Remember Rev

(2nd update of 1.17.10)
When I found out about Jimmy's death, it felt like my heart being ripped in two. I had never met him or even seen Avenged live since I've always been too young at the time. I'm 15 now but when I first discovered them I was about 11 or 12.

I was going through a really shitty time in my life, dealing with depression is not easy and music was my sanctuary. What got me addicted to A7X was the drumming and guitars. They were so powerful and I felt alive when listening to them.

I eventually got over my depression by my Freshmen year of high school. I had stopped listening to them by then. I never heard their music, I refused to listen to them. I have no clue as to why.

Then the day came that I found out about Jimmy having died. I sobbed for a while, asking why it had to happen to someone so young. Why not some terrorist or a child molester or a murderer. Not sweet, funny, talented Jimmy.

That day, I grabbed my Avenged Sevenfold CD and downloaded it back onto my iTunes. I was surprised that I still remember the songs, lyric for lyric, guitar solo for guitar solo. It was like I had never stopped listening to them.

Then I felt guilty, almost like it was my fault. If I hadn't stopped listening to them, maybe Jimmy would still be here. I talked to my therapist about this, she told me that it's normal to feel guilty during loss. I believe I'm over the stages of loss but I'm still slightly in denial.

Recently, I woke up from a dream and started crying. In my dream, many things happened that were irrelevant but what made me cry was Jimmy was in my dream. I had asked the band to sign and old piece of paper, but Jimmy didn't. When they all left, I went up to him and asked him individually. He smiled and said sure and this is what he wrote. I'm serious, I'm not making this shit up, he said;

Don't be afraid to see the light.- Zaaaaaacky jk lol

Not even kidding. I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and what he wrote stuck in my head. I asked all of my friends about it but they had no clue.

It still frightens me. But I wouldn't have changed my dream in anyway, as scary as it was. Just to see his smile was enough. To feel him hold me, it was so vivid, I felt like I was awake.

I miss Jimmy dearly and the tribute video made me laugh and cry. He was one crazy mofo but he was so talented. I pray to god that Avenged Sevenfold doesn't give up and keep going with the band. I think Jimmy would have wanted it that way.

I love you Jimmy and I hope your chasing those Stallion Ducks up in heaven ;D