How A Heart Breaks

I watch as his eyelids droop to a close, my heart beating erratically inside of my chest. My lips feel as though they are on fire, and I briefly run my fingertips over them with a light smile etched onto my face. I just stare at Porter, suddenly feeling real young again, like I was in grade one and he was my first crush. I find my smile beginning to stretch out wider. I feel unbelievably love sick- I’m never going to leave his side again.

“Happy now, lover boy?” It’s Nathan, obviously. The only one of them who would really bother to be making jokes at a time like this. I roll my eyes and growl, but his words do spark guilt. It almost seems as if he’s saying ‘happy now? Look what you’ve done’, although I know he doesn’t mean it that way. Still, my head falls down to my lap, where I play with my hands like a little child getting scolded.

“Hey,” Nathan says, his voice suddenly soft, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” His foot steps are just barely heard as he makes his way over to me and lets his hand settle on my shoulder. I sigh, and look at him.

“I know,” I say. “But…”

“Nope!” He pops the ‘p’, “no ‘buts’. It’s not your fault at all.” I know it’s not my fault, but I feel like I could have at least stopped it from getting this damn far. I probably shouldn’t have left at all. I throw Nathan a week smile, my sky-high mood from the kiss suddenly gone with the wind. Nathan asks me if I want a drink, says he ‘s going to bring me water either way. I chuckle and shake my head as I watch him bounce out of the room. He’s always got that damn skip in his step.

I roll my eyes at him and look back over at Porter and rest my hand on his. I know one this is for sure- I’ll be here when he wakes up and I’ll be here as long as he wants me.

It took a lot of convincing from Porter to assure everyone that he didn’t need to attend a rehabilitation centre. He said it just wasn’t necessary, as he hadn’t even been doing drugs for that long. That’s what he told Nathan, Hayde, Julian and I, at least. When the doctors had suggested it, however, he assured them that someone had slipped powder in his drink, and he hadn’t realized it- he assured them that he hadn’t a clue how that amount of drugs got into his system. Guess Porter is a better liar than I thought.

Although, I had tried to talk him into going to rehab, part of me (the selfish one) did not want him to leave at all. I mean, now that I practically had him, I wanted him to stay right here, by my side. I never wanted to leave him again. Besides, I guess I knew enough about drugs to help him recover from the withdrawls. I mean, I could take care of him, plus Nathan, Julian and Hayden would surely help out.

“Okay,” A groggy voice sounded, “We can go.” When we all look in front of us, Porter is there. And, despite his groggy, slightly scratchy voice, he had a huge smile on his face, and he was staring directly at me. I smirk, standing to my feet, which has him practically running over to me and jumping into my body. I catch him around the waist while his legs wrap around mine. Don’t know where he got all this damn energy. I laugh lightly, holding him tighter.

“Aw!” The others sing in unison, making me roll my eyes and I hear Porter growl. He then brings his face away from the crook in my neck to bring it in front of my face. He grins widely before placing a jokingly sloppy kiss to my lips, pulling away just as I had started to respond. I scrunched up my face and set him on the floor.

“Disgusting,” I scowl. Porter rolls his eyes, and grabs my hand, sending jolts throughout my whole body. I feel as though I was struck by lightening. We look over at the guys, sporting large smiles and they laugh, shaking their heads.

“Finally, you two.” Julian stands first, and walks over to Porter, giving him a hug. “Glad you’re okay.” Porter releases my hand and hugs him back. I watch as Hayden and Nathan stand up.

“Won’t be for long,” Hayden mumbles, hugging Porter as soon as Julian releases him. I glare.

“Well, jeeze, Hayden,” Porter says sarcastically, “Thanks for the support.” They pull away from each other and Hayden shrugs.

“Just telling the truth,” he says, “Withdrawls aren’t a walk in the park. My dad used to do Cocaine- it was horrible.” We all just stare at him, but I’m sure Porter is the only one of us who knew that about Hayden. Porter just frowns and looks over at Nathan.

“What?” He says, “No hu-” He’s cut off as Nathan launches into Porters’ arms. Porter laughs breathlessly. “love you too, man.” His voice is sounding clearer by the minute.

“Alright!” I call, “Can we leave this place?” They all nod furiously and Porter reattaches his hand to mine, and we follow the three others out of the hospital.

“Sorry,” he says. I shrug, not exactly wishing to speak about everything that lead to him overdosing.

“No, really,” he says, “I’m sorry for everything. And that I realized too late.”

I quirked a brow, “Realized what?”

Sending me a grin, and a squeeze to my hand, he says, “that I like you.” He looks up at me, smiling and batting his eyelashes jokingly. He sounds like a fourth grader with the words he says, I like you, but I appriciate them, none the less.

My heart leaps into my throat, and I try to fight down a blush. I don’t say anything to him, I just let go of his hand and put my arm around him instead. The whole time I’m thinking: Well, I love you.