Light Me On Fire

As the night went on, the incident between John and I was forgotten and things had gotten back to normal. I sat on the grass with Kelsi and we watched the boys as they played cornhole. We had tried to play with them, but after a string of put downs and hearing ‘you suck!’, we opted to sit out. I pulled a cigarette from my pocket and lit it, setting my pack and lighter down on the table beside me. Tim, Pat’s older brother, was in charge of cooking the food and Kelsi and I had decided on teasing him.

“Tim, you’re burning the fucking hot dogs! They’re almost all black!” Kelsi told him.

He made a face before taking a few off the grill. “Happy?”

She shrugged and looked at me, smiling.

“Actually, you’re pretty much burning the fucking hamburgers too. You should just let us cook it for you,” I said.

He groaned in frustration and held up the long, silver poker he had been using. “Be my guest, if you’re just going to sit there and bitch at me.”

With a laugh, Kelsi got up and took over cooking the meat. Tim joined the guys in their game and I took a drag of my cigarette, letting it sit in my throat for a good while before exhaling. It was a beautiful evening in Tempe. Though there wasn’t a breeze to be felt in the air, the sun was just beginning to set, illuminating the sky with shades of pink, orange and yellow. I felt a smile growing on my face and I stared at the scenery before me, not really noticing much else.

“You okay?” John’s voice startled me and I looked at him.

“Yeah, just enjoying the sunset.”

He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” I sighed and tapped my cigarette, letting the ashes fall to the ground.

“Um, Sophie?”

I looked at him. “What?”

“About earlier, I’m sorry, again.”

I furrowed my brows in confusion. “For what?”

“You know . . . for holding your hand.”

I let out a small laugh. “It’s fine, JohnO. Really, don’t worry about it.”

He nodded his head and we continued to watch the sunset together. I had to admit, it felt wonderful just sitting there with him, staring into the sky. We hadn’t been sitting for more than five minutes, though, when a loud gasp caught our attentions. I turned my head towards the entrance of the backyard and saw a shocked and hurt Elle standing on the grass.

“Ellie, what’re you doing here?” John was the first to ask.

She looked as if she were about to cry as she eyed all of us. “I – I came to give this to Tim. It’s from Lydia.”

Lydia was Elle’s older sister and Tim’s girlfriend. Tim ran over to her and grabbed a white envelope from her hands; most likely, it was a stack of letters, being that Lydia was off in England, studying medicine at college.

“Thank you, Elle!” Tim told her and placed a kiss on her cheek.

She shook her head. “What are you doing here?” she asked John.

“Um, well . . . we – we were just-“

“You were having a party without me. You don’t have to explain. I get it.” She shook her head side-to-side. “I get it. I’m the bitch, right? I’m the bitch who no one wants to be around!” She began to cry and before any of us could say anything, she turn around and ran off.

John sighed as he stood up and brushed the grass off his jeans. “I better go talk to her.”

I stood up quickly and shook my head. “Let me do it.”

“But I’m her boyfriend,” he told me.

“And? I’m her best friend. Just trust me, John.”

He opened his mouth, as if he were going to protest, but shut it quickly, giving me a nod. I ran out to the front yard and saw Ellie sitting in her shiny, silver 2009 Lexus LS. I shook my head and sighed as I walked over to the driver’s side.

“Elle, open the door.”

She shook her head as she looked at me; dark black mascara running down her cheeks.

I leaned down, putting my face in the window. “Open the fucking door, Ellie.”

She knew I was being serious and she opened the door. I squatted down and looked at her.

“Am I that horrible, Sophie?”

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. “You’re not horrible, Elle.”

“Then why didn’t you guys invite me?” she asked. “You invited everyone else but me.”

“It wasn’t my party, Ellie. I didn’t know you weren’t invited,” I lied.

She shook her head and wiped her cheeks. “You could’ve called me.”

I bit my tongue and swallowed the words that wanted to leap out of my mouth. Instead, I offered her a smile and rubbed the small of her back. I figured, that would be the friendlier thing to do.

“Ellie, I think the guys just wanted a drama-free night.”

She pulled away and looked at me. “So I always cause drama? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

I rolled my eyes. “Those words never left my mouth.”

“But that’s what you meant to say!” she yelled.

This was why I sighed at the sight of Ellie’s Lexus. Her parents spoiled her too damn much, and it showed through her personality. She was highly sensitive and just the drop of a wrong word could make her cry. If she didn’t get the attention she wanted, she would kick and scream until she did.

“That’s not what I meant, okay? I think it’s just obvious that anytime you and John are together, for a period of time, an argument erupts.”

She sniffled and looked at me with sad eyes. “Do you think he’s going to break up with me?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, Ellie. I just think maybe you two need, like, a day away from each other. Y’all hang out all the time and maybe, maybe that’s why you guys argue so much.”

She sighed and laid her head on the headrest. “But I just love him so much, Sophie. It kills me to think that he doesn’t feel the same.”

I looked down at the gravel beneath me and tried to ignore the sudden urge to reach my hand out and smack Ellie. How could she be so stupid as to think that? If John didn’t love her, he most certainly would not continue to stay with her whiney ass. Hell, if I hadn’t known Ellie since we were in elementary school, I don’t think I’d be able to put with her. But, it was because I’ve known her for so long, that whatever she did never surprised me. I was used to her whiney ways, her pushy attitude and her childish tantrums.

“If he didn’t love you, Ellie, do you think he’d have stayed with you this long?”

As those words left my mouth, a certain emotion coursed through my body. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but . . . it was something foreign to me.

“Sophia, are you listening to me?”

“Huh?” I snapped my head up and looked at her.

She sighed and shook her head. “No one pays attention to me.”

“Ellie, you’re being so melodramatic right now.”

“Well it’s true! I was basically spilling my heart out to you and you’re just looking off in space!” She waved her hands at me.

“You know what, hold on,” I told her and stood up.

As I looked over her car, I noticed John standing in the middle of the grass with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He raised his brows at me and I nodded my head, mouthing ‘talk to her’.

I watched his skinny legs walk over to us and I looked back and forth between them. “I’m gunna go smoke. If either of you need me, you know where to find me.” I stalked off towards Pat’s backyard and I felt everyone’s eyes on me. “What?” I asked them.

“Where’d the she-devil go?” Garrett asked me.

“She’s in her car, talking to John,” I told them.

He shook his head. “He needs to just drop the bitch. Seriously, I’m so sick of her ruining our fun.”

“I know, man. This would have been a fun ass barbecue if she hadn’t started crying,” Pat interjected.

I ignored their comments on Ellie as I sat down at Pat’s picnic table and lit up my cigarette. Kelsi came over and sat in front of me.

“Is she still crying?”

I nodded my head. “It’s Ellie. Of course she’s going to make a scene.”

Kelsi laughed. “I told you, Sophie, she’s nothing but drama. I don’t know why you keep trying to defend her.”

I took a drag and put my hand to forehead. “I’ve known her since I was eight years old, Kelsi.”

“And? I’ve known most of our class that long, but that doesn’t mean I like all of them or put up with their bullshit.”

I sighed and stared at the chipped wood of the table. I traced circles with my fingers and tried to place my finger on what I felt back at the car with Ellie. It was something like anger, but not really. Something like hurt, but then again, not really. Hurt . . . anger . . . sadness. My eyes widened as I realized the feeling: jealousy.

“Fuck my life,” I mumbled.

Kelsi looked at me. “What?”

I groaned and laid my head on the tabletop. “I’m in love with him,” I muttered.

“Come again, Soph?” Kelsi asked me.

I looked up at her with a pout on my face. “I said I’m in fucking love with him, Kelsi.”

She smiled. “I know. I just wanted to hear you say it again.”