Sink Into Me

“Taylor?” Hayden questioned, snapping me back to reality.

“Huh?”

“Are you…okay?” She asked, concerned.

I shrugged it off, I was fine, wasn’t I?

“Yeah I’m fine, lets just get this over with” I sighed as we took the dreaded walk towards Adam and his new…friend.

“Adam the guys want to talk to you” I said quietly.

Yeah that’s right, quietly, I’m never quiet.

But I got no response, he was too busy with his new friend.

“ADAM!” I shouted.

That got his attention.

“WHAT?!” He screeched.

“The guys want to talk to you!” I shouted.

“Fine, you can go now” he spat.

“Fuck you, Lazzara!” I shot back as I spun on my heel and walked away, pulling Hayden with me in the process.

I needed air, desperately.

“Come on, lets go outside for a minute” Hayden said as she pulled me through the crowds of people and out through one of the doors.

I sat down on one of the steps and sighed. I didn’t know what was happening, especially not what I felt back there.

“What’s wrong, Tay?” Hayden asked as she sat down next to me.

“I really don’t know” I sighed.

“Taylor…you’re crying” She stated.

“What?” I said, utterly confused.

She placed her finger under my left eyelid and caught the tear, showing me.

“What the hell?!” I shrieked.

I was horrified.

“I may have only known you for half an hour but I know something is wrong and it’s pretty obvious you can’t stand Adam”

I sighed and explained the whole story to her, about how Adam and I used to get along and how it all changed, and how we can only act civil to each other when it’s just us.

“You liked him, am I right?” she questioned.
“What-how? I-” I stammered.

“It’s not obvious or anything, but I can see” She chuckled.

“Yeah well, that was a long time ago” I retorted.

“Are you sure about that?” She questioned.

The truth be told, I wasn’t anymore.

“I honestly don’t know, I mean I thought so, but just then, something clicked I guess”

“Come here” she said as she pulled me in for a hug.

In about the half an hour I’d known Hayden, she’d already become one of my closest friends, normally it takes a while for me to decide if a person is a close or even best friend because I have trust issues, but I knew I could trust Hayden, I mean, I didn’t even tell her I used to like Adam but she knew straight away, and she knew there was something wrong too, I didn’t even know there was anything really wrong at first, especially when that tear fell from my eye, which was just crazy.

“Thanks Hayden” I smiled sincerely.

“Anytime” she smiled.

We just sat there for a bit, both of us wrapped up in our own thoughts.

“Hey I’ve got to go for a bit considering I have no idea what I’m doing ha-ha, are you going to be okay out here?” she questioned as she got up and brushed herself off.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” I reassured her.

“I’ll catch you in a bit” She smiled as she disappeared back inside.

I had no idea what was going on, since when did anything Adam said or did bother me? I mean bother me enough for me to actually shed a tear for the bastard? That’s what scared me the most, all the emotions I felt only about fifteen minutes ago scared me because I had no idea what they were. I couldn’t stand the guy, even more so now for reasons I couldn’t comprehend but it was just freaky…way freaky.

“Hi..” I heard from behind me.

I knew at once that voice belonged to Adam, and the unexplained emotions took over me once again.

“What do you want Adam?” I spat, not bothering to turn around and face him.

“Jeeze, you’re even more bitchier than usual” he spat.

“Look, if you’re just going to waste your breath do us both a favour and fuck off” I retaliated.

“If that’s the way you want to be then fine!”

I got up off of the step and turned around to face him.

“If that’s how I want to be?! You’re such a fucking asshole! Grow up Adam!” I spat.

“Fuck you, Taylor! I actually came out here just to talk!”

“Yeah, sure you did, why would you want to talk to me anyway?!” I snarled.

“I was actually going to say sorry for being harsh earlier, but now I don’t think it’s fucking worth it!” He screamed.

“You?! Saying sorry?! Yeah, that’ll be the day Adam, since when have you ever given a shit about what you’ve said to me?!”

“I-”

“Well?!” I demanded, cutting him off.

“You know what, you’re not fucking worth it”

“Yeah the feeling’s fucking mutual! Why don’t you go and find the girl you were all over?!” I shot back.

“I think I will actually, fuck you, Taylor! I hate you!”

I hate to admit it, but the way he said it did actually hurt.

“I-” I didn’t know what to say, I really didn’t.

“Taylor..I-” Adam started but I cut him off.

“No, you shut the fuck up and stay away from me, you understand?!” I spat as harshly as I could.

“But-” I cut him off once again.

“Just go Adam, just go.”

He looked at me once more, an expression I couldn’t read playing on his face, then he turned and went back inside.

I couldn’t help but sit back in my previous position and cross my arms over my legs and place my head there and just sob quietly to myself.
I honestly didn’t know why I was crying, I guess it was the fact that whenever I’d said I hate him before I never actually meant it, because hate is a strong word but I had to keep my guard up, especially around my enemy, but it was just the way he said it that got to me.

“Taylor?!” A voice I recognised as Lidia’s exclaimed as she sat down next to me, automatically pulling me into a hug.

“Hey” I chuckled half heartedly.

“What’s happened?!” She shrieked.

I sniffled as I explained everything to her as she listened intently, that’s what I loved about Lidia, she’d always listen to everything you’d say.

“Tay…are you sure you don’t have feelings for Adam?”

“In all honesty I don’t know anything anymore, I‘m so confused” I shrugged as I rested my head on her shoulder.

“He’s a dickhead regardless, for doing this”

“Did he find you guys in the end?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah he did, he seemed really weird, though” she sighed.

“Thanks for always being there, Lid” I sighed.

“It’s no problem, you’re always there for me” She smiled.

I had no idea what to do, no idea at all. But one thing was for sure, I was going to avoid Adam Lazzara at all costs.