Green Day, Why Am I In Your Room?

Tash’s POV

I remained relatively silent for the rest of the night. Despite the constant mill of the music industry’s finest around me, and the excitement that surrounded Green Day after having won four Grammys, I couldn’t manage to live with the guilt after having lied to Tre. I didn’t want to ruin his night, however, and tried to act as I normally would in a similar situation.

After around an hour through the celebrations, Tre reluctantly went to join his band mates.

“Tash, I have to go have a few photos with the guys and Rob,” he explained in a low tone. His blue eyes searched my face in concern. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

It was the fifth time he had asked me that night. I smiled. “Tre, I’m fine,” I said softly, trying to ignore the annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I wasn’t fine. “I’ll go over to the bar or something, this is your night. You won four Grammys!”

He gave a relieved grin. “You’re right, I should cheer up a little.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Take your time,” I called out after him, turning back around and making my way up to the bar. I was soon joined by a tired-looking, yet nonetheless happy Adrienne, whose once perfectly made hair had a few stray strands hanging by her face.

She flopped down onto a stool, giving a content sigh. “I still can’t believe that… four Grammys in one night!” After signalling to the barman she turned back to face me. “And best of all, it was your first award show – and afterparty - with Tre.” She raised an eyebrow suggestively.

I rolled my eyes, before remembering the nagging guilt that sat in the pit of my stomach. “I think I probably ruined the experience for him, though,” I muttered, taking a swig of the drink in front of me.

Adrienne’s eyebrows creased in concern. “Why would you say that?! He’s head over heels for you, he even announced it publicly onstage! I’ve never seen him so happy, Tash.”

I lowered my gaze, feeling too sick to tell even Adie about how I was feeling.

She took my silence as an excuse to keep talking. Her voice softened, and she gave me an understanding look. “It’s okay to be nervous about the baby, Tash.”

“You know about that?!”

“Tash, it was in the magazines… not that they’re anything to go by, of course,” she said in disgust. “Tre isn’t an alcoholic, nor is he depressed. Don't think I didn't know what happened when you two had your little trip to Australia - "

“Adie...“

“Yes?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m – I’m not pregnant. And after they all won the big Grammy and Tre mentioned me on stage, I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to go outside. When he found me I explained it to him, and – I – I feel so guilty. I told him too late, and I lied to him about it all.” The words seemed to come out in a big rush.

Adrienne’s face froze. “You – you didn’t tell him that you were negative?” she whispered. “But he was so excited! Even Billie had noticed! Tash, he was so sure he was going to be a father again – and with the one he loves more than anything else in the world!”

Her words were like a knife to the stomach, reopening the wounds and causing the guilt to spill out in a rush. I felt the tears begin to leak in the corners of my eyes. What had I done to him?

Adrienne’s face fell, and she placed a calming hand on my arm. “Tash, please don’t cry. Everything’s been happening lately, you can’t just blame yourself for this. You’ve been pushed into the deep end, what with the pregnancy and all the media attention that followed – but what stopped you from telling him?”

I sniffed, feeling ridiculous for crying in front of Adrienne. “He was so happy,” I said sadly, “and I was too scared. After everything he’s had to deal with that came as baggage with me – like Matt – I didn’t want to make life harder.”

“Tash, he’s rockstar. He can take the shit. And he loves you. Like I said before, I’ve never seen him so happy. Not even with Claudia. I think he lost a lot of faith in love, and even himself, after two divorces and too many failed relationships.” She gave a comforting smile, soothingly rubbing my shoulder.

I nodded, lowering my gaze once again. The guilt probably wouldn’t ease for a while – but I had to be realistic. I couldn’t be this unfair to Tre, not after all the things he had gone through just for me.