Back of Your Head

Andy looked at Shaun questioningly. Is he serious? He wrote the song for Andy; about Andy? No, it can’t be. Shaun doesn’t feel that way. Andy pulled his hand slowly from Shaun’s grasp. Shaun chewed the inside of his cheek; watching Andy. He smiled softly and brushed his hand across Andy’s soft cheek. Andy leaned his face into Shaun’s touch; closing his eyes he drew a deep breath. Shaun smiled at Andy; using his thumb to wipe away the final stray tears that stained Andy’s cheek.

“Andy?” Shaun said, rubbing Andy’s cheek again.

Andy opened his eyes and looked at Shaun. How could he have let himself get caught up in such a simple touch? He took a step back; Shaun’s hand dropped to his side. Andy swallowed; he couldn’t let this happen. He could still turn back, turn away from Shaun. He could leave the band right? That was an option he hadn’t considered. It’d free him from this turmoil. He could get over Shaun. He didn’t need to like him, no love him, like he does. He could get over it. He just couldn’t be anywhere near Shaun. Andy looked up to find Shaun watching him; confusion written all over his face. Shaun flicked his fringe from his eyes and smiled at Andy. Shaun’s smile had always won Andy over; whether it be driving him somewhere, buying him beer when he was underage, sneaking him out of the house to hit a party. Andy felt the blush creep onto his cheeks again; he broke eye contact with Shaun. Shaun took a step forward, cupping Andy’s face again but this time with both hands. Andy’s eyes found Shaun; blue feel into the green.

“The song was for you,” Shaun half whispered. Shaun leaned in and pressed his lips to Andy’s. They collided in a soft peck. Andy pulled away.

“No,” he choked out.

“What do you mean no?” Shaun asked; not moving his hands from Andy’s face.

“I don’t...” Andy started, trying to break Shaun’s eye contact; but his grip on Andy’s face disallowed that.

“Don’t what?” Shaun pleaded. “Tell me.”

“I don’t want to be just another fuck to you,” Andy’s voice cracked at his admission; tears filled his eyes.

Seeing Andy cry in front of him like this broke Shaun’s heart.

“Is that what you think?” Shaun inquired in a soft voice. “That you’d be just another fuck?”

Andy nodded slowly in response; he was unable to find the words. Shaun shook his head at Andy.

“You mean more than that to me Andy,” Shaun admitted, a smile returning to his face. “All those girls, they didn’t mean anything. It was just me trying to prove something to myself; prove that all this wasn’t real.”

“All of what?” Andy sniffed.

“Whatever the hell it is that I’m feeling for you,” Shaun sighed quietly. “I didn’t want anything to change. I thought everything would go wrong; that I’d do something to fuck everything up and everything would be ruined. I didn’t want to hurt you Andy.”

“What do you mean?” Andy tilted his head as far as Shauns hands would let him.
“Ever since Bradie’s party, I’ve felt different,” Shaun bit his lip.

“The kiss?” Andy looked at Shaun. “I think about it a lot.”

Shaun glanced down; his hair falling into his face blocking Andy from view. Shaun had never felt like this before. Sure, he’d had crushes on people, fucked a lot of random girls; but what he was feeling, these emotions; it was all so unfamiliar, confusing and overwhelming. Andy moved finally using his hand to sweep Shaun’s hair out of his face.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” Andy smiled at him.

“I’ve just..” Shaun finally let go of Andy’s face and took a step backwards.

“What?” Andy stepped forward; back into Shaun’s personal bubble.

“I’ve never felt like this before,” Shaun looked up to find a soft face Andy smiling at him.

“Neither have I,” Andy told him Shaun.

“Andy?”

“Yes Shaun?”

“Can I kiss you?” licked his bottom lip nervously.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to ask that.”

Smiling, Andy ran his fingers then his palm along Shaun’s jaw line. He moved one arm around Shaun’s waist and place it on the small of Shaun’s back. He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips to Shaun’s. Shaun slowly snaked his arms around Andy’s small waist; resting his hands on Andy’s hips. The kiss started slow; no movement was made. Both boys stood there embracing each other. Both were unsure about making a move and as if they read each other’s minds; both opened their mouths slightly. Shaun slipped his tongue into Andy’s mouth and found his tongue immediately. Both tongues massaged each other. For a few moments they kissed; the grip on Andy’s hips got tighter; Andy slowly moved his hand up into Shaun’s hair and tangled his fingers into it; grabbing a fistful of the back of Shaun’s t-shirt which was still damp with sweat from the show. They broke apart at the same time. Andy smiled at Shaun. Shaun tiled his head; Andy took the opportunity and placed a kiss just under Shaun’s ear. Shaun shivered. Andy smiled against Shaun’s neck and kissed it again; sucking on it gently. A small moan escaped Shaun’s lips. Andy continued sucking on Shaun’s neck. He slipped his hand inside Shaun’s shirt, running it across his lower back.

“Andy,” Shaun breathed. “Remember what you said before; about all those girls just being fucks?”

“Mhm,” Andy answered against Shaun’s neck causing small vibrations. Shaun moaned softly again.

“Well, I want more than that,” Shaun breathed again, trying to stay in control of himself.

“What are you saying?” Andy pulled away from Shaun’s neck and looked him in the eye.

“Make love to me Andy,” Shaun smiled, his breathing faltering. “Please.”