Sink Into Me

I was slowly losing my mind, that was a fact. Over the last few days things hadn’t gotten any better, infact, Adam even began to invite Cindy around whilst we were all there, he knew he could do it because even though Matt was my cousin, Adam was his band mate and unfortunately his best friend, and he was stuck in a very awkward position. It wasn’t even that he didn’t want to say no to Adam because he did say it, it was the fact that Adam had stooped to a new low which I didn’t even know was possible, and it made Matt furious, I don’t blame him though, because Adam had started saying that if Cindy couldn’t come over he’d considering leaving the band which no-one wanted, he was being so unfair, and I hated seeing Matt as torn as he was.
None of us wanted her in the house, or either of them for that matter, but we couldn’t do much about it unless they wanted Taking Back Sunday to be without a lead singer. Hayden had threatened to punch Cindy so many times I’d lost count but nothing ever came of it unfortunately, considering Adam was always there. She’d developed a hate for Adam, I didn’t even think she was capable of hating anyone except Cindy, and also considering Adam was the first one of us she’d met back when we went to the fair but it seemed that that didn’t bother her in the slightest anymore, she didn’t tell anyone why she disliked him now though, not even me.
Cindy was driving everyone crazy, she’d pretend to try and be civil and try and wedge her way in to being friends with all of us, well except me and Hayden, but no-one was having any of it which made it very entertaining, especially as every time she’d try and sit beside someone that wasn’t Adam they’d get up and walk off, much to her dismay.
What’s worse though is that I enjoyed my own company, and usually that isn’t a bad thing, but it could be in aspects. I was leaving to go home on Monday, and considering it was Wednesday and I hadn’t gotten a proper look of New York yet I decided that I wanted to go and look around for myself, like I said, I enjoyed my own company and I was perfectly content by going around by myself as I got to take everything in, but with it being me, I’d lost track of time and it was eight thirty in the evening before I knew it, and it was starting to get dark so figured I’d better make my way home before it got dark, but with it being me once again I didn’t walk all that fast as I felt that I had nothing urgent to hurry back to, so I figured what the hell.
Once I was about ten minutes away from the house I checked my watch to see that it was only eight forty five so I came to the decision that there was nothing wrong with me going to Starbucks quickly as they shut at nine, just so that I could get a Mocha Latte to keep me happy whilst I walked the ten minute walk from there back to Matt’s.
As I walked out of Starbucks with my Latte in hand I started to feel a little uneasy as I made my way home, I had no idea why at the time, but I just felt the need to pick up the pace a little, nothing drastic, but I couldn’t shake that feeling that I was being followed. Although every time I turned around there was no-one or nothing there, I just figured it was my mind playing tricks on me and that I had nothing to worry about, well, that was until I turned around once more and noticed someone with their hood up keeping their distance from me, but still in sight. I picked up the pace drastically this time until I was speed walking as fast as I could, I didn’t want to run though as it could’ve just been someone walking up the sidewalk on a Wednesday night, but as I noticed their pace quicken too as I looked over my shoulder yet again I began to run. I didn’t care that I was spilling my Latte all down me, I didn’t dare look back, I just kept running, feeling a lump rise in my throat as my heart thumped continuously in my chest, it was the only sound I could hear, I may not have been the fittest person in the world, but there’s something about when you’re scared that your adrenaline kicks in, and that’s what was definitely happening to me and I ran as fast as I could back to Matt’s.
Even when I reached that all familiar doorstep I didn’t bother to look around or to even close the door behind me as I ran up the flight of stairs as I ignored the calls of everyone behind me I ran into my room and shut the door behind me. I slid down the back of the door and took a deep breath. I couldn’t think straight, I just sat with my back to the door as I tried to come to some sort of theory as to why that just happened, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was all one big misunderstanding I couldn’t convince myself at all. I sighed and pushed myself up off of the floor, I decided to take the time before someone came up to investigate to get in the shower and change my clothes and attempt to erase what’d just happened in my head. I grabbed a tank top and sweatpants and got in the shower, locking the door behind me. I just stood there under the hot water and sighed, I realised I couldn’t tell anyone, they’d just think that I was being paranoid and that it was nothing to worry about, and even if they didn’t think that I didn’t want to make anyone concerned as we all had enough to deal with about the Adam and Cindy situation, no-one needed this on top of that, so I came to the conclusion that it was best to keep myself to myself.
I got out of the shower and got changed as I unlocked the door to walk back into my room, only to be met with the sight of Hayden examining my Latte stained shirt.

“What’s wrong, Taylor? And don’t say nothing because I know you” She stated.

“Nothing’s wrong, I went sight-seeing then went to Starbucks, and decided to jog home as it’s quite cold, but I’ve learnt you should never jog with a Mocha Latte in your hand, as you can see” I lied as I pointed to my shirt.

She raised her eyebrow suspiciously. “Are you sure that’s what happened?”

I gulped a little. “Of course it is, I wouldn’t lie about something not important like that” I laughed.

I never knew I was such a good liar, not that that was a good thing of course.

“Okay, if you’re sure…” She trailed off, still looking at me.

“Will you quit looking at me like that? I’ve told you what happened” I said as I took the shirt out of her hands and tossed it to the side.

“Okay calm down” She said as she held her arms up in defence.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired” I lied.

“Taylor, you’ve slept all day.. not to mention you’re a little on edge”

“I’m not on edge” I defended.

“Yeah, and I’m friends with Barbie”

I couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I’m fine, Hayd. Really.”

“Okay okay I’ll drop it, anyway did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, it was great thanks” I smiled.

For once in my life I was having a half awkward conversation with Hayden, the person who always had my back, my best friend, I contemplated telling her but I couldn’t bring myself to.

“Everyone’s downstairs, don’t worry, Adam and Barbie aren’t here, we’re all just watching a movie if you want to come down? You don’t have to if you’re tired though, Matt was going to come up and see you but I said I’d come and see you first, incase it was something else” she smiled.

I leaned forward and hugged her gently, the fact that she cared so much about me made everything feel a lot better.

“Whoa what did I say?” she joked as she wrapped her arms around me.

“Nothing” I laughed “I think I’m going to give it a miss though, I think I’m gonna just go to bed” I smiled as I broke the hug.

“Okay, well I’ll see you later, or in the morning, depends on if you’re asleep or not” She grinned as she got off the bed.

“Night Hayd” I chuckled softly as she walked towards the door.

“Night oh short one” She smirked as she opened to door hurriedly then closed it so I couldn’t chase after her.

I found it so difficult to sleep that night, my mind was working overtime, and when I eventually managed to get to sleep, I found myself waking up in a sweat from a dream of what’d happened previously that night.

“Taylor, are you okay?” Hayden asked concerned as she sat up on the floor.

I took a quick glance and realised that it was five thirty in the morning.

“Yeah, sorry. I just had a bad dream” I reassured.

“Okay, well, go back to sleep, I’m sure it‘ll be okay the second time round” She smiled as she led back down on the floor.

I rolled over and sighed. The truth was, I didn’t know if it would be okay, I was worried..very worried.