

“I’ve gotta teach you how to take a compliment,” I whispered, before fully kissing her.

I'm going to be a dad, was the thought that kept filling my mind.