Sink Into Me

I would’ve given anything to be somewhere or be someone else at that moment in time, anything.
Lidia shook her head and smirked at me, mouthing “I told you so” I just sighed in response. I then realised that Adam was still hugging me which made me feel a little uneasy.

“You can let go now” I whispered hurriedly as I removed my hands from around him.

“Why?” he questioned as he tightened his grip.

“Because you’re making me feel uneasy!” I glared as he let go of me.

“Not interrupting anything am I?” Lidia smirked.

I tell you something, if looks could kill, she would’ve been killed in an instant.

“Oh hey Lidia!” Adam waved enthusiastically.

I looked at him sceptically, what the fuck was wrong with this guy?

Lidia just laughed and waved in response.

I coughed awkwardly “Anyway, is everyone ready to eat now?” I questioned as I moved away from Adam.

“Actually, everyone already has, Matt and the guys have all gone back upstairs to sort things out for tomorrow” she answered.

I suddenly knew how to get myself out of this awkward situation.

“Okay well I’m going to go and order room service, goodnight and goodbye!” I announced as I quickly walked up the hotel stairs, only to get grabbed by Lidia who whispered; “we’ll talk later” I just rolled my eyes as I walked through the doors quickly.

Great. There was no way I was going to be able to just relax.

As I made the all now too familiar journey across the lobby and into one of the elevators as it opened. I selected the floor I wanted and as the doors were closing I just leant back against the side of it and sighed, What was happening to me? I mean okay, I could admit my feelings for Adam had risen again but I still thought about him in the same way, about how I couldn’t stand him, that part is what I really couldn’t grasp, but there was one thing I did know, I was not going to tell him. The “ding” of the elevator and the doors opening brought me back to reality as I walked slowly to my destination. Sliding the card in the door I turned the doorknob and stepped inside, closing it behind me as I trudged over to my bed and collapsed face first on top of it. I didn’t realise I’d fallen asleep until a knock on the door startled me as I pushed myself up into a sitting position and rubbed my eyes. Another knock sounded and I groaned loudly, pushing myself off of the bed to answer it. I twisted the doorknob and pulled the door opened, surprised.

“What are you doing here?” I questioned as I rubbed my left eye slightly.

“I just figured that considering you didn’t eat you might be hungry” Adam mumbled as he presented a box of pizza from behind his back.

I just raised an eyebrow. This was too creepy.

“More to the fact that if you die from starvation I don’t want to be blamed for it” He scoffed as he pushed the pizza box into my hand.

That was more like it.

“Uh, well, thanks?” I questioned.

“Don’t mention it. Lidia‘s with us, she‘ll be back soon I guess” He said as he began to walk away.

I watched his retreating figure in confusion as he walked down the hall back to his room. I furrowed my eyebrows as I closed the door and just stared at the pizza box. Why in his right mind would Adam bring me pizza? He’d probably poisoned it or something, I thought to myself. I sat down on my bed and crossed my legs as I lifted up the lid of the box. It just looked like a normal pepperoni pizza, which made me even more suspicious. I mean, why would Adam even consider buying me pizza? It’s just strange, not that I was complaining, I had free pizza.
Come to think of it, it was quite sweet I thought as I found myself smiling slightly. No, Taylor. Adam was not sweet, nor does he ever make sweet gestures, but with those thoughts pushed aside, I guess it was sweet, in a weird and creepy way.
I was interrupted from eating as the door opened, revealing Lidia, who as I’d guessed would be, was smirking.

“Leave it out, Lid” I laughed as I began to eat another slice.

“Nu-uh, I said we were going to talk, although first, where did you get the pizza?” she questioned.

Shit.

“Oh, room service” I lied.

“Room service delivers it in a box?” She asked as she raised her eyebrow at me.

I wasn’t going to exactly tell her, was I? I mean come on, it’d give her something else to talk about.

“They did this time, I don’t know, maybe they do here” I lied as I shrugged, taking another bite.

“Mhm, well anyway, why were you and Adam hugging?” She asked as she took a piece of pizza from the box.

“I was just telling him how much I can’t stand him and how much he irritates me and he just hugged me out of no-where” I scoffed as I tried to play it off.

“Maybe he feels a little remorseful?” She laughed.

“I hope that’s what it was” I chuckled half heartedly.

Lie.

“Taylor, you need to stop playing things off as if they’re nothing” She sighed.

That’s the second time I’d heard that in one day.

“Funny, I’ve already been told that once” I laughed.

“Let me guess, by Adam?” she questioned.

I just nodded in response as I took another bite of pizza.

“Well he’s right, you do need to stop, you tend to miss things” She said, looking at me intently.

That’s the second time I’d heard that, too.

“I don’t miss anything” I replied confidently.

At least, that’s what I thought.

“Taylor stop hiding it, I know you realised you like him again today, it’s written all over your face from where I’m standing, it’s not obvious to everyone, but it’s obvious to me, just tell me”

“I just don’t understand how I do like him again, I mean, I still think of him as the same cocky arrogant asshole as I did before, I just don’t know, but yes, okay? I do” I admitted.

“You’re not planning on telling him either, are you?” She asked.

I sighed as I finished off my slice of pizza “Of course I’m not going to, I’m not stupid enough to do something like that”

“There you go again, you don’t know it’s stupid Taylor, you’re not even willing to try!” She exclaimed as she chucked her pizza crust in the box.

“No, I’m not willing to try, it’s hard enough for me to admit it to myself, let alone say anything” I said stubbornly.

She just sighed in response and looked at me.

“Carpe Diem, Taylor”

What?

“What?” I questioned as I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“It means seize the day, I guess you’re never going to know, are you?”

“Know what?”

“If he feels the same way you do” She shrugged.

I laughed in response “I doubt that very much, but no, I’m never going to know as I’m not saying anything, and I know you won’t” I confirmed.

“You’re right, I won’t, but you should really stop being so stubborn” She chuckled.

“It’s how I roll” I laughed.

After that awkward conversation finally came to an end we just sat and talked about everything off subject. I know it sounds totally and completely boring but it actually wasn’t, I was just thankful that Lidia had realised there was no winning that argument with me and that I wasn’t going to say anything, although, throughout the night those two words seemed to keep racing around my head and I didn’t seem to understand why, it was strange, and it was clear they weren’t going to just suddenly disappear like they‘d never been there.

Carpe Diem.