When Goodbye Means Hello

Jacob walked out of the room without me. He was obviously angry. At who? Who knows. I have no idea if he's mad at me or himself. I prayed to God that it wasn't me and that our mistake isn't putting a strain on our relationship. Why did I just go through with it? I should have stopped. 

What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if I just ruined everything that I've ever dreamed of? I'm so stupid. I didn't know what to do except cry. So that's what I did. I cried for hours upon hours. A few times someone would come in, usually Embry or Emma, and try to get me to stop crying. But crying was the only thing keeping me from not jumping out this window or finding one of the hungry vampires. 

"Christina! Please stop crying." a panting Jacob said while walking over to the bed I sat on. I just shook my head. How could I stop crying? I ruined everything. I should have just enjoyed it. I mean I say I want to spend my life with him then I regret having sex with him. 

"Please. I need you to stop. I love you. And even if you never want to even hold my hand again. Nothing will ever come between us. I need you to know that. I can't believe you would think that I'd stop loving you." I wanted to believe him. I really did. But how could I? Earlier he walked put of the room angry. And I told him that I regretted having sex. I looked over at him to see him also crying. 

"Jake, I'm no good for you." he looked up at me in disgust and I just looked down scared that the disgust was at my face. 

"It really pisses me off when you say that. You are the best thing that could ever happen to me. I was nothing until I realized how much I love you. And it sounds like a cliche but it is the fucking truth. I can't even believe you'd think that."

"But it's the tru-" he cut me off. 

"NO IT IS NOT! STOP SAYING THAT! IT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL!" I saw him shaking furiously and I was terrified. What if he changes in to a wolf right here? I know he would never intentionally hurt me but if he changes he won't be able to control himself. Embry must have sensed the tension because he came running in. 

"Christina! Get out of here!" Embry yelled at me. 

"No. He's fine. I just need to talk to him." and of course Embry didn't listen. Jacob wasn't shaking as bad but he was still very angry. "Leave Embry."

"Okay. But I swear if you hurt her I will kill you." he said to Jacob before turning to leave. I could hear everyone outside the door asking what was happening. 

"Christina. I am so sorry. But I just can't stand when you say you aren't good enough for me. And here comes another cliche but you are to good for me. I could never be good enough for you. I should leave before I almost phase again. I need time to think." Jacob said to me in a low, hurt voice as he walked out and I started to shed more tears. This is my selfish cry out to the cutters.  

What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? What if that is what he has to think about? But what if it's for the best? He needs to find someone that is at his level and I'm not even close to that level. I'm definitely not good enough for him. Not even if I tried.